This is really supplementary to my last post. If you want the vitals read my previous, if you want some extra things to hear about read this one! (Please forgive the typos, it's late and I didn't feel like going through it to check it all. Thanks!)
At the start of the year I did a rather in depth character study of Abraham, in which I read his story three or four time just trying to drink in the kind of man he was and the faith he had. Abraham is one of my heroes just because of his willingness to drop everything and follow God with out any knowledge of how the turn out would really be. The last thing I read, which I had trouble getting to actually, it took me three or four tries to actually be able to sit down and study it, was his escapade with Isaac. That particular part of his story still amazes me. Here was this old man whom the Lord had promised a son to, he finally got his son after years of waiting and struggling with it and trying to appease his wife, and then God, his God, asks him to do the most unbearable thing in all of history. He tells Abraham to go and sacrifice his child! His promised child! And Abraham packs everything up and leaves with his son under the continual impression that he is going to kill his promised child. I can't even begin to imagine that... or can I?
This summer has been a wild ride. A little over a year ago the Lord asked me to give up my life to go to Serbia for a year, and I have operated for the last year under the impression and intention of leaving everything I love, everything God has blessed me with, to go there. Knowing full well that I had plenty of reasons to stay here, I have my family to look after, I have nephews whom I love and cherish and would miss seeing them grow and talk and walk and play, I have an incredible man in my life who has blessed me in more ways than I can say, I have a ministry on my campus, I am in the middle of the most difficult part of my education, and I have friends here I love desperately. Knowing all that I made the decision that where God wanted me to be was infinitely more important than the many reasons I have to stay. I know the Lord, He restores what we lose two fold, He returns to us what we sacrifice, and blesses us with the very challenges that seem such a burden when we first look at them. I know that sacrificing life as I know it here would be more than worth it, it would be a good an perfect gift from Him to me. I knew He would provide the lamb, like Abraham knew God would provide the lamb for him, I just didn't expect it to come this way.
Then out of no where, just as Abraham is about to plunge the knife into his son's chest, and angel of the Lord pops out of no where and says "No! Don't do that!" And Abraham is allowed to keep his son, and the Lord blessed him, He even provided a ram for the offering. Oh the intensity of that story! Can you imagine if it were a movie? The angst of the character of Abraham walking with his son up the mountain, building the altar, binding the boy... the pain, and the hope, the silent prayer on his lips, but the stern willingness to follow God without hesitation. That's true intensity.
I can't say my story is quite the dramatic on the outside. And it's a stretch to compare myself to Abraham. I'm a very young woman, and I have so much to learn. Abraham was a very old man who was wise and easy with the Lord in a way that I may never achieve. However the pain I had over two or three days as I wrestled with whether or not I was really supposed to go. I can't even describe it to you. I couldn't eat or sleep for two days. What I did eat was small and unsettled, and when I slept it was only a few hours of restless nightmares. My will is firmly set on what the Lord wants for me. If He wants me in Serbia I will be there in the blink of an eye, if He wants me here then I have no choice but to stay. But the pain of that. My heart is truly torn, half here in the States with everything I love, and half in Serbia with the nation I don't know if I can truly live with out only because I feel Christ's pain for her deliverance! I have never had to face such a hard decision, but God is faithful. He provided the answers I need precisely when I needed them and gave me sincere peace about it, even providing for me to be registered for my classes and for those who have supported me to continue to support my decision to stay. I am a truly blessed woman to have a God who is faithful, even when I can't see it until the last second when I raise my hand to crush all my own dreams. But the Lord has blessed me and given my dreams back to me because I was willing to sacrifice them on the altar for the glory of His Kingdom. Just as Abraham was willing to sacrifice his promise on the altar for God's glory. I will never forget this chapter of my life and what God has done.
As I said the Lord has given back to me my dreams. He has, I think, promised me my hearts truest desire, which is so precious I don't dare speak it here. I think it is so awesome that God takes notice of my dreams, my hearts truest desires. That He even desires to give them to me, praise the Lord! How an infinite God can desire to take notice of the dreams of a truly finite and worthless blip in eternity is truly mind boggling, unfathomable. Praise His holy name! We are truly blessed who know Him.
In the mean time I have been granted more time with everyone I love. I have been blessed to share Serbia with my boyfriend who has just returned from the Summer mission trip there. It's so wonderful to be able to share our experiences together since I know exactly what he is talking about and now he knows exactly what I am talking about. We even know some of the same Serbians now! It's spectacular! It's exciting to know that we won't have to spend a year apart depending on Skype to keep our relationship going. He's been very supportive of my summer as well, very pleased that I'm going to be home here and also disappointed with me that I don't get to be in the other place I want to so badly to be in. I have greatly appreciated his support. We've been able to resume going to church together, and doing our Bible Study together, and worshipping together which has been so, so, so wonderful. I really missed having that time with him and I'm all the more blessed to have it with him for the next year at least.
Also this summer I have had the unique opportunity to become close friends with a woman I got to school with. She's rather difficult to get to, so the Lord has really worked in my friendship with her. I have been honored to see her grow at an incredible rate this summer from being someone who was vaguely interested and committed to Christ, to being someone who is completely involved, in love, and in pure joy with him. It has been such a wonderful summer to share with her, and I've been so blessed by her this summer especially with all my other friends having been gone and I raising support! She has brought me much joy with her enthusiasm, and perpetual questions, and joyful personality (which she doesn't think she has lol). I'm very excited to be able to continue investing time in our friendship over the coming semesters. She's amazing!
So praise the Lord for Abraham experiences and abundant blessings! God is so good and great and awesome and all those things that you just can fit on a page or into words. Praise His Name! Praise His Name! Praise His Name!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Of Closing Doors and Breezy Windows
Hello Good Friends!
If you have not been informed yet I would like to let you know that my trip to Serbia for the year has been postponed for a year or two. The Lord has very clearly asked me to remain where I am for the time being. This instruction has come with much pain and tears, and many hours of crying out to God (literally) about what I should do and why I wasn't clear about it sooner. I assure that I would not abandon this project which my heart is so fully connected to, and complete inseparably from, with out being 100% positive that it was the Lord's clear and direct instruction to do so. As it is I yet have hope as the Lord has also made it clear that I will be there eventually, and probably for an extended time. So the Lord has closed this door.
The good news is that He has also opened a window. Because I am staying here I have at least one whole year more to invest on my campus at CSU-Pueblo. This is particularly good news because our school now has a football team which has caused our enrollment to sky rocket! There is so much more work for us to do on campus than there ever has been before. I am so excited for the opportunities that await for this coming year. It's going to be fabulous.
There is another consequence to this turn of events. The other woman that I was supposed to room with in Serbia will not be allowed to go to Serbia either as there are no other women going. That has been sad for she and I both, but the Lord has a plan. At this point there are no American female leaders for the Crusade ministry in Serbia. This has certainly caused some distress for the men who will be going as there is no one to help lead the women! However, I feel that this is God's hand at work again and that He has a clear plan to have the Serbian women take ownership of the ministry there to their own people! I must say, that is a dream come true, although it's come true much more quickly than any of us expected. God has clearly pulled the foreign women (like myself) out of the picture for ministry in Serbia of the next year, and I firmly believe that it is because He wants these beautiful Serbian women to take up the mantel. Something which quite literally brings tears to my eyes and songs of praise to my lips. I don't think it could be any sweeter than this.
As for myself, I am still under a great deal of stress. Most of those who have supported me financially have decided to continue supporting the ministry even though I'm not going, PRAISE GOD!!! However I am now in a very, very difficult position. My Dad has decided fairly definitely that it's time to close the business, a difficult and yet some how releasing decision for him. We'll be shutting down in October. This leaves me in a precarious place. I am trying to get into school, I am registered for my classes purely by the grace of God, but I have positively no way to pay for it. At the very least I need $600 by the 20th in order to go to school HALF time, if I want to go FULL time I need $900. I simply have no way to procure that kind of wealth. I didn't realize I should have been support raising for school! ;) Also, I am in dire need of finding employment, which if you've ever attempted such a thing in Pueblo you are well aware it's extremely difficult. I've sent out a half dozen applications today and tomorrow I intend to go out in person and see if there is anything I can do. This also creates a problem for my involvement in Crusade this semester, I'm not sure if I'll be able to do leadership this year, which I believe is where I will need to be.
Please be praying for my situation at this time, that the Lord would show his power of abundance and provide a way for me go to school full time and have a job and still be able to serve His ministry all at the same time. I truly appreciate your prayer and support. I'm still praising God for what He's doing and how He's been faithful to lead me this summer. Be blessed!
If you have not been informed yet I would like to let you know that my trip to Serbia for the year has been postponed for a year or two. The Lord has very clearly asked me to remain where I am for the time being. This instruction has come with much pain and tears, and many hours of crying out to God (literally) about what I should do and why I wasn't clear about it sooner. I assure that I would not abandon this project which my heart is so fully connected to, and complete inseparably from, with out being 100% positive that it was the Lord's clear and direct instruction to do so. As it is I yet have hope as the Lord has also made it clear that I will be there eventually, and probably for an extended time. So the Lord has closed this door.
The good news is that He has also opened a window. Because I am staying here I have at least one whole year more to invest on my campus at CSU-Pueblo. This is particularly good news because our school now has a football team which has caused our enrollment to sky rocket! There is so much more work for us to do on campus than there ever has been before. I am so excited for the opportunities that await for this coming year. It's going to be fabulous.
There is another consequence to this turn of events. The other woman that I was supposed to room with in Serbia will not be allowed to go to Serbia either as there are no other women going. That has been sad for she and I both, but the Lord has a plan. At this point there are no American female leaders for the Crusade ministry in Serbia. This has certainly caused some distress for the men who will be going as there is no one to help lead the women! However, I feel that this is God's hand at work again and that He has a clear plan to have the Serbian women take ownership of the ministry there to their own people! I must say, that is a dream come true, although it's come true much more quickly than any of us expected. God has clearly pulled the foreign women (like myself) out of the picture for ministry in Serbia of the next year, and I firmly believe that it is because He wants these beautiful Serbian women to take up the mantel. Something which quite literally brings tears to my eyes and songs of praise to my lips. I don't think it could be any sweeter than this.
As for myself, I am still under a great deal of stress. Most of those who have supported me financially have decided to continue supporting the ministry even though I'm not going, PRAISE GOD!!! However I am now in a very, very difficult position. My Dad has decided fairly definitely that it's time to close the business, a difficult and yet some how releasing decision for him. We'll be shutting down in October. This leaves me in a precarious place. I am trying to get into school, I am registered for my classes purely by the grace of God, but I have positively no way to pay for it. At the very least I need $600 by the 20th in order to go to school HALF time, if I want to go FULL time I need $900. I simply have no way to procure that kind of wealth. I didn't realize I should have been support raising for school! ;) Also, I am in dire need of finding employment, which if you've ever attempted such a thing in Pueblo you are well aware it's extremely difficult. I've sent out a half dozen applications today and tomorrow I intend to go out in person and see if there is anything I can do. This also creates a problem for my involvement in Crusade this semester, I'm not sure if I'll be able to do leadership this year, which I believe is where I will need to be.
Please be praying for my situation at this time, that the Lord would show his power of abundance and provide a way for me go to school full time and have a job and still be able to serve His ministry all at the same time. I truly appreciate your prayer and support. I'm still praising God for what He's doing and how He's been faithful to lead me this summer. Be blessed!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Where I Stand
Hello friends!
Quick update: I'm done with school for the semester! Yay God! And bless the Lord I passed all my classes and have at GPA of 3.8! Glory to God! I don't know how that happened, but it was the Lord =D Now if only I can retain all that information for the next year and come back to school and keep that GPA where it is now ;)
This summer I'm helping lead a women's Bible study with a friend from school and we've seen a pretty good group of women show up. I'm really excited about this final opportunity for ministry in the States before I leave again. We're reading the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, which is highly recommend to anyone, but especially to women. It's a book that follows the biblical book of Hosea. It's about a prostitute named Angel who marries a godly man and how she learns what love is, and receives Christ as her saviour, but the trials she goes through to realize that by Christ's redeeming love she is worth loving. Very, very good book. So I'm looking forward to hanging out with these women and sharing together what God's love in our lives means and how he has continually bought us out of bondage and heals our wounds and never gives up on us! Yay God!
Lastly, but certainly not at all least, I'm raising support for my trip to Serbia for the next year. I'm very excited about this time of challenge and really, well, hardship. It's no easy thing to ask people to give you money, however wonderful the cause, no matter how thrilling it is for you. I've had the privilege to meet with a few people in the last two weeks, and have really enjoyed sharing about where God is sending me and what he's doing in Serbia now. But, man, it's hard to pick up the phone to call people, not gonna lie. I think right now I'm at a whole 1% of my goal for the whole trip, Praise the Lord! I'm started! So I would really appreciate your prayers over the summer as I trust God to provide a team of people to finance my trip, as well as to pray for me through it. If you are interested in what I'm doing, please let me know. I would love to share with you about it, and I don't want to overlook anyone who might want to be a part of the ministry in Serbia. Thank you very much for your care and prayers during this season of my life =D
Quick update: I'm done with school for the semester! Yay God! And bless the Lord I passed all my classes and have at GPA of 3.8! Glory to God! I don't know how that happened, but it was the Lord =D Now if only I can retain all that information for the next year and come back to school and keep that GPA where it is now ;)
This summer I'm helping lead a women's Bible study with a friend from school and we've seen a pretty good group of women show up. I'm really excited about this final opportunity for ministry in the States before I leave again. We're reading the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, which is highly recommend to anyone, but especially to women. It's a book that follows the biblical book of Hosea. It's about a prostitute named Angel who marries a godly man and how she learns what love is, and receives Christ as her saviour, but the trials she goes through to realize that by Christ's redeeming love she is worth loving. Very, very good book. So I'm looking forward to hanging out with these women and sharing together what God's love in our lives means and how he has continually bought us out of bondage and heals our wounds and never gives up on us! Yay God!
Lastly, but certainly not at all least, I'm raising support for my trip to Serbia for the next year. I'm very excited about this time of challenge and really, well, hardship. It's no easy thing to ask people to give you money, however wonderful the cause, no matter how thrilling it is for you. I've had the privilege to meet with a few people in the last two weeks, and have really enjoyed sharing about where God is sending me and what he's doing in Serbia now. But, man, it's hard to pick up the phone to call people, not gonna lie. I think right now I'm at a whole 1% of my goal for the whole trip, Praise the Lord! I'm started! So I would really appreciate your prayers over the summer as I trust God to provide a team of people to finance my trip, as well as to pray for me through it. If you are interested in what I'm doing, please let me know. I would love to share with you about it, and I don't want to overlook anyone who might want to be a part of the ministry in Serbia. Thank you very much for your care and prayers during this season of my life =D
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Have you Ever...
Have you ever wanted to do something... different. Something that most people would think you're crazy for doing? I just read an article about suicides in Bridgend in Wales. Suddenly I find myself thinking about how I could possibly get over there by tomorrow morning and start praying over the whole area. There is something inside me that just screams about injustice that people between the ages of 15 and 23 over there are committing suicide because of a twisted sense of reality that it's cool to do it. They don't remember that they'll be dead before they can enjoy their fame and ultra cool new status. That is a warped reality, and unacceptable and everything in my right now just wants to go and fight for them, whatever the cost may be. Unfortunately that kind of trip costs a lot more than I can afford, and it's not at all a rational thing to do. So instead I pull up Google Earth and pray over the map, but I do wish I could be there with the people, on the land, touching the buildings and smelling the air, feeling everything around me. Fighting, be a warrior, just as I was made to be.
The truth is I am doing something different, and even I think I'm a tad off my rocker for doing it. I'm going to Serbia for a year! I get to live in Novi Sad in the middle of nation that is desperate for the Love of Christ, and for which Christ is desperate to Love. It makes my heart smile just to think about the next year of my life, far from home and everything that I know and love, just to be a part of everything my Lord knows and loves. It's very different.
Then I'll come back and attempt by the strength of Christ to get back into school and transfer everything I've learned over that year into a campus that needs that message just a much. OR perhaps I'll stay in my beautiful Novi Sad for another year, again different and veritably insane. Or Stint in another country... like England/Wales, Bosnia, South East Asia, Ethiopia, Cameroon, Thailand, Spain, or some other place I haven't been yet, which is a lot of places. Campus Crusade is set up in 190 countries doing missionary work on some level, that's 98% of the world... so maybe I'll go somewhere that's in that 2%, the unknown territory.
Have you ever wanted to fight for something that's bigger than you? Have you ever wanted to fight for people to know the Love of their God, whether they choose to acknowledge there is a God who can Love or not? Have you ever thought about leaving the country on a whim for the sole purpose of praying for as long as it takes to see a break through happen in a place? Or even just leave your own home? Your city, or your state? There is so much work to be done, and so little time. Especially for young people who don't realize that they are more precious living than dead. We have so very little and precious time. The psalmists often described us as flowers or grass or dust on the wind or whatever have you. They are so right. Our time short, but we live like we have all the time in the world. The problem is that there are plenty of people who are dieing out there, and they don't have time.
What have you wanted to do? What has stopped you? Why did you let it? What do you want to do now? Has the Lord enabled you to do it? Then why not start?
The truth is I am doing something different, and even I think I'm a tad off my rocker for doing it. I'm going to Serbia for a year! I get to live in Novi Sad in the middle of nation that is desperate for the Love of Christ, and for which Christ is desperate to Love. It makes my heart smile just to think about the next year of my life, far from home and everything that I know and love, just to be a part of everything my Lord knows and loves. It's very different.
Then I'll come back and attempt by the strength of Christ to get back into school and transfer everything I've learned over that year into a campus that needs that message just a much. OR perhaps I'll stay in my beautiful Novi Sad for another year, again different and veritably insane. Or Stint in another country... like England/Wales, Bosnia, South East Asia, Ethiopia, Cameroon, Thailand, Spain, or some other place I haven't been yet, which is a lot of places. Campus Crusade is set up in 190 countries doing missionary work on some level, that's 98% of the world... so maybe I'll go somewhere that's in that 2%, the unknown territory.
Have you ever wanted to fight for something that's bigger than you? Have you ever wanted to fight for people to know the Love of their God, whether they choose to acknowledge there is a God who can Love or not? Have you ever thought about leaving the country on a whim for the sole purpose of praying for as long as it takes to see a break through happen in a place? Or even just leave your own home? Your city, or your state? There is so much work to be done, and so little time. Especially for young people who don't realize that they are more precious living than dead. We have so very little and precious time. The psalmists often described us as flowers or grass or dust on the wind or whatever have you. They are so right. Our time short, but we live like we have all the time in the world. The problem is that there are plenty of people who are dieing out there, and they don't have time.
What have you wanted to do? What has stopped you? Why did you let it? What do you want to do now? Has the Lord enabled you to do it? Then why not start?
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Something Profound from a Movie?
The Rainmaker:
Starbuck: "I hope your dreams come true. I hope they do."
Lizzie: "They won't. They never will."
Starbuck: "Believe in yourself and they will."
Lizzie:"I got nothing to believe in"
Starbuck: "You're a woman believe in that."
Lizzie:"How can i when nobody else will?"
Starbuck: "You've got to believe it first. Lizzie let me ask you, are you pretty?"
Lizzie:"No! I'm plain!"
Starbuck: "There's no such thing as a plain woman. Every real woman is pretty. They're all pretty in a different way, but they're all pretty."
Lizzie:"Not me. When i look in my looking glass..."
Starbuck: "Don't let Noah be your looking glass."
Lizzie:"He's not. My looking glass is right on the wall."
Starbuck: "It's in the wrong place. It's got to be inside you."
Lizzie:"No."
Starbuck: "Don't be afraid. Look. Then one day, the looking glass will be the man who loves you. It'll be his eyes, maybe. And you'll look in that mirror, and you'll be more than pretty. You'll be beautiful."
Lizzie:"It'll never happen. It'll never be."
Starbuck: "Make it happen. Lizzie, why don't you think pretty? And take down your hair."
Lizzie:"No."
Starbuck: "Please." (he starts taking her hair down)
Lizzie:"No."
Starbuck: "Nobody sees you. Nobody but me, Lizzie." (takes her hair down and smooths it away from her face). "Now close your eyes. Close them. Now say: 'I'm pretty.'"
Lizzie:"I can't!"
Starbuck: "Say it, Lizzie. Say it!"
Lizzie:"I'm pretty."
Starbuck: "Say it again."
Lizzie:"Pretty."
Starbuck: "Say it, mean it!"
Lizzie:"I'm pretty... I'm pretty... I'm pretty!"
So every once in a while I'll see a movie that really strikes me, like for once Hollywood actually got something right. This was one of those movies. It was made in... I think 1956. I'm a big classic film fan, and there are a lot I haven't seen and so I just watched this one for the first time. Burt Lancaster is Starbuck, a con man, and Katheryn Hepburn is a "plain" country girl named Lizzie living in a house full of men who are trying desperately to get her married off (her Dad and two brothers). One of the brothers, Noah, is particularly harsh and judgemental, not that he's trying to be. He's trying to be loving, but failing at it rather, and tells her that she's plain and she's going to be an old maid. That's when Lizzie runs and finds Starbuck. She tells him about her dreams to have a husband and children, which to Starbuck's standard's a rather small dreams. And that is when this scene takes place.
This is a great scene! I love it! I relate to it on some level. I may not feel as plain as Lizzie does, but I can be honest in saying that for the most part I don't think I'm particularly pretty or feel that I am. Sure I have my days when I get done up and think to myself, "Dang girl, you lookin' good!" But on the average day of the week when I'm in my jeans and sweater, with my hair pulled back in a pony tail, I don't feel all that stunning. And admittedly, it is hard to admit to being pretty at all, even when I do feel that way. I think this is true for most women, granted that is a large generality, but most women at one time or another, (as some women have gotten past this point and see their beauty as clearly as it is), have felt this way. Men don't understand this very well. I don't blame them for not fully getting it, even I think it's down right silly not to be able to see my own beauty! None the less, there it is, generally invisible to me.
Now I've been told I'm pretty, but knowing it is something entirely different. I like that Starbuck tells her that her mirror is in the wrong place. He's absolutely right! It does have to be inside you, but probably not the way he means it. I take that more as it being Christ inside me, in my life. He's the one I have to look at to be able to see my own beauty, or general value at all. But it is scary to look there. Oh, goodness, to be confronted with the beauty of Christ and then realize that that beauty is my own! That's a wonderful thing, and yet somehow a terrifying thing too. You're so used to believing the bad stuff that when you see the good it's a touch frightening. Not like a horror film frightening, rather more like a "what if this is too good to be true? what if it's lie and when I wake up tomorrow morning I'm still 'ugly' old me? can I really trust this?" kind of frightening. Women have spoken and heard so many words that assault our beauty and concept of our own beauty that believing something good about it is really difficult.
But this is the other thing I like, which I think the Lord sort of does with us too. Starbuck confronts her fears, he takes her by the hand and leads her out of them. He pounds it into her head that she's beautiful and her life isn't over, and no matter what anyone says she is beautiful. He's gentle with her, but firm and resolved that she should not leave him until she knows what he knows about her. And by the time she leaves, she does. Isn't that what God does? Maybe not in so obvious a way, but isn't every sunset, or sunrise, every shooting star, towering mountain, blooming flower, every smiling child, every freckle on your face, every shade of color in your hair a testament to your beauty and value? As though with everything you see He whispers in your ear, if you listen very closely "You are lovely. You are my creation, and I love you." And when you can't see it He takes down everything in your life (like Starbuck took down Lizzie's hair I swept away from her face) until you can see yourself, in all your captivating beauty, and tells to you admit it. That no one is watching or listening, but Him. That it's safe to face the beauty you have, that it is real, it is true, you can trust it, because that beauty was made by Him, for His glory, to give life to the world. *sigh* Wow, that's romance. lol
I think that's rather profound, don't you? And to think that Hollywood actually understood for a moment the condition of a woman's heart and the sort of care it needs! Well that was 50 years ago... although I think Pretty Woman generally got it right too, and maybe a couple others. So, I really liked this movie. I think just about every person should see this scene. Sure it's a little cheesy, Burt Lancaster is quite an animated character, but what it's saying is real. I think it's awesome that God does that in our lives. I think it's wonderful that it's something that only He can reveal to us. I find the more I grow in my faith the more comfortable I am with my beauty, and the more I believe in it. God is so AWESOME! Goodness, I just can't help but say it! =) He pretty much makes me happy, what can I say?
I remember once in high school. It was my senior year and I was working for a photographer, Piare Mohan. He had gotten a bunch of fire and ice roses to give to customers when they came in, (He was a bit of a romantic as well and he wanted women to feel pretty). At the end of the day when I went home he told me to choose a rose to take with me. So I picked one out. They were all brilliantly beautiful, gorgeous blooms that were open big and wide, but this one was truly stunning. I've never seen a more beautiful flower, it was flawless. As I walked out to my car I was admiring it's beauty and the way it smelled, and all of a sudden out of no where the Lord just popped right into my head (as He often does) and told me that I was even more beautiful than the rose I was holding... That's got to be one of the sweetest things I've ever heard in my entire life, I'm sure I blushed. He still does that from time to time. It's a big deal to hear something like that from your creator, and it's not something you're likely to forget. But, it's something He's saying all the time, we just don't take the time to listen.
So, men and women alike, I challenge you to pay attention to what the Lord is telling you everyday about how important you are to Him, how much He loves you, how priceless you are to Him, and how lovely you really are (or handsome ;)). Take hint from Starbuck and Lizzie and put the mirror where it should be, look at it, and believe it, trust it. Because every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord and that is one!
Starbuck: "I hope your dreams come true. I hope they do."
Lizzie: "They won't. They never will."
Starbuck: "Believe in yourself and they will."
Lizzie:"I got nothing to believe in"
Starbuck: "You're a woman believe in that."
Lizzie:"How can i when nobody else will?"
Starbuck: "You've got to believe it first. Lizzie let me ask you, are you pretty?"
Lizzie:"No! I'm plain!"
Starbuck: "There's no such thing as a plain woman. Every real woman is pretty. They're all pretty in a different way, but they're all pretty."
Lizzie:"Not me. When i look in my looking glass..."
Starbuck: "Don't let Noah be your looking glass."
Lizzie:"He's not. My looking glass is right on the wall."
Starbuck: "It's in the wrong place. It's got to be inside you."
Lizzie:"No."
Starbuck: "Don't be afraid. Look. Then one day, the looking glass will be the man who loves you. It'll be his eyes, maybe. And you'll look in that mirror, and you'll be more than pretty. You'll be beautiful."
Lizzie:"It'll never happen. It'll never be."
Starbuck: "Make it happen. Lizzie, why don't you think pretty? And take down your hair."
Lizzie:"No."
Starbuck: "Please." (he starts taking her hair down)
Lizzie:"No."
Starbuck: "Nobody sees you. Nobody but me, Lizzie." (takes her hair down and smooths it away from her face). "Now close your eyes. Close them. Now say: 'I'm pretty.'"
Lizzie:"I can't!"
Starbuck: "Say it, Lizzie. Say it!"
Lizzie:"I'm pretty."
Starbuck: "Say it again."
Lizzie:"Pretty."
Starbuck: "Say it, mean it!"
Lizzie:"I'm pretty... I'm pretty... I'm pretty!"
So every once in a while I'll see a movie that really strikes me, like for once Hollywood actually got something right. This was one of those movies. It was made in... I think 1956. I'm a big classic film fan, and there are a lot I haven't seen and so I just watched this one for the first time. Burt Lancaster is Starbuck, a con man, and Katheryn Hepburn is a "plain" country girl named Lizzie living in a house full of men who are trying desperately to get her married off (her Dad and two brothers). One of the brothers, Noah, is particularly harsh and judgemental, not that he's trying to be. He's trying to be loving, but failing at it rather, and tells her that she's plain and she's going to be an old maid. That's when Lizzie runs and finds Starbuck. She tells him about her dreams to have a husband and children, which to Starbuck's standard's a rather small dreams. And that is when this scene takes place.
This is a great scene! I love it! I relate to it on some level. I may not feel as plain as Lizzie does, but I can be honest in saying that for the most part I don't think I'm particularly pretty or feel that I am. Sure I have my days when I get done up and think to myself, "Dang girl, you lookin' good!" But on the average day of the week when I'm in my jeans and sweater, with my hair pulled back in a pony tail, I don't feel all that stunning. And admittedly, it is hard to admit to being pretty at all, even when I do feel that way. I think this is true for most women, granted that is a large generality, but most women at one time or another, (as some women have gotten past this point and see their beauty as clearly as it is), have felt this way. Men don't understand this very well. I don't blame them for not fully getting it, even I think it's down right silly not to be able to see my own beauty! None the less, there it is, generally invisible to me.
Now I've been told I'm pretty, but knowing it is something entirely different. I like that Starbuck tells her that her mirror is in the wrong place. He's absolutely right! It does have to be inside you, but probably not the way he means it. I take that more as it being Christ inside me, in my life. He's the one I have to look at to be able to see my own beauty, or general value at all. But it is scary to look there. Oh, goodness, to be confronted with the beauty of Christ and then realize that that beauty is my own! That's a wonderful thing, and yet somehow a terrifying thing too. You're so used to believing the bad stuff that when you see the good it's a touch frightening. Not like a horror film frightening, rather more like a "what if this is too good to be true? what if it's lie and when I wake up tomorrow morning I'm still 'ugly' old me? can I really trust this?" kind of frightening. Women have spoken and heard so many words that assault our beauty and concept of our own beauty that believing something good about it is really difficult.
But this is the other thing I like, which I think the Lord sort of does with us too. Starbuck confronts her fears, he takes her by the hand and leads her out of them. He pounds it into her head that she's beautiful and her life isn't over, and no matter what anyone says she is beautiful. He's gentle with her, but firm and resolved that she should not leave him until she knows what he knows about her. And by the time she leaves, she does. Isn't that what God does? Maybe not in so obvious a way, but isn't every sunset, or sunrise, every shooting star, towering mountain, blooming flower, every smiling child, every freckle on your face, every shade of color in your hair a testament to your beauty and value? As though with everything you see He whispers in your ear, if you listen very closely "You are lovely. You are my creation, and I love you." And when you can't see it He takes down everything in your life (like Starbuck took down Lizzie's hair I swept away from her face) until you can see yourself, in all your captivating beauty, and tells to you admit it. That no one is watching or listening, but Him. That it's safe to face the beauty you have, that it is real, it is true, you can trust it, because that beauty was made by Him, for His glory, to give life to the world. *sigh* Wow, that's romance. lol
I think that's rather profound, don't you? And to think that Hollywood actually understood for a moment the condition of a woman's heart and the sort of care it needs! Well that was 50 years ago... although I think Pretty Woman generally got it right too, and maybe a couple others. So, I really liked this movie. I think just about every person should see this scene. Sure it's a little cheesy, Burt Lancaster is quite an animated character, but what it's saying is real. I think it's awesome that God does that in our lives. I think it's wonderful that it's something that only He can reveal to us. I find the more I grow in my faith the more comfortable I am with my beauty, and the more I believe in it. God is so AWESOME! Goodness, I just can't help but say it! =) He pretty much makes me happy, what can I say?
I remember once in high school. It was my senior year and I was working for a photographer, Piare Mohan. He had gotten a bunch of fire and ice roses to give to customers when they came in, (He was a bit of a romantic as well and he wanted women to feel pretty). At the end of the day when I went home he told me to choose a rose to take with me. So I picked one out. They were all brilliantly beautiful, gorgeous blooms that were open big and wide, but this one was truly stunning. I've never seen a more beautiful flower, it was flawless. As I walked out to my car I was admiring it's beauty and the way it smelled, and all of a sudden out of no where the Lord just popped right into my head (as He often does) and told me that I was even more beautiful than the rose I was holding... That's got to be one of the sweetest things I've ever heard in my entire life, I'm sure I blushed. He still does that from time to time. It's a big deal to hear something like that from your creator, and it's not something you're likely to forget. But, it's something He's saying all the time, we just don't take the time to listen.
So, men and women alike, I challenge you to pay attention to what the Lord is telling you everyday about how important you are to Him, how much He loves you, how priceless you are to Him, and how lovely you really are (or handsome ;)). Take hint from Starbuck and Lizzie and put the mirror where it should be, look at it, and believe it, trust it. Because every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord and that is one!
Monday, March 10, 2008
A Gangling Epoch Fated
First off I would just like to say that I love the thesaurus! It's amazing! I love it =D
Now for the important stuff. Sorry for being in between so long, but I've been ridiculously busy, and richly blessed as well. So I'll give you the short version update of Pueblo and my life... as short as my short posts ever are at least. I'll be leaving a lot out, but I'll touch on the particularly important parts =)
Ready? Here goes...
Hurrah! I'm 22 years old! Whoop-whoop! I had a splendid birthday with my family and boyfriend. We pretty much just hung out and watched movies, which was perfect. It was really good just to be together, especially when considering that next year I won't be with them during my birthday, God willing. That was the last truly restful weekend I've had in almost a month now. It will be over a month by the time I get another one. So I'm very thankful for that time =) Yay for 22!
The Monday directly following my birthday started an intense week of prayer, which was lovingly titled "Prayer Week"! Isn't that title original? I spent hours slaving over a perfect name for the week and came up with that 100% original, never been used, and certainly not obvious title for it. I think I might get a patent on it ;) Prayer week was phenomenal! We had a lot of people come and pray with us over the campus. The first two days we had about 12 people show up on both days and the rest of the week went from around 10-8 people depending on what was happening on campus during that day. We got to prayer walk each section of our campus and really invite the Spirit in to come and change things. I think it's been a good thing, and I'm looking forward to hearing how the next one goes.
After our week of prayer the prayer team go together Saturday to have a mini-prayer retreat, which was really wonderful as well. The team got to really connect with each other and talk about prayer, what it is, why it's important, how we should pray etc. It was a really unifying thing I think. The biggest complaint I've heard about the prayer team is that we aren't really much of a team, so we're trying to get that happening and give people individual responsibilities to take care of. Which is great for Anthony and I because then the weight of the prayer ministry isn't all on our shoulders, and our team of people get to practice leadership in a greater fashion.
By the end of the semester I hope to have a prayer seminar/work shop day with Crusade where each member of the prayer team will teach on a different aspect of prayer and then apply it to our lives. My goal is to get Crusaders interested in prayer so that they can do a 24/7 prayer room ministry next year some time. 24/7 prayer is a major thing that's sweeping the nation and campuses all over the place so that students can intercede for the lost and the nations. It's really, really exciting, but right now we just don't have enough interest in prayer to get that kind of movement going on our campus.
Also this last weekend the Serbia Xperience '08 team got together for their training weekend. Russell is going to Serbia over the summer, so I took him up to the Springs for the training and hung around the Springs doing my own thing. What I did get to see of the team is really exciting. There are way fewer people going this summer, and I think that they're a little nervous about the numbers, but I think it's a good thing. What ran through my mind is that maybe there isn't as great a need for lots of people to go because the Serbs themselves are going to be stepping up into leadership in ministry there. Isn't that an exciting idea? At any rate, things are definitely changing for Serbia, if you've been reading the news I'm sure you know about it. And I think that God is really going to be working through all the changes there. The team looks good, I'm excited to see how things go with this group of people. So far there are only 3 guys going who are students, and two interns that are guys, and there are I think something like 7 girls going and 1 intern girl, plus the staff leaders. So significantly fewer numbers, especially where men are concerned.
As for me, I've gotten my application to go on Stint in. Yep, still planning on going to Serbia in the fall for year. Despite all the press about unrest in Serbia, I'm not nervous at all about going and I still feel like that's where I should be. I'm really excited to be going, and rather jealous (not gonna lie) of the summer project team because they get to go a lot sooner than I do. Sad moment! But I'll get to stay for a year, so I still win out ;) I'm terribly anxious to find out whether or not I've been accepted. I believe all the men who are Stint now are applying to re-Stint for the fall, and I think one or two of the women there are also applying, and possibly another woman who is currently Stinting in Hungary. I don't have any confirmation about that, but I've been praying that the Lord would assemble the right team for Stint next year. And to tell the truth, the media has really skewed the way things are going in Serbia. The rioting has not been nearly so bad as the American media has made it look. There have been many peaceful protests and the 'mob' of people who took out the US embassy were only a small group. The Stint team has said that they feel safe and unthreatened. Just an FYI in case you think I'm crazy for wanting to go over there. And besides, I am a little crazy anyway.
As for the rest of life, things have been busy and exhausting. God has been really good and kept me going, although I have had a couple weeks of just feeling dry and distant from everything and every one. But things are much better now. Presently I'm fighting hard against a cold and losing the battle. Which leaves me rather cranky and feeling much like I don't want to do anything, not even sing, which for me is a big deal. I've been writing music like mad over the last week. I finally got some manuscript paper and I'm just as happy as a clown, but not as creepy as one.
The Lord has been really good about reassuring me in my relationship with Russ, and giving me strength to trust Him in our relationship which is really, really hard. You go through a lot of life and find something that good and then something happens and it's taken away, and you get to a place where you start to expect it and you put your heart in a box and try to keep yourself from feeling anything too much for fear of being hurt when the good is suddenly gone. I think that's a pretty universal thing that happens with people, especially in relationships. So that's been my struggle, keeping my heart out of the box and in God's hands and trusting Him with this wonderful thing. Because what God is doing in this relationship is way better than good, which makes it all the more risky to put myself out there and be real with this man, not to with hold who I am or hide it, but also not to just put it all out there at once too. I have been richly blessed to get to know Russ more and spend time with him, and have the greater blessing to have been drawn closer to God in the process as I allow Him to love me and heal me through this relationship. It's rough trusting Him completely, but it's been really good and rewarding to do so as well. As I was walking around this weekend the Lord was reminding me that every good and perfect gift comes from Him, and I was able to take comfort in that and rejoice in it. Because this is a good and perfect gift, and if it's from the Lord, it's worth trusting Him with too =)
Ok, I think that's all for the time being. I pray that you are blessed indeed! I'll try not to be too long between posts again, but no promises. Things are so crazy right now. *hugs* all around!
Now for the important stuff. Sorry for being in between so long, but I've been ridiculously busy, and richly blessed as well. So I'll give you the short version update of Pueblo and my life... as short as my short posts ever are at least. I'll be leaving a lot out, but I'll touch on the particularly important parts =)
Ready? Here goes...
Hurrah! I'm 22 years old! Whoop-whoop! I had a splendid birthday with my family and boyfriend. We pretty much just hung out and watched movies, which was perfect. It was really good just to be together, especially when considering that next year I won't be with them during my birthday, God willing. That was the last truly restful weekend I've had in almost a month now. It will be over a month by the time I get another one. So I'm very thankful for that time =) Yay for 22!
The Monday directly following my birthday started an intense week of prayer, which was lovingly titled "Prayer Week"! Isn't that title original? I spent hours slaving over a perfect name for the week and came up with that 100% original, never been used, and certainly not obvious title for it. I think I might get a patent on it ;) Prayer week was phenomenal! We had a lot of people come and pray with us over the campus. The first two days we had about 12 people show up on both days and the rest of the week went from around 10-8 people depending on what was happening on campus during that day. We got to prayer walk each section of our campus and really invite the Spirit in to come and change things. I think it's been a good thing, and I'm looking forward to hearing how the next one goes.
After our week of prayer the prayer team go together Saturday to have a mini-prayer retreat, which was really wonderful as well. The team got to really connect with each other and talk about prayer, what it is, why it's important, how we should pray etc. It was a really unifying thing I think. The biggest complaint I've heard about the prayer team is that we aren't really much of a team, so we're trying to get that happening and give people individual responsibilities to take care of. Which is great for Anthony and I because then the weight of the prayer ministry isn't all on our shoulders, and our team of people get to practice leadership in a greater fashion.
By the end of the semester I hope to have a prayer seminar/work shop day with Crusade where each member of the prayer team will teach on a different aspect of prayer and then apply it to our lives. My goal is to get Crusaders interested in prayer so that they can do a 24/7 prayer room ministry next year some time. 24/7 prayer is a major thing that's sweeping the nation and campuses all over the place so that students can intercede for the lost and the nations. It's really, really exciting, but right now we just don't have enough interest in prayer to get that kind of movement going on our campus.
Also this last weekend the Serbia Xperience '08 team got together for their training weekend. Russell is going to Serbia over the summer, so I took him up to the Springs for the training and hung around the Springs doing my own thing. What I did get to see of the team is really exciting. There are way fewer people going this summer, and I think that they're a little nervous about the numbers, but I think it's a good thing. What ran through my mind is that maybe there isn't as great a need for lots of people to go because the Serbs themselves are going to be stepping up into leadership in ministry there. Isn't that an exciting idea? At any rate, things are definitely changing for Serbia, if you've been reading the news I'm sure you know about it. And I think that God is really going to be working through all the changes there. The team looks good, I'm excited to see how things go with this group of people. So far there are only 3 guys going who are students, and two interns that are guys, and there are I think something like 7 girls going and 1 intern girl, plus the staff leaders. So significantly fewer numbers, especially where men are concerned.
As for me, I've gotten my application to go on Stint in. Yep, still planning on going to Serbia in the fall for year. Despite all the press about unrest in Serbia, I'm not nervous at all about going and I still feel like that's where I should be. I'm really excited to be going, and rather jealous (not gonna lie) of the summer project team because they get to go a lot sooner than I do. Sad moment! But I'll get to stay for a year, so I still win out ;) I'm terribly anxious to find out whether or not I've been accepted. I believe all the men who are Stint now are applying to re-Stint for the fall, and I think one or two of the women there are also applying, and possibly another woman who is currently Stinting in Hungary. I don't have any confirmation about that, but I've been praying that the Lord would assemble the right team for Stint next year. And to tell the truth, the media has really skewed the way things are going in Serbia. The rioting has not been nearly so bad as the American media has made it look. There have been many peaceful protests and the 'mob' of people who took out the US embassy were only a small group. The Stint team has said that they feel safe and unthreatened. Just an FYI in case you think I'm crazy for wanting to go over there. And besides, I am a little crazy anyway.
As for the rest of life, things have been busy and exhausting. God has been really good and kept me going, although I have had a couple weeks of just feeling dry and distant from everything and every one. But things are much better now. Presently I'm fighting hard against a cold and losing the battle. Which leaves me rather cranky and feeling much like I don't want to do anything, not even sing, which for me is a big deal. I've been writing music like mad over the last week. I finally got some manuscript paper and I'm just as happy as a clown, but not as creepy as one.
The Lord has been really good about reassuring me in my relationship with Russ, and giving me strength to trust Him in our relationship which is really, really hard. You go through a lot of life and find something that good and then something happens and it's taken away, and you get to a place where you start to expect it and you put your heart in a box and try to keep yourself from feeling anything too much for fear of being hurt when the good is suddenly gone. I think that's a pretty universal thing that happens with people, especially in relationships. So that's been my struggle, keeping my heart out of the box and in God's hands and trusting Him with this wonderful thing. Because what God is doing in this relationship is way better than good, which makes it all the more risky to put myself out there and be real with this man, not to with hold who I am or hide it, but also not to just put it all out there at once too. I have been richly blessed to get to know Russ more and spend time with him, and have the greater blessing to have been drawn closer to God in the process as I allow Him to love me and heal me through this relationship. It's rough trusting Him completely, but it's been really good and rewarding to do so as well. As I was walking around this weekend the Lord was reminding me that every good and perfect gift comes from Him, and I was able to take comfort in that and rejoice in it. Because this is a good and perfect gift, and if it's from the Lord, it's worth trusting Him with too =)
Ok, I think that's all for the time being. I pray that you are blessed indeed! I'll try not to be too long between posts again, but no promises. Things are so crazy right now. *hugs* all around!
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Reading Up, Down & Side to Side
Happy and Blessed 2008 to all! It's hard to believe we're already at the beginning of a new year. I'm afraid this may turn into a particularly long, and rather backward post, but I have some fun things to share. Well, I think they're fun/interesting/exciting anyway. I'll start with the now and work my way back through DCC last week, hence the backward part.
I've started reading Shadow of the Almighty by Elisabeth Elliot, which you may or may not know is about the life of Jim Elliot who died sharing the gospel with Auca Indians in the jungle. There are about 250 pages in this story and I'm only about 60 pages in and just completely glued to the book. Elisabeth is writing her husbands story with hundreds of excerpts from his journals and letters to his family. It's really amazing. I've wanted to read the biographies and stories of Christian revolutionaries for a while now, but just haven't gotten around to it and now I'm stuck on it I think. I'll try to get through at least one every month until I leave for Serbia and then I'll probably have to find a new way of doing it besides a trip to Barnes and Noble seeing as Serbia doesn't particularly have one of those, and if they did I don't think these books would be overflowing on the shelves.
I'm quite inspired and maybe a touch convicted too. This man had so much passion, and he always did, from the time he was in high school he recognized the importance of the mission field. Right now I'm reading about his college life, and what he has to say is really awesome. The prayers he lifted up to God were amazing, just that he didn't care about his life and he was completely willing to die for the gospel. He lived entirely for the Lord and refused to live for himself. He denied himself material comforts and struggled with the desire to date/court because of the focus it could take off of God. Any time anything came up he immediately surrendered it to the Lord. He preached with passion and went out of his way to minister.
When he was twenty years old (this is on page 54 of my book) he wrote: "Our young men are going into the professional fields because they don't 'feel called' to the mission field. We don't need a call; we need a kick in the pants. We must begin thinking in terms of 'going out' and stop our weeping because 'they won't come in.' Who wants to step into and igloo? The tombs themselves are not colder than the churches. May God send us forth." And shortly after writing that he goes out to the railroads to share the gospel and meets with little success. Check this out, hear his pain as he writes this, it's beautiful: "No fruit yet... Why is it I'm so unproductive? I cannot recall leading more than one or two into the kingdom. Surely this is not the manifestation of the power of the Resurrection. I feel as Rachel, 'Give me children, or else I die.'"
I don't know about you but if I led one or two people into the kingdom I'd be pretty darn excited about it! But this man is groaning because he hasn't led more to Christ! And he's irritated about the lack of passion for missions, and the silly expectancy of the church for people just to waltz right into the pews. I have to admit that I feel much the same way, but his passion far exceeds my own. I want passion like this, and some of his prayers echo my own when I dream about Serbia, and going back, and the sacrifice it means for me and my family, and how small a sacrifice that is for the glory of God. I love this! I love that I'm not the only one who feels that way, that there is someone else who has felt it. I love that my passion is going to grow and maybe one day I'll have the same zeal for the gospel that this man had and the boldness, unrestrained boldness for the cross that he displays. It's incredible! And it shouldn't be! This is how it should be, that we would cry out to God when only a few people we meet are saved in a day. I'm ashamed that I don't get frustrated about that. That's so awesome! This man is worth being discipled by, let me tell you.
There's a lot more I could say about that, but for the sake of space and allowing you to get back to work, or life in general I'm going to move on to DCC (Denver Christmas Conference). It was a really good week. It was a challenge for me because I was very unwell most of the time, but God used it to His glory as I had asked Him too. The theme of the conference this year was "Masterpiece" and becoming God's masterpiece, and realizing that we are that, and using our gifts as His masterpiece, etc. Brian Loritts did the morning sessions again this year, which I'm very glad of or else I might not have been as inclined to attend. He's a passionate man who just has a lot of life in him, and he had a lot of really good things to say, not all of which I can recall presently. It's one of those things where I've learned a lot, but I couldn't put into words exactly what I've learned, if you know what I mean.
I was blessed to be able to have a lot of time with the people I needed to meet with the most. It was good that I was so ill through out the week because I got to spend more time with the girls I'm discipling that I wouldn't have otherwise if I hadn't been lying in bed most of the time. We talked a lot about relationships, guy-girl relationships that is. No big surprise there, that's one of those important things that girls in particular have a strong care about. It was good to discuss the importance of physical purity in a relationship, and how to maintain that, and how to stop yourself if you ever lose sight of that goal. And then there was also much talk about summer missionary projects and where to go, and what happens while you're there. Please pray for Chelsea, she feels God calling her to Serbia, but her family at this point won't support her going. I've been trying to encourage her, but it's really difficult to not have the support of your family. I told her that she was being revolutionary, which is something that Brian Loritts had been talking about just that morning. That seemed to lift her spirits a little bit, but not much since being revolutionary means absolutely facing opposition, even from the ones you love.
I also had a wonderful experience with the man I'm dating. I was extremely blessed by his willingness to sacrifice time with me so I could minister to the women and be ministered to by the women who were there. He was very unselfish with our time, which I really appreciated, and despite how much time I spent with my girl-friends I got to spend just as much time with him. We even got to go dancing finally, which was hard for me because I'm extremely self-conscious, and rather timid as well, but he performed wonderfully by just leading. We got to do some ministry together for a waitress who served us at a restaurant, who could also use your prayers. We didn't find out what was wrong, but it was clear that she was very unhappy, and had been for some time, but we got to tip her well, and write her note, and then pray for her as we went back to the hotel. That was a fun experience. And then we just got to be silly together. Oo, we also got to do some awesome worship time with a bunch of other random musicians who were there. There were eleven of us all together for a while, playing guitar, a make-shift drum from the guitar case, violin, mandolin, and then we vocalists. It was great! We worshiped with random people coming and going for one or two hours at least. It was a blast! Again difficult for me because I'm very timid, singing in front of people when they're just passing by, and not paying attention is ok, but when they start gathering around is different, but God is awesome!
I got to delve into the word some too which was interesting. I got to read about Enoch, which there isn't much written about sadly, not in the canonized Bible anyway, and Jephthah who has a remarkably sad story which I don't completely understand, and will read again in the near future, and more on Abraham who is truly fascinating, and of course some from the book of John for my Bible study with Russ. It's been a very fulfilling week all around. God is moving and I expect some awesome things to happen this year and especially here in the next semester... which I still am not entirely sure how I'm going to pay for.
I've started reading Shadow of the Almighty by Elisabeth Elliot, which you may or may not know is about the life of Jim Elliot who died sharing the gospel with Auca Indians in the jungle. There are about 250 pages in this story and I'm only about 60 pages in and just completely glued to the book. Elisabeth is writing her husbands story with hundreds of excerpts from his journals and letters to his family. It's really amazing. I've wanted to read the biographies and stories of Christian revolutionaries for a while now, but just haven't gotten around to it and now I'm stuck on it I think. I'll try to get through at least one every month until I leave for Serbia and then I'll probably have to find a new way of doing it besides a trip to Barnes and Noble seeing as Serbia doesn't particularly have one of those, and if they did I don't think these books would be overflowing on the shelves.
I'm quite inspired and maybe a touch convicted too. This man had so much passion, and he always did, from the time he was in high school he recognized the importance of the mission field. Right now I'm reading about his college life, and what he has to say is really awesome. The prayers he lifted up to God were amazing, just that he didn't care about his life and he was completely willing to die for the gospel. He lived entirely for the Lord and refused to live for himself. He denied himself material comforts and struggled with the desire to date/court because of the focus it could take off of God. Any time anything came up he immediately surrendered it to the Lord. He preached with passion and went out of his way to minister.
When he was twenty years old (this is on page 54 of my book) he wrote: "Our young men are going into the professional fields because they don't 'feel called' to the mission field. We don't need a call; we need a kick in the pants. We must begin thinking in terms of 'going out' and stop our weeping because 'they won't come in.' Who wants to step into and igloo? The tombs themselves are not colder than the churches. May God send us forth." And shortly after writing that he goes out to the railroads to share the gospel and meets with little success. Check this out, hear his pain as he writes this, it's beautiful: "No fruit yet... Why is it I'm so unproductive? I cannot recall leading more than one or two into the kingdom. Surely this is not the manifestation of the power of the Resurrection. I feel as Rachel, 'Give me children, or else I die.'"
I don't know about you but if I led one or two people into the kingdom I'd be pretty darn excited about it! But this man is groaning because he hasn't led more to Christ! And he's irritated about the lack of passion for missions, and the silly expectancy of the church for people just to waltz right into the pews. I have to admit that I feel much the same way, but his passion far exceeds my own. I want passion like this, and some of his prayers echo my own when I dream about Serbia, and going back, and the sacrifice it means for me and my family, and how small a sacrifice that is for the glory of God. I love this! I love that I'm not the only one who feels that way, that there is someone else who has felt it. I love that my passion is going to grow and maybe one day I'll have the same zeal for the gospel that this man had and the boldness, unrestrained boldness for the cross that he displays. It's incredible! And it shouldn't be! This is how it should be, that we would cry out to God when only a few people we meet are saved in a day. I'm ashamed that I don't get frustrated about that. That's so awesome! This man is worth being discipled by, let me tell you.
There's a lot more I could say about that, but for the sake of space and allowing you to get back to work, or life in general I'm going to move on to DCC (Denver Christmas Conference). It was a really good week. It was a challenge for me because I was very unwell most of the time, but God used it to His glory as I had asked Him too. The theme of the conference this year was "Masterpiece" and becoming God's masterpiece, and realizing that we are that, and using our gifts as His masterpiece, etc. Brian Loritts did the morning sessions again this year, which I'm very glad of or else I might not have been as inclined to attend. He's a passionate man who just has a lot of life in him, and he had a lot of really good things to say, not all of which I can recall presently. It's one of those things where I've learned a lot, but I couldn't put into words exactly what I've learned, if you know what I mean.
I was blessed to be able to have a lot of time with the people I needed to meet with the most. It was good that I was so ill through out the week because I got to spend more time with the girls I'm discipling that I wouldn't have otherwise if I hadn't been lying in bed most of the time. We talked a lot about relationships, guy-girl relationships that is. No big surprise there, that's one of those important things that girls in particular have a strong care about. It was good to discuss the importance of physical purity in a relationship, and how to maintain that, and how to stop yourself if you ever lose sight of that goal. And then there was also much talk about summer missionary projects and where to go, and what happens while you're there. Please pray for Chelsea, she feels God calling her to Serbia, but her family at this point won't support her going. I've been trying to encourage her, but it's really difficult to not have the support of your family. I told her that she was being revolutionary, which is something that Brian Loritts had been talking about just that morning. That seemed to lift her spirits a little bit, but not much since being revolutionary means absolutely facing opposition, even from the ones you love.
I also had a wonderful experience with the man I'm dating. I was extremely blessed by his willingness to sacrifice time with me so I could minister to the women and be ministered to by the women who were there. He was very unselfish with our time, which I really appreciated, and despite how much time I spent with my girl-friends I got to spend just as much time with him. We even got to go dancing finally, which was hard for me because I'm extremely self-conscious, and rather timid as well, but he performed wonderfully by just leading. We got to do some ministry together for a waitress who served us at a restaurant, who could also use your prayers. We didn't find out what was wrong, but it was clear that she was very unhappy, and had been for some time, but we got to tip her well, and write her note, and then pray for her as we went back to the hotel. That was a fun experience. And then we just got to be silly together. Oo, we also got to do some awesome worship time with a bunch of other random musicians who were there. There were eleven of us all together for a while, playing guitar, a make-shift drum from the guitar case, violin, mandolin, and then we vocalists. It was great! We worshiped with random people coming and going for one or two hours at least. It was a blast! Again difficult for me because I'm very timid, singing in front of people when they're just passing by, and not paying attention is ok, but when they start gathering around is different, but God is awesome!
I got to delve into the word some too which was interesting. I got to read about Enoch, which there isn't much written about sadly, not in the canonized Bible anyway, and Jephthah who has a remarkably sad story which I don't completely understand, and will read again in the near future, and more on Abraham who is truly fascinating, and of course some from the book of John for my Bible study with Russ. It's been a very fulfilling week all around. God is moving and I expect some awesome things to happen this year and especially here in the next semester... which I still am not entirely sure how I'm going to pay for.
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