The Imminent Bag to the Antipodal

I had to do a lot of research to get that title, just to let you know. I used the online thesaurus for "preparing"( imminent) "venture" (Bag, I don't know how bag related to venture but it apparently does) and "foreign" (antipodal). So I'm preparing to venture into a foreign land, in exactly one week. In fact at this specific time one week from now I should be either in the air or just taking off. The flight is at 1:55 but it's always hard to say if you'll get off the ground on time. Therefore consider this the beginning of my posts about Serbia and the Xperience of trip 2007.

Can I just say that it's finally starting to sink into my thick head that I'm leaving and it's really freaking me out at this particular juncture. Every time I think about it my stomach ties up in knots and I get at giggly and squealy. I half want to laugh with excitement and half want to scream with terror. Was I very sane when I signed up for this project? Hmmm... not so sure about that one.

And then logical me (I know that sounds funny) grips me, the hysterical me, and says: "What the heck are you freaked out about? Everything is going to be fine! You know it's going to be fine, what's wrong with you?!" But then I think I might be schizophrenic because I'm referring to a logical and hysterical me... Well anyway, for a brief moment I get a grip, and then go back into hysteria thinking, in a mild panic, of how I'm going to pack (and pack lightly enough) to not be too weighed down by my luggage as we walk the streets in a strange country. Thinking about it makes me want to shudder, I don't really know why. I feel very unfocused, because packing and leaving are not exactly the biggest or most important parts of this trip. However, I can't seem to focus on the really important parts, like reaching people for Christ and getting to know him better myself.

I'm stuck in a strange place constantly bouncing from sheer excitement and jumping for joy, and then to sheer terror wringing my hands in agony. However, I definitely have some things going for me. Things like, I'm going with friends and not strangers. I know everyone on the team, except for a couple who are out of town or out of state, and they are all people that I love dearly. They are encouraging people, and good prayers, and servants who really love God and can steady me when I start to go a little crazy. They are also people that I can steady when they start to go a little crazy, although I think it would be best if there was only one crazy person active on the team at any given time. I'm even going with people who have been before, who know what to expect from the people there. They have an understanding of the culture, not complete, but still there. I also have people here who are great intercessors and will be praying for the team and what happens while we are there. They will be such a vital part of what happens that with out them there could be no trip, period. The man leading out team is an outstanding man of God. There is a strong air of authority about him. Not in the way that the guy you work for that's bully in the office is, you know what I mean? It's authority, but there is grace in his authority and love and compassion. It's not a face he puts on to push around people that are below him.

Keep in mind though, as I speak to myself here, that the greatest thing going for me, my team, and this trip in general, is that God is with us. His hand is heavy upon us all and the adventure we are undertaking. There can be no mistaking it in the least. He has provided in abundance for me and for several others on the team, enough abundance to provide money for others to come who might not have been able to otherwise. This one trip, all by itself, has been in the works for many, many years. I do not know the face of God, what he looks like or how exactly he thinks. I don't know how his mind works, and I cannot fathom the plans he has for this journey or the effects hereafter. I do know, however, that this one small and seemingly insignificant voyage has been in his mind for years, decades, maybe even centuries. I know my God is a strategist, and that he has been lining everything up for this trip, from simple accommodations like food and housing, to the precise people he intends to be on the team, to each and every person who will attend the English camps. He has been working on my heart for this moment for the past twenty-one years, and this is only the first step toward something even bigger in the future that I know nothing about at this point. He has been preparing the hearts of the Serbian students that we will see for the whole of their lives as well. There is no mistaking such a thing. Many people would say I'm crazy for saying such a thing... well I've already admitted to being a bit crazy, so you were right. But I know it, I know like I know that the sun will rise in the morning and set in the evening. No one has to tell me, I know.

*sigh* This line of thought gives me peace and for a moment, that lasts as long as (admittedly) I allow it to, I'm not bouncing between excitement and terror. I'm content, and confident, and fearless. The torrent I'm about to step into hardly even touches the edges of my mind, much like Peter must have felt as he stepped onto the waves to go and meet Christ. The trick now, is to stay focused on Him and not panic and sink back into the water. That should be easy right?

Yay God Moment

I have a fabulous yay God moment to share with you today. It almost didn't happen, but I followed through! There is a guy I went to school with, my earliest memories of being in class with him go back to at least fourth grade, probably before that even. So I've known him for a long time, we have never been close, and in high school I really didn't like him most of the time. What, then, would you say are the odds that I would dream about him and no one else that I went to school with? I don't dream about my friends from high school, or even enemies. Unless I dream about being in high school, and even then old friends that I interact with aren't really active in my dreams, they don't play any central role. But with this one guy... I dream about every so often, a few months will go by and I'll have another dream about him. They are never very happy dreams, I can't remember the details of them, but the idea sticks: something isn't right.

When I have these dreams they disturb me, and I set out trying to find him some how to see if he's ok. I don't generally put much meaning to my dreams because in general they are rather violent and unhappy so I don't pay much attention. With him though I just had to make sure. I would look for a way to find him to no success, and kind of forget about it until I dreamed of him again. I dreamt of him a few nights ago and happened to be on facebook the next day and decided to take a shot at finding him there, and sure enough there he was! So I "friended" him and waited a day to think about how to approach the subject. After all "hey I haven't seen you in three years but I have dreams about you and they're bad" seems like kind of a weird thing to just pop up and say.

Well after thinking about it I decided there really isn't another way to say it with out sounding insincere when asking how he's doing. I resolved to send him a message last night, but I got sick yesterday and didn't do much of anything. I got up today, still not feeling well, and thought to myself that this is probably just silly and I'm being paranoid and nothing is wrong. He's fine, he doesn't need me prying into his life, after all why should he tell me anything anyway? We were never really friends. I almost didn't send him a message, I was really close to just calling the whole thing off, but at the last second I decided to try anyway despite sounding like a crazy person.

I wrote to him and explained that I have been dreaming about him every once in a while and that the dreams usually aren't very good ones and that I wanted to know how he was. I was careful to explain that I really do want to know. You know how sometimes you see someone you haven't seen in a while and there's that awkward "so how are you?" question that comes up, and really don't want to know how they are. You want them to say "I'm doing good." and leave it at that so that you don't have to get hung up with them in more awkward conversation. I wanted to make sure that he didn't just give me the answer most people want to hear, I really wanted to know how he was and I tried to convey that with the knowledge he would probably just ignore me.

I really didn't expect to get a reply, and if I did get a reply I didn't expect him to actually open up to me. That's where the yay God moment comes in. He did reply, and quickly at that, and even better he answered my question completely and honestly. I was quite shocked at what he revealed to me about what has been going on in his life and how hard it has been over the past year. He had no good reason to trust me with what he told me, and if I had been him I probably wouldn't have revealed so much to a person that I wasn't close to. He allowed me into a very personal place in his life, and I am so honored that he did so, and so proud of him for sharing it because it wasn't easy. Even more, I am so honored that the Lord chose to use me in this instance to gain some insight into his life and being able to pray for him in a more intimate way. And to think that I almost left this guy hanging because I thought it was a dumb thing to ask of someone I really barely know.

So now I get to pray for him and the situations he is facing and I'm really excited about it! I'm excited for him because I know that things are going to get better for him. I can't explain how I know it, and to tell him that would probably seem insensitive to where is at right now, but I know it. I know that what he is going through now, God is going to use in the future to change some person's life. I know because God has done that in my life. I'm excited for his future, because it's going to be absolutely splendid and in the end absolutely perfect. In the midst of this I've learned something too. I've learned that when I get a feeling like that, that I need to find some one and talk to them, that I should just do it before I start to worry that I'm going to sound like I'm crazy. That I shouldn't hesitate, because in that moment of hesitation I could lose the opportunity to show someone the love of Christ.

Ready for the challenge? Here it is: when you feel like God speaks to you and that you need to act, then ACT because it is more important than you can see right then and there. If the Lord quickens your heart to speak to someone, even though it seems odd to speak to them about something, just do it and don't be afraid. Trust that the Lord is using you to help someone who might not otherwise be helped. Show that person love, even though it doesn't make sense in they way you feel you need to do it. Pay attention, and be aware of the Lord speaking into your heart in everything you do. The truth is you can't afford not to pay attention and be aware.

Then at the end of the day you can say YAY GOD!!!