Extras

This is really supplementary to my last post. If you want the vitals read my previous, if you want some extra things to hear about read this one! (Please forgive the typos, it's late and I didn't feel like going through it to check it all. Thanks!)

At the start of the year I did a rather in depth character study of Abraham, in which I read his story three or four time just trying to drink in the kind of man he was and the faith he had. Abraham is one of my heroes just because of his willingness to drop everything and follow God with out any knowledge of how the turn out would really be. The last thing I read, which I had trouble getting to actually, it took me three or four tries to actually be able to sit down and study it, was his escapade with Isaac. That particular part of his story still amazes me. Here was this old man whom the Lord had promised a son to, he finally got his son after years of waiting and struggling with it and trying to appease his wife, and then God, his God, asks him to do the most unbearable thing in all of history. He tells Abraham to go and sacrifice his child! His promised child! And Abraham packs everything up and leaves with his son under the continual impression that he is going to kill his promised child. I can't even begin to imagine that... or can I?

This summer has been a wild ride. A little over a year ago the Lord asked me to give up my life to go to Serbia for a year, and I have operated for the last year under the impression and intention of leaving everything I love, everything God has blessed me with, to go there. Knowing full well that I had plenty of reasons to stay here, I have my family to look after, I have nephews whom I love and cherish and would miss seeing them grow and talk and walk and play, I have an incredible man in my life who has blessed me in more ways than I can say, I have a ministry on my campus, I am in the middle of the most difficult part of my education, and I have friends here I love desperately. Knowing all that I made the decision that where God wanted me to be was infinitely more important than the many reasons I have to stay. I know the Lord, He restores what we lose two fold, He returns to us what we sacrifice, and blesses us with the very challenges that seem such a burden when we first look at them. I know that sacrificing life as I know it here would be more than worth it, it would be a good an perfect gift from Him to me. I knew He would provide the lamb, like Abraham knew God would provide the lamb for him, I just didn't expect it to come this way.

Then out of no where, just as Abraham is about to plunge the knife into his son's chest, and angel of the Lord pops out of no where and says "No! Don't do that!" And Abraham is allowed to keep his son, and the Lord blessed him, He even provided a ram for the offering. Oh the intensity of that story! Can you imagine if it were a movie? The angst of the character of Abraham walking with his son up the mountain, building the altar, binding the boy... the pain, and the hope, the silent prayer on his lips, but the stern willingness to follow God without hesitation. That's true intensity.

I can't say my story is quite the dramatic on the outside. And it's a stretch to compare myself to Abraham. I'm a very young woman, and I have so much to learn. Abraham was a very old man who was wise and easy with the Lord in a way that I may never achieve. However the pain I had over two or three days as I wrestled with whether or not I was really supposed to go. I can't even describe it to you. I couldn't eat or sleep for two days. What I did eat was small and unsettled, and when I slept it was only a few hours of restless nightmares. My will is firmly set on what the Lord wants for me. If He wants me in Serbia I will be there in the blink of an eye, if He wants me here then I have no choice but to stay. But the pain of that. My heart is truly torn, half here in the States with everything I love, and half in Serbia with the nation I don't know if I can truly live with out only because I feel Christ's pain for her deliverance! I have never had to face such a hard decision, but God is faithful. He provided the answers I need precisely when I needed them and gave me sincere peace about it, even providing for me to be registered for my classes and for those who have supported me to continue to support my decision to stay. I am a truly blessed woman to have a God who is faithful, even when I can't see it until the last second when I raise my hand to crush all my own dreams. But the Lord has blessed me and given my dreams back to me because I was willing to sacrifice them on the altar for the glory of His Kingdom. Just as Abraham was willing to sacrifice his promise on the altar for God's glory. I will never forget this chapter of my life and what God has done.

As I said the Lord has given back to me my dreams. He has, I think, promised me my hearts truest desire, which is so precious I don't dare speak it here. I think it is so awesome that God takes notice of my dreams, my hearts truest desires. That He even desires to give them to me, praise the Lord! How an infinite God can desire to take notice of the dreams of a truly finite and worthless blip in eternity is truly mind boggling, unfathomable. Praise His holy name! We are truly blessed who know Him.

In the mean time I have been granted more time with everyone I love. I have been blessed to share Serbia with my boyfriend who has just returned from the Summer mission trip there. It's so wonderful to be able to share our experiences together since I know exactly what he is talking about and now he knows exactly what I am talking about. We even know some of the same Serbians now! It's spectacular! It's exciting to know that we won't have to spend a year apart depending on Skype to keep our relationship going. He's been very supportive of my summer as well, very pleased that I'm going to be home here and also disappointed with me that I don't get to be in the other place I want to so badly to be in. I have greatly appreciated his support. We've been able to resume going to church together, and doing our Bible Study together, and worshipping together which has been so, so, so wonderful. I really missed having that time with him and I'm all the more blessed to have it with him for the next year at least.

Also this summer I have had the unique opportunity to become close friends with a woman I got to school with. She's rather difficult to get to, so the Lord has really worked in my friendship with her. I have been honored to see her grow at an incredible rate this summer from being someone who was vaguely interested and committed to Christ, to being someone who is completely involved, in love, and in pure joy with him. It has been such a wonderful summer to share with her, and I've been so blessed by her this summer especially with all my other friends having been gone and I raising support! She has brought me much joy with her enthusiasm, and perpetual questions, and joyful personality (which she doesn't think she has lol). I'm very excited to be able to continue investing time in our friendship over the coming semesters. She's amazing!

So praise the Lord for Abraham experiences and abundant blessings! God is so good and great and awesome and all those things that you just can fit on a page or into words. Praise His Name! Praise His Name! Praise His Name!