Extras

This is really supplementary to my last post. If you want the vitals read my previous, if you want some extra things to hear about read this one! (Please forgive the typos, it's late and I didn't feel like going through it to check it all. Thanks!)

At the start of the year I did a rather in depth character study of Abraham, in which I read his story three or four time just trying to drink in the kind of man he was and the faith he had. Abraham is one of my heroes just because of his willingness to drop everything and follow God with out any knowledge of how the turn out would really be. The last thing I read, which I had trouble getting to actually, it took me three or four tries to actually be able to sit down and study it, was his escapade with Isaac. That particular part of his story still amazes me. Here was this old man whom the Lord had promised a son to, he finally got his son after years of waiting and struggling with it and trying to appease his wife, and then God, his God, asks him to do the most unbearable thing in all of history. He tells Abraham to go and sacrifice his child! His promised child! And Abraham packs everything up and leaves with his son under the continual impression that he is going to kill his promised child. I can't even begin to imagine that... or can I?

This summer has been a wild ride. A little over a year ago the Lord asked me to give up my life to go to Serbia for a year, and I have operated for the last year under the impression and intention of leaving everything I love, everything God has blessed me with, to go there. Knowing full well that I had plenty of reasons to stay here, I have my family to look after, I have nephews whom I love and cherish and would miss seeing them grow and talk and walk and play, I have an incredible man in my life who has blessed me in more ways than I can say, I have a ministry on my campus, I am in the middle of the most difficult part of my education, and I have friends here I love desperately. Knowing all that I made the decision that where God wanted me to be was infinitely more important than the many reasons I have to stay. I know the Lord, He restores what we lose two fold, He returns to us what we sacrifice, and blesses us with the very challenges that seem such a burden when we first look at them. I know that sacrificing life as I know it here would be more than worth it, it would be a good an perfect gift from Him to me. I knew He would provide the lamb, like Abraham knew God would provide the lamb for him, I just didn't expect it to come this way.

Then out of no where, just as Abraham is about to plunge the knife into his son's chest, and angel of the Lord pops out of no where and says "No! Don't do that!" And Abraham is allowed to keep his son, and the Lord blessed him, He even provided a ram for the offering. Oh the intensity of that story! Can you imagine if it were a movie? The angst of the character of Abraham walking with his son up the mountain, building the altar, binding the boy... the pain, and the hope, the silent prayer on his lips, but the stern willingness to follow God without hesitation. That's true intensity.

I can't say my story is quite the dramatic on the outside. And it's a stretch to compare myself to Abraham. I'm a very young woman, and I have so much to learn. Abraham was a very old man who was wise and easy with the Lord in a way that I may never achieve. However the pain I had over two or three days as I wrestled with whether or not I was really supposed to go. I can't even describe it to you. I couldn't eat or sleep for two days. What I did eat was small and unsettled, and when I slept it was only a few hours of restless nightmares. My will is firmly set on what the Lord wants for me. If He wants me in Serbia I will be there in the blink of an eye, if He wants me here then I have no choice but to stay. But the pain of that. My heart is truly torn, half here in the States with everything I love, and half in Serbia with the nation I don't know if I can truly live with out only because I feel Christ's pain for her deliverance! I have never had to face such a hard decision, but God is faithful. He provided the answers I need precisely when I needed them and gave me sincere peace about it, even providing for me to be registered for my classes and for those who have supported me to continue to support my decision to stay. I am a truly blessed woman to have a God who is faithful, even when I can't see it until the last second when I raise my hand to crush all my own dreams. But the Lord has blessed me and given my dreams back to me because I was willing to sacrifice them on the altar for the glory of His Kingdom. Just as Abraham was willing to sacrifice his promise on the altar for God's glory. I will never forget this chapter of my life and what God has done.

As I said the Lord has given back to me my dreams. He has, I think, promised me my hearts truest desire, which is so precious I don't dare speak it here. I think it is so awesome that God takes notice of my dreams, my hearts truest desires. That He even desires to give them to me, praise the Lord! How an infinite God can desire to take notice of the dreams of a truly finite and worthless blip in eternity is truly mind boggling, unfathomable. Praise His holy name! We are truly blessed who know Him.

In the mean time I have been granted more time with everyone I love. I have been blessed to share Serbia with my boyfriend who has just returned from the Summer mission trip there. It's so wonderful to be able to share our experiences together since I know exactly what he is talking about and now he knows exactly what I am talking about. We even know some of the same Serbians now! It's spectacular! It's exciting to know that we won't have to spend a year apart depending on Skype to keep our relationship going. He's been very supportive of my summer as well, very pleased that I'm going to be home here and also disappointed with me that I don't get to be in the other place I want to so badly to be in. I have greatly appreciated his support. We've been able to resume going to church together, and doing our Bible Study together, and worshipping together which has been so, so, so wonderful. I really missed having that time with him and I'm all the more blessed to have it with him for the next year at least.

Also this summer I have had the unique opportunity to become close friends with a woman I got to school with. She's rather difficult to get to, so the Lord has really worked in my friendship with her. I have been honored to see her grow at an incredible rate this summer from being someone who was vaguely interested and committed to Christ, to being someone who is completely involved, in love, and in pure joy with him. It has been such a wonderful summer to share with her, and I've been so blessed by her this summer especially with all my other friends having been gone and I raising support! She has brought me much joy with her enthusiasm, and perpetual questions, and joyful personality (which she doesn't think she has lol). I'm very excited to be able to continue investing time in our friendship over the coming semesters. She's amazing!

So praise the Lord for Abraham experiences and abundant blessings! God is so good and great and awesome and all those things that you just can fit on a page or into words. Praise His Name! Praise His Name! Praise His Name!

Of Closing Doors and Breezy Windows

Hello Good Friends!

If you have not been informed yet I would like to let you know that my trip to Serbia for the year has been postponed for a year or two. The Lord has very clearly asked me to remain where I am for the time being. This instruction has come with much pain and tears, and many hours of crying out to God (literally) about what I should do and why I wasn't clear about it sooner. I assure that I would not abandon this project which my heart is so fully connected to, and complete inseparably from, with out being 100% positive that it was the Lord's clear and direct instruction to do so. As it is I yet have hope as the Lord has also made it clear that I will be there eventually, and probably for an extended time. So the Lord has closed this door.

The good news is that He has also opened a window. Because I am staying here I have at least one whole year more to invest on my campus at CSU-Pueblo. This is particularly good news because our school now has a football team which has caused our enrollment to sky rocket! There is so much more work for us to do on campus than there ever has been before. I am so excited for the opportunities that await for this coming year. It's going to be fabulous.

There is another consequence to this turn of events. The other woman that I was supposed to room with in Serbia will not be allowed to go to Serbia either as there are no other women going. That has been sad for she and I both, but the Lord has a plan. At this point there are no American female leaders for the Crusade ministry in Serbia. This has certainly caused some distress for the men who will be going as there is no one to help lead the women! However, I feel that this is God's hand at work again and that He has a clear plan to have the Serbian women take ownership of the ministry there to their own people! I must say, that is a dream come true, although it's come true much more quickly than any of us expected. God has clearly pulled the foreign women (like myself) out of the picture for ministry in Serbia of the next year, and I firmly believe that it is because He wants these beautiful Serbian women to take up the mantel. Something which quite literally brings tears to my eyes and songs of praise to my lips. I don't think it could be any sweeter than this.

As for myself, I am still under a great deal of stress. Most of those who have supported me financially have decided to continue supporting the ministry even though I'm not going, PRAISE GOD!!! However I am now in a very, very difficult position. My Dad has decided fairly definitely that it's time to close the business, a difficult and yet some how releasing decision for him. We'll be shutting down in October. This leaves me in a precarious place. I am trying to get into school, I am registered for my classes purely by the grace of God, but I have positively no way to pay for it. At the very least I need $600 by the 20th in order to go to school HALF time, if I want to go FULL time I need $900. I simply have no way to procure that kind of wealth. I didn't realize I should have been support raising for school! ;) Also, I am in dire need of finding employment, which if you've ever attempted such a thing in Pueblo you are well aware it's extremely difficult. I've sent out a half dozen applications today and tomorrow I intend to go out in person and see if there is anything I can do. This also creates a problem for my involvement in Crusade this semester, I'm not sure if I'll be able to do leadership this year, which I believe is where I will need to be.

Please be praying for my situation at this time, that the Lord would show his power of abundance and provide a way for me go to school full time and have a job and still be able to serve His ministry all at the same time. I truly appreciate your prayer and support. I'm still praising God for what He's doing and how He's been faithful to lead me this summer. Be blessed!

Where I Stand

Hello friends!

Quick update: I'm done with school for the semester! Yay God! And bless the Lord I passed all my classes and have at GPA of 3.8! Glory to God! I don't know how that happened, but it was the Lord =D Now if only I can retain all that information for the next year and come back to school and keep that GPA where it is now ;)

This summer I'm helping lead a women's Bible study with a friend from school and we've seen a pretty good group of women show up. I'm really excited about this final opportunity for ministry in the States before I leave again. We're reading the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, which is highly recommend to anyone, but especially to women. It's a book that follows the biblical book of Hosea. It's about a prostitute named Angel who marries a godly man and how she learns what love is, and receives Christ as her saviour, but the trials she goes through to realize that by Christ's redeeming love she is worth loving. Very, very good book. So I'm looking forward to hanging out with these women and sharing together what God's love in our lives means and how he has continually bought us out of bondage and heals our wounds and never gives up on us! Yay God!

Lastly, but certainly not at all least, I'm raising support for my trip to Serbia for the next year. I'm very excited about this time of challenge and really, well, hardship. It's no easy thing to ask people to give you money, however wonderful the cause, no matter how thrilling it is for you. I've had the privilege to meet with a few people in the last two weeks, and have really enjoyed sharing about where God is sending me and what he's doing in Serbia now. But, man, it's hard to pick up the phone to call people, not gonna lie. I think right now I'm at a whole 1% of my goal for the whole trip, Praise the Lord! I'm started! So I would really appreciate your prayers over the summer as I trust God to provide a team of people to finance my trip, as well as to pray for me through it. If you are interested in what I'm doing, please let me know. I would love to share with you about it, and I don't want to overlook anyone who might want to be a part of the ministry in Serbia. Thank you very much for your care and prayers during this season of my life =D