Happenings at the Lighthouse

Extras

2008-08-13T23:08:00.002-06:00

This is really supplementary to my last post. If you want the vitals read my previous, if you want some extra things to hear about read this one! (Please forgive the typos, it's late and I didn't feel like going through it to check it all. Thanks!)

At the start of the year I did a rather in depth character study of Abraham, in which I read his story three or four time just trying to drink in the kind of man he was and the faith he had. Abraham is one of my heroes just because of his willingness to drop everything and follow God with out any knowledge of how the turn out would really be. The last thing I read, which I had trouble getting to actually, it took me three or four tries to actually be able to sit down and study it, was his escapade with Isaac. That particular part of his story still amazes me. Here was this old man whom the Lord had promised a son to, he finally got his son after years of waiting and struggling with it and trying to appease his wife, and then God, his God, asks him to do the most unbearable thing in all of history. He tells Abraham to go and sacrifice his child! His promised child! And Abraham packs everything up and leaves with his son under the continual impression that he is going to kill his promised child. I can't even begin to imagine that... or can I?

This summer has been a wild ride. A little over a year ago the Lord asked me to give up my life to go to Serbia for a year, and I have operated for the last year under the impression and intention of leaving everything I love, everything God has blessed me with, to go there. Knowing full well that I had plenty of reasons to stay here, I have my family to look after, I have nephews whom I love and cherish and would miss seeing them grow and talk and walk and play, I have an incredible man in my life who has blessed me in more ways than I can say, I have a ministry on my campus, I am in the middle of the most difficult part of my education, and I have friends here I love desperately. Knowing all that I made the decision that where God wanted me to be was infinitely more important than the many reasons I have to stay. I know the Lord, He restores what we lose two fold, He returns to us what we sacrifice, and blesses us with the very challenges that seem such a burden when we first look at them. I know that sacrificing life as I know it here would be more than worth it, it would be a good an perfect gift from Him to me. I knew He would provide the lamb, like Abraham knew God would provide the lamb for him, I just didn't expect it to come this way.

Then out of no where, just as Abraham is about to plunge the knife into his son's chest, and angel of the Lord pops out of no where and says "No! Don't do that!" And Abraham is allowed to keep his son, and the Lord blessed him, He even provided a ram for the offering. Oh the intensity of that story! Can you imagine if it were a movie? The angst of the character of Abraham walking with his son up the mountain, building the altar, binding the boy... the pain, and the hope, the silent prayer on his lips, but the stern willingness to follow God without hesitation. That's true intensity.

I can't say my story is quite the dramatic on the outside. And it's a stretch to compare myself to Abraham. I'm a very young woman, and I have so much to learn. Abraham was a very old man who was wise and easy with the Lord in a way that I may never achieve. However the pain I had over two or three days as I wrestled with whether or not I was really supposed to go. I can't even describe it to you. I couldn't eat or sleep for two days. What I did eat was small and unsettled, and when I slept it was only a few hours of restless nightmares. My will is firmly set on what the Lord wants for me. If He wants me in Serbia I will be there in the blink of an eye, if He wants me here then I have no choice but to stay. But the pain of that. My heart is truly torn, half here in the States with everything I love, and half in Serbia with the nation I don't know if I can truly live with out only because I feel Christ's pain for her deliverance! I have never had to face such a hard decision, but God is faithful. He provided the answers I need precisely when I needed them and gave me sincere peace about it, even providing for me to be registered for my classes and for those who have supported me to continue to support my decision to stay. I am a truly blessed woman to have a God who is faithful, even when I can't see it until the last second when I raise my hand to crush all my own dreams. But the Lord has blessed me and given my dreams back to me because I was willing to sacrifice them on the altar for the glory of His Kingdom. Just as Abraham was willing to sacrifice his promise on the altar for God's glory. I will never forget this chapter of my life and what God has done.

As I said the Lord has given back to me my dreams. He has, I think, promised me my hearts truest desire, which is so precious I don't dare speak it here. I think it is so awesome that God takes notice of my dreams, my hearts truest desires. That He even desires to give them to me, praise the Lord! How an infinite God can desire to take notice of the dreams of a truly finite and worthless blip in eternity is truly mind boggling, unfathomable. Praise His holy name! We are truly blessed who know Him.

In the mean time I have been granted more time with everyone I love. I have been blessed to share Serbia with my boyfriend who has just returned from the Summer mission trip there. It's so wonderful to be able to share our experiences together since I know exactly what he is talking about and now he knows exactly what I am talking about. We even know some of the same Serbians now! It's spectacular! It's exciting to know that we won't have to spend a year apart depending on Skype to keep our relationship going. He's been very supportive of my summer as well, very pleased that I'm going to be home here and also disappointed with me that I don't get to be in the other place I want to so badly to be in. I have greatly appreciated his support. We've been able to resume going to church together, and doing our Bible Study together, and worshipping together which has been so, so, so wonderful. I really missed having that time with him and I'm all the more blessed to have it with him for the next year at least.

Also this summer I have had the unique opportunity to become close friends with a woman I got to school with. She's rather difficult to get to, so the Lord has really worked in my friendship with her. I have been honored to see her grow at an incredible rate this summer from being someone who was vaguely interested and committed to Christ, to being someone who is completely involved, in love, and in pure joy with him. It has been such a wonderful summer to share with her, and I've been so blessed by her this summer especially with all my other friends having been gone and I raising support! She has brought me much joy with her enthusiasm, and perpetual questions, and joyful personality (which she doesn't think she has lol). I'm very excited to be able to continue investing time in our friendship over the coming semesters. She's amazing!

So praise the Lord for Abraham experiences and abundant blessings! God is so good and great and awesome and all those things that you just can fit on a page or into words. Praise His Name! Praise His Name! Praise His Name!

Of Closing Doors and Breezy Windows

2008-08-13T22:48:00.002-06:00

Hello Good Friends!

If you have not been informed yet I would like to let you know that my trip to Serbia for the year has been postponed for a year or two. The Lord has very clearly asked me to remain where I am for the time being. This instruction has come with much pain and tears, and many hours of crying out to God (literally) about what I should do and why I wasn't clear about it sooner. I assure that I would not abandon this project which my heart is so fully connected to, and complete inseparably from, with out being 100% positive that it was the Lord's clear and direct instruction to do so. As it is I yet have hope as the Lord has also made it clear that I will be there eventually, and probably for an extended time. So the Lord has closed this door.

The good news is that He has also opened a window. Because I am staying here I have at least one whole year more to invest on my campus at CSU-Pueblo. This is particularly good news because our school now has a football team which has caused our enrollment to sky rocket! There is so much more work for us to do on campus than there ever has been before. I am so excited for the opportunities that await for this coming year. It's going to be fabulous.

There is another consequence to this turn of events. The other woman that I was supposed to room with in Serbia will not be allowed to go to Serbia either as there are no other women going. That has been sad for she and I both, but the Lord has a plan. At this point there are no American female leaders for the Crusade ministry in Serbia. This has certainly caused some distress for the men who will be going as there is no one to help lead the women! However, I feel that this is God's hand at work again and that He has a clear plan to have the Serbian women take ownership of the ministry there to their own people! I must say, that is a dream come true, although it's come true much more quickly than any of us expected. God has clearly pulled the foreign women (like myself) out of the picture for ministry in Serbia of the next year, and I firmly believe that it is because He wants these beautiful Serbian women to take up the mantel. Something which quite literally brings tears to my eyes and songs of praise to my lips. I don't think it could be any sweeter than this.

As for myself, I am still under a great deal of stress. Most of those who have supported me financially have decided to continue supporting the ministry even though I'm not going, PRAISE GOD!!! However I am now in a very, very difficult position. My Dad has decided fairly definitely that it's time to close the business, a difficult and yet some how releasing decision for him. We'll be shutting down in October. This leaves me in a precarious place. I am trying to get into school, I am registered for my classes purely by the grace of God, but I have positively no way to pay for it. At the very least I need $600 by the 20th in order to go to school HALF time, if I want to go FULL time I need $900. I simply have no way to procure that kind of wealth. I didn't realize I should have been support raising for school! ;) Also, I am in dire need of finding employment, which if you've ever attempted such a thing in Pueblo you are well aware it's extremely difficult. I've sent out a half dozen applications today and tomorrow I intend to go out in person and see if there is anything I can do. This also creates a problem for my involvement in Crusade this semester, I'm not sure if I'll be able to do leadership this year, which I believe is where I will need to be.

Please be praying for my situation at this time, that the Lord would show his power of abundance and provide a way for me go to school full time and have a job and still be able to serve His ministry all at the same time. I truly appreciate your prayer and support. I'm still praising God for what He's doing and how He's been faithful to lead me this summer. Be blessed!

Where I Stand

2008-05-22T15:21:00.002-06:00

Hello friends!

Quick update: I'm done with school for the semester! Yay God! And bless the Lord I passed all my classes and have at GPA of 3.8! Glory to God! I don't know how that happened, but it was the Lord =D Now if only I can retain all that information for the next year and come back to school and keep that GPA where it is now ;)

This summer I'm helping lead a women's Bible study with a friend from school and we've seen a pretty good group of women show up. I'm really excited about this final opportunity for ministry in the States before I leave again. We're reading the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, which is highly recommend to anyone, but especially to women. It's a book that follows the biblical book of Hosea. It's about a prostitute named Angel who marries a godly man and how she learns what love is, and receives Christ as her saviour, but the trials she goes through to realize that by Christ's redeeming love she is worth loving. Very, very good book. So I'm looking forward to hanging out with these women and sharing together what God's love in our lives means and how he has continually bought us out of bondage and heals our wounds and never gives up on us! Yay God!

Lastly, but certainly not at all least, I'm raising support for my trip to Serbia for the next year. I'm very excited about this time of challenge and really, well, hardship. It's no easy thing to ask people to give you money, however wonderful the cause, no matter how thrilling it is for you. I've had the privilege to meet with a few people in the last two weeks, and have really enjoyed sharing about where God is sending me and what he's doing in Serbia now. But, man, it's hard to pick up the phone to call people, not gonna lie. I think right now I'm at a whole 1% of my goal for the whole trip, Praise the Lord! I'm started! So I would really appreciate your prayers over the summer as I trust God to provide a team of people to finance my trip, as well as to pray for me through it. If you are interested in what I'm doing, please let me know. I would love to share with you about it, and I don't want to overlook anyone who might want to be a part of the ministry in Serbia. Thank you very much for your care and prayers during this season of my life =D

Have you Ever...

2008-04-26T12:17:00.002-06:00

Have you ever wanted to do something... different. Something that most people would think you're crazy for doing? I just read an article about suicides in Bridgend in Wales. Suddenly I find myself thinking about how I could possibly get over there by tomorrow morning and start praying over the whole area. There is something inside me that just screams about injustice that people between the ages of 15 and 23 over there are committing suicide because of a twisted sense of reality that it's cool to do it. They don't remember that they'll be dead before they can enjoy their fame and ultra cool new status. That is a warped reality, and unacceptable and everything in my right now just wants to go and fight for them, whatever the cost may be. Unfortunately that kind of trip costs a lot more than I can afford, and it's not at all a rational thing to do. So instead I pull up Google Earth and pray over the map, but I do wish I could be there with the people, on the land, touching the buildings and smelling the air, feeling everything around me. Fighting, be a warrior, just as I was made to be.

The truth is I am doing something different, and even I think I'm a tad off my rocker for doing it. I'm going to Serbia for a year! I get to live in Novi Sad in the middle of nation that is desperate for the Love of Christ, and for which Christ is desperate to Love. It makes my heart smile just to think about the next year of my life, far from home and everything that I know and love, just to be a part of everything my Lord knows and loves. It's very different.

Then I'll come back and attempt by the strength of Christ to get back into school and transfer everything I've learned over that year into a campus that needs that message just a much. OR perhaps I'll stay in my beautiful Novi Sad for another year, again different and veritably insane. Or Stint in another country... like England/Wales, Bosnia, South East Asia, Ethiopia, Cameroon, Thailand, Spain, or some other place I haven't been yet, which is a lot of places. Campus Crusade is set up in 190 countries doing missionary work on some level, that's 98% of the world... so maybe I'll go somewhere that's in that 2%, the unknown territory.

Have you ever wanted to fight for something that's bigger than you? Have you ever wanted to fight for people to know the Love of their God, whether they choose to acknowledge there is a God who can Love or not? Have you ever thought about leaving the country on a whim for the sole purpose of praying for as long as it takes to see a break through happen in a place? Or even just leave your own home? Your city, or your state? There is so much work to be done, and so little time. Especially for young people who don't realize that they are more precious living than dead. We have so very little and precious time. The psalmists often described us as flowers or grass or dust on the wind or whatever have you. They are so right. Our time short, but we live like we have all the time in the world. The problem is that there are plenty of people who are dieing out there, and they don't have time.

What have you wanted to do? What has stopped you? Why did you let it? What do you want to do now? Has the Lord enabled you to do it? Then why not start?

Something Profound from a Movie?

2008-04-10T21:31:00.003-06:00

The Rainmaker:

Starbuck: "I hope your dreams come true. I hope they do."
Lizzie: "They won't. They never will."
Starbuck: "Believe in yourself and they will."
Lizzie:"I got nothing to believe in"
Starbuck: "You're a woman believe in that."
Lizzie:"How can i when nobody else will?"
Starbuck: "You've got to believe it first. Lizzie let me ask you, are you pretty?"
Lizzie:"No! I'm plain!"
Starbuck: "There's no such thing as a plain woman. Every real woman is pretty. They're all pretty in a different way, but they're all pretty."
Lizzie:"Not me. When i look in my looking glass..."
Starbuck: "Don't let Noah be your looking glass."
Lizzie:"He's not. My looking glass is right on the wall."
Starbuck: "It's in the wrong place. It's got to be inside you."
Lizzie:"No."
Starbuck: "Don't be afraid. Look. Then one day, the looking glass will be the man who loves you. It'll be his eyes, maybe. And you'll look in that mirror, and you'll be more than pretty. You'll be beautiful."
Lizzie:"It'll never happen. It'll never be."
Starbuck: "Make it happen. Lizzie, why don't you think pretty? And take down your hair."
Lizzie:"No."
Starbuck: "Please." (he starts taking her hair down)
Lizzie:"No."
Starbuck: "Nobody sees you. Nobody but me, Lizzie." (takes her hair down and smooths it away from her face). "Now close your eyes. Close them. Now say: 'I'm pretty.'"
Lizzie:"I can't!"
Starbuck: "Say it, Lizzie. Say it!"
Lizzie:"I'm pretty."
Starbuck: "Say it again."
Lizzie:"Pretty."
Starbuck: "Say it, mean it!"
Lizzie:"I'm pretty... I'm pretty... I'm pretty!"

So every once in a while I'll see a movie that really strikes me, like for once Hollywood actually got something right. This was one of those movies. It was made in... I think 1956. I'm a big classic film fan, and there are a lot I haven't seen and so I just watched this one for the first time. Burt Lancaster is Starbuck, a con man, and Katheryn Hepburn is a "plain" country girl named Lizzie living in a house full of men who are trying desperately to get her married off (her Dad and two brothers). One of the brothers, Noah, is particularly harsh and judgemental, not that he's trying to be. He's trying to be loving, but failing at it rather, and tells her that she's plain and she's going to be an old maid. That's when Lizzie runs and finds Starbuck. She tells him about her dreams to have a husband and children, which to Starbuck's standard's a rather small dreams. And that is when this scene takes place.

This is a great scene! I love it! I relate to it on some level. I may not feel as plain as Lizzie does, but I can be honest in saying that for the most part I don't think I'm particularly pretty or feel that I am. Sure I have my days when I get done up and think to myself, "Dang girl, you lookin' good!" But on the average day of the week when I'm in my jeans and sweater, with my hair pulled back in a pony tail, I don't feel all that stunning. And admittedly, it is hard to admit to being pretty at all, even when I do feel that way. I think this is true for most women, granted that is a large generality, but most women at one time or another, (as some women have gotten past this point and see their beauty as clearly as it is), have felt this way. Men don't understand this very well. I don't blame them for not fully getting it, even I think it's down right silly not to be able to see my own beauty! None the less, there it is, generally invisible to me.

Now I've been told I'm pretty, but knowing it is something entirely different. I like that Starbuck tells her that her mirror is in the wrong place. He's absolutely right! It does have to be inside you, but probably not the way he means it. I take that more as it being Christ inside me, in my life. He's the one I have to look at to be able to see my own beauty, or general value at all. But it is scary to look there. Oh, goodness, to be confronted with the beauty of Christ and then realize that that beauty is my own! That's a wonderful thing, and yet somehow a terrifying thing too. You're so used to believing the bad stuff that when you see the good it's a touch frightening. Not like a horror film frightening, rather more like a "what if this is too good to be true? what if it's lie and when I wake up tomorrow morning I'm still 'ugly' old me? can I really trust this?" kind of frightening. Women have spoken and heard so many words that assault our beauty and concept of our own beauty that believing something good about it is really difficult.

But this is the other thing I like, which I think the Lord sort of does with us too. Starbuck confronts her fears, he takes her by the hand and leads her out of them. He pounds it into her head that she's beautiful and her life isn't over, and no matter what anyone says she is beautiful. He's gentle with her, but firm and resolved that she should not leave him until she knows what he knows about her. And by the time she leaves, she does. Isn't that what God does? Maybe not in so obvious a way, but isn't every sunset, or sunrise, every shooting star, towering mountain, blooming flower, every smiling child, every freckle on your face, every shade of color in your hair a testament to your beauty and value? As though with everything you see He whispers in your ear, if you listen very closely "You are lovely. You are my creation, and I love you." And when you can't see it He takes down everything in your life (like Starbuck took down Lizzie's hair I swept away from her face) until you can see yourself, in all your captivating beauty, and tells to you admit it. That no one is watching or listening, but Him. That it's safe to face the beauty you have, that it is real, it is true, you can trust it, because that beauty was made by Him, for His glory, to give life to the world. *sigh* Wow, that's romance. lol

I think that's rather profound, don't you? And to think that Hollywood actually understood for a moment the condition of a woman's heart and the sort of care it needs! Well that was 50 years ago... although I think Pretty Woman generally got it right too, and maybe a couple others. So, I really liked this movie. I think just about every person should see this scene. Sure it's a little cheesy, Burt Lancaster is quite an animated character, but what it's saying is real. I think it's awesome that God does that in our lives. I think it's wonderful that it's something that only He can reveal to us. I find the more I grow in my faith the more comfortable I am with my beauty, and the more I believe in it. God is so AWESOME! Goodness, I just can't help but say it! =) He pretty much makes me happy, what can I say?

I remember once in high school. It was my senior year and I was working for a photographer, Piare Mohan. He had gotten a bunch of fire and ice roses to give to customers when they came in, (He was a bit of a romantic as well and he wanted women to feel pretty). At the end of the day when I went home he told me to choose a rose to take with me. So I picked one out. They were all brilliantly beautiful, gorgeous blooms that were open big and wide, but this one was truly stunning. I've never seen a more beautiful flower, it was flawless. As I walked out to my car I was admiring it's beauty and the way it smelled, and all of a sudden out of no where the Lord just popped right into my head (as He often does) and told me that I was even more beautiful than the rose I was holding... That's got to be one of the sweetest things I've ever heard in my entire life, I'm sure I blushed. He still does that from time to time. It's a big deal to hear something like that from your creator, and it's not something you're likely to forget. But, it's something He's saying all the time, we just don't take the time to listen.

So, men and women alike, I challenge you to pay attention to what the Lord is telling you everyday about how important you are to Him, how much He loves you, how priceless you are to Him, and how lovely you really are (or handsome ;)). Take hint from Starbuck and Lizzie and put the mirror where it should be, look at it, and believe it, trust it. Because every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord and that is one!

A Gangling Epoch Fated

2008-03-10T13:47:00.003-06:00

First off I would just like to say that I love the thesaurus! It's amazing! I love it =D

Now for the important stuff. Sorry for being in between so long, but I've been ridiculously busy, and richly blessed as well. So I'll give you the short version update of Pueblo and my life... as short as my short posts ever are at least. I'll be leaving a lot out, but I'll touch on the particularly important parts =)

Ready? Here goes...

Hurrah! I'm 22 years old! Whoop-whoop! I had a splendid birthday with my family and boyfriend. We pretty much just hung out and watched movies, which was perfect. It was really good just to be together, especially when considering that next year I won't be with them during my birthday, God willing. That was the last truly restful weekend I've had in almost a month now. It will be over a month by the time I get another one. So I'm very thankful for that time =) Yay for 22!

The Monday directly following my birthday started an intense week of prayer, which was lovingly titled "Prayer Week"! Isn't that title original? I spent hours slaving over a perfect name for the week and came up with that 100% original, never been used, and certainly not obvious title for it. I think I might get a patent on it ;) Prayer week was phenomenal! We had a lot of people come and pray with us over the campus. The first two days we had about 12 people show up on both days and the rest of the week went from around 10-8 people depending on what was happening on campus during that day. We got to prayer walk each section of our campus and really invite the Spirit in to come and change things. I think it's been a good thing, and I'm looking forward to hearing how the next one goes.

After our week of prayer the prayer team go together Saturday to have a mini-prayer retreat, which was really wonderful as well. The team got to really connect with each other and talk about prayer, what it is, why it's important, how we should pray etc. It was a really unifying thing I think. The biggest complaint I've heard about the prayer team is that we aren't really much of a team, so we're trying to get that happening and give people individual responsibilities to take care of. Which is great for Anthony and I because then the weight of the prayer ministry isn't all on our shoulders, and our team of people get to practice leadership in a greater fashion.

By the end of the semester I hope to have a prayer seminar/work shop day with Crusade where each member of the prayer team will teach on a different aspect of prayer and then apply it to our lives. My goal is to get Crusaders interested in prayer so that they can do a 24/7 prayer room ministry next year some time. 24/7 prayer is a major thing that's sweeping the nation and campuses all over the place so that students can intercede for the lost and the nations. It's really, really exciting, but right now we just don't have enough interest in prayer to get that kind of movement going on our campus.

Also this last weekend the Serbia Xperience '08 team got together for their training weekend. Russell is going to Serbia over the summer, so I took him up to the Springs for the training and hung around the Springs doing my own thing. What I did get to see of the team is really exciting. There are way fewer people going this summer, and I think that they're a little nervous about the numbers, but I think it's a good thing. What ran through my mind is that maybe there isn't as great a need for lots of people to go because the Serbs themselves are going to be stepping up into leadership in ministry there. Isn't that an exciting idea? At any rate, things are definitely changing for Serbia, if you've been reading the news I'm sure you know about it. And I think that God is really going to be working through all the changes there. The team looks good, I'm excited to see how things go with this group of people. So far there are only 3 guys going who are students, and two interns that are guys, and there are I think something like 7 girls going and 1 intern girl, plus the staff leaders. So significantly fewer numbers, especially where men are concerned.

As for me, I've gotten my application to go on Stint in. Yep, still planning on going to Serbia in the fall for year. Despite all the press about unrest in Serbia, I'm not nervous at all about going and I still feel like that's where I should be. I'm really excited to be going, and rather jealous (not gonna lie) of the summer project team because they get to go a lot sooner than I do. Sad moment! But I'll get to stay for a year, so I still win out ;) I'm terribly anxious to find out whether or not I've been accepted. I believe all the men who are Stint now are applying to re-Stint for the fall, and I think one or two of the women there are also applying, and possibly another woman who is currently Stinting in Hungary. I don't have any confirmation about that, but I've been praying that the Lord would assemble the right team for Stint next year. And to tell the truth, the media has really skewed the way things are going in Serbia. The rioting has not been nearly so bad as the American media has made it look. There have been many peaceful protests and the 'mob' of people who took out the US embassy were only a small group. The Stint team has said that they feel safe and unthreatened. Just an FYI in case you think I'm crazy for wanting to go over there. And besides, I am a little crazy anyway.

As for the rest of life, things have been busy and exhausting. God has been really good and kept me going, although I have had a couple weeks of just feeling dry and distant from everything and every one. But things are much better now. Presently I'm fighting hard against a cold and losing the battle. Which leaves me rather cranky and feeling much like I don't want to do anything, not even sing, which for me is a big deal. I've been writing music like mad over the last week. I finally got some manuscript paper and I'm just as happy as a clown, but not as creepy as one.

The Lord has been really good about reassuring me in my relationship with Russ, and giving me strength to trust Him in our relationship which is really, really hard. You go through a lot of life and find something that good and then something happens and it's taken away, and you get to a place where you start to expect it and you put your heart in a box and try to keep yourself from feeling anything too much for fear of being hurt when the good is suddenly gone. I think that's a pretty universal thing that happens with people, especially in relationships. So that's been my struggle, keeping my heart out of the box and in God's hands and trusting Him with this wonderful thing. Because what God is doing in this relationship is way better than good, which makes it all the more risky to put myself out there and be real with this man, not to with hold who I am or hide it, but also not to just put it all out there at once too. I have been richly blessed to get to know Russ more and spend time with him, and have the greater blessing to have been drawn closer to God in the process as I allow Him to love me and heal me through this relationship. It's rough trusting Him completely, but it's been really good and rewarding to do so as well. As I was walking around this weekend the Lord was reminding me that every good and perfect gift comes from Him, and I was able to take comfort in that and rejoice in it. Because this is a good and perfect gift, and if it's from the Lord, it's worth trusting Him with too =)

Ok, I think that's all for the time being. I pray that you are blessed indeed! I'll try not to be too long between posts again, but no promises. Things are so crazy right now. *hugs* all around!

Reading Up, Down & Side to Side

2008-01-09T13:37:00.000-07:00

Happy and Blessed 2008 to all! It's hard to believe we're already at the beginning of a new year. I'm afraid this may turn into a particularly long, and rather backward post, but I have some fun things to share. Well, I think they're fun/interesting/exciting anyway. I'll start with the now and work my way back through DCC last week, hence the backward part.

I've started reading Shadow of the Almighty by Elisabeth Elliot, which you may or may not know is about the life of Jim Elliot who died sharing the gospel with Auca Indians in the jungle. There are about 250 pages in this story and I'm only about 60 pages in and just completely glued to the book. Elisabeth is writing her husbands story with hundreds of excerpts from his journals and letters to his family. It's really amazing. I've wanted to read the biographies and stories of Christian revolutionaries for a while now, but just haven't gotten around to it and now I'm stuck on it I think. I'll try to get through at least one every month until I leave for Serbia and then I'll probably have to find a new way of doing it besides a trip to Barnes and Noble seeing as Serbia doesn't particularly have one of those, and if they did I don't think these books would be overflowing on the shelves.

I'm quite inspired and maybe a touch convicted too. This man had so much passion, and he always did, from the time he was in high school he recognized the importance of the mission field. Right now I'm reading about his college life, and what he has to say is really awesome. The prayers he lifted up to God were amazing, just that he didn't care about his life and he was completely willing to die for the gospel. He lived entirely for the Lord and refused to live for himself. He denied himself material comforts and struggled with the desire to date/court because of the focus it could take off of God. Any time anything came up he immediately surrendered it to the Lord. He preached with passion and went out of his way to minister.

When he was twenty years old (this is on page 54 of my book) he wrote: "Our young men are going into the professional fields because they don't 'feel called' to the mission field. We don't need a call; we need a kick in the pants. We must begin thinking in terms of 'going out' and stop our weeping because 'they won't come in.' Who wants to step into and igloo? The tombs themselves are not colder than the churches. May God send us forth." And shortly after writing that he goes out to the railroads to share the gospel and meets with little success. Check this out, hear his pain as he writes this, it's beautiful: "No fruit yet... Why is it I'm so unproductive? I cannot recall leading more than one or two into the kingdom. Surely this is not the manifestation of the power of the Resurrection. I feel as Rachel, 'Give me children, or else I die.'"

I don't know about you but if I led one or two people into the kingdom I'd be pretty darn excited about it! But this man is groaning because he hasn't led more to Christ! And he's irritated about the lack of passion for missions, and the silly expectancy of the church for people just to waltz right into the pews. I have to admit that I feel much the same way, but his passion far exceeds my own. I want passion like this, and some of his prayers echo my own when I dream about Serbia, and going back, and the sacrifice it means for me and my family, and how small a sacrifice that is for the glory of God. I love this! I love that I'm not the only one who feels that way, that there is someone else who has felt it. I love that my passion is going to grow and maybe one day I'll have the same zeal for the gospel that this man had and the boldness, unrestrained boldness for the cross that he displays. It's incredible! And it shouldn't be! This is how it should be, that we would cry out to God when only a few people we meet are saved in a day. I'm ashamed that I don't get frustrated about that. That's so awesome! This man is worth being discipled by, let me tell you.

There's a lot more I could say about that, but for the sake of space and allowing you to get back to work, or life in general I'm going to move on to DCC (Denver Christmas Conference). It was a really good week. It was a challenge for me because I was very unwell most of the time, but God used it to His glory as I had asked Him too. The theme of the conference this year was "Masterpiece" and becoming God's masterpiece, and realizing that we are that, and using our gifts as His masterpiece, etc. Brian Loritts did the morning sessions again this year, which I'm very glad of or else I might not have been as inclined to attend. He's a passionate man who just has a lot of life in him, and he had a lot of really good things to say, not all of which I can recall presently. It's one of those things where I've learned a lot, but I couldn't put into words exactly what I've learned, if you know what I mean.

I was blessed to be able to have a lot of time with the people I needed to meet with the most. It was good that I was so ill through out the week because I got to spend more time with the girls I'm discipling that I wouldn't have otherwise if I hadn't been lying in bed most of the time. We talked a lot about relationships, guy-girl relationships that is. No big surprise there, that's one of those important things that girls in particular have a strong care about. It was good to discuss the importance of physical purity in a relationship, and how to maintain that, and how to stop yourself if you ever lose sight of that goal. And then there was also much talk about summer missionary projects and where to go, and what happens while you're there. Please pray for Chelsea, she feels God calling her to Serbia, but her family at this point won't support her going. I've been trying to encourage her, but it's really difficult to not have the support of your family. I told her that she was being revolutionary, which is something that Brian Loritts had been talking about just that morning. That seemed to lift her spirits a little bit, but not much since being revolutionary means absolutely facing opposition, even from the ones you love.

I also had a wonderful experience with the man I'm dating. I was extremely blessed by his willingness to sacrifice time with me so I could minister to the women and be ministered to by the women who were there. He was very unselfish with our time, which I really appreciated, and despite how much time I spent with my girl-friends I got to spend just as much time with him. We even got to go dancing finally, which was hard for me because I'm extremely self-conscious, and rather timid as well, but he performed wonderfully by just leading. We got to do some ministry together for a waitress who served us at a restaurant, who could also use your prayers. We didn't find out what was wrong, but it was clear that she was very unhappy, and had been for some time, but we got to tip her well, and write her note, and then pray for her as we went back to the hotel. That was a fun experience. And then we just got to be silly together. Oo, we also got to do some awesome worship time with a bunch of other random musicians who were there. There were eleven of us all together for a while, playing guitar, a make-shift drum from the guitar case, violin, mandolin, and then we vocalists. It was great! We worshiped with random people coming and going for one or two hours at least. It was a blast! Again difficult for me because I'm very timid, singing in front of people when they're just passing by, and not paying attention is ok, but when they start gathering around is different, but God is awesome!

I got to delve into the word some too which was interesting. I got to read about Enoch, which there isn't much written about sadly, not in the canonized Bible anyway, and Jephthah who has a remarkably sad story which I don't completely understand, and will read again in the near future, and more on Abraham who is truly fascinating, and of course some from the book of John for my Bible study with Russ. It's been a very fulfilling week all around. God is moving and I expect some awesome things to happen this year and especially here in the next semester... which I still am not entirely sure how I'm going to pay for.

Mark of an Unreasonable Entity

2007-12-18T09:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was on my way into town, P-Town that is, which is Pueblo, and I had one of those moments where you start to feel just a twinge of the enormity of who God is and what He's really done for you. Those are hard moments, really good moments, but painful. I started off thinking about love, how typically when we think of love we think of romance, hearts, roses, teddy bears, starry skies, colorful sunrises and sunsets, walks on the beach, marriage, happily ever after, all of those wonderful things. We don't often think of the other side of love. The side of love that isn't calm or peaceful or even necessarily joyful in any regard. We don't think about the dangerous side of love, the gut wrentchingly passionate side.

Love is all those great things, butterflies in the stomach, emotional fireworks, and what ever else you want to fill in the blank. But love is fierce, a force to be reckoned with. I wouldn't want to tick Love off. Love dies and kills for the object of it's affection. Love levels cities, breaks people, destroys darkness in its wake, violently uproots a mountain from it's resting spot and moves it into the middle of the sea to get where it wants to go. Love is determined, unstoppable, jealous over the object of it's affection. When that object is compromised Love rises up like a giant grizzly bear and roars in the face of adversity, and if adversity will not then flee it takes action in the most turbulent fashion. It wears it away, sometimes gently, and other times with firm resolve not to stop until justice is done. Love is a flame that once lit consumes everything in its path like a wild fire in a vast forest. Love doesn't know any boundary, it doesn't understand containment, and it's not that it can't be contained, but that it won't be contained, it refuses such a senseless idea. Love is like a lion, beautiful, and majestic, but powerful, and fierce.

I like the idea that Christ was/is a warrior. There was nothing sweet or gentle about what he did on the cross, or in his life. It was an act of war, the deciding battle that ended it all. Christ loved, but his love was fierce, and intentional. It wasn't about a romantic feeling, butterflies in the stomach and all that. Sure, it was beautiful! But he came to the world with a double edged sword to rid the world of the thing that stood in the way of his love, which would be sin, and evil in general. They say that God is Love, oh that is so true! He has leveled cities, broken people, moved mountains, he has risen up against the ones who have compromised the objects of his affection and destroyed them, he has lived, died and killed for the objects of his affection, and if there is anyone who doesn't know anything about boundaries or containment it is certainly God. He did it all for love, which can admittedly be hard to fathom. How can a God that is Love kill anything? I don't think I can logically explain that myself, but I know that for me if someone threatened what I love I would do whatever I had to get rid of that threat. Killing is always a last resort, very, very last. God was never one to just kill for the pleasure of it, not the God I know anyway. But when he ran out of options he did what he had to, hence an old, bloody cross.

It was about this time in my thought process that I started thinking about myself. I make no secret of this, I'm not a nice person naturally. I'm not a good person by any stretch of the imagination. I promise you that if you see anything good in me or who I am, it is all Christ. I am nothing, absolutely nothing. I'm prideful, extremely prideful, I am angry and violent, I curse... yes, the "good" Christian girl curses, I don't like people, they tick me off, the church makes me crazy, the body of Christ irritates the living daylights out of me and there are times I just can't stand to be a part of it. I'm not nearly as sweet as I look, that's the truth. It is through Christ alone that I have been able to maintain sanity and keep from going on a killing spree, because I, without Christ, would do that. And truthfully I think that is the case for most people, Christians in particular. If we didn't have Christ we'd go mad and kill each other. On top of all that, I am nothing compared to God. Barely even a speck of dust to him.

So this is my marvel... I know me, I know what I've done. If ever there was a wretch or a fool, it's me. Paul said that he was the least of all men, he only said that because he hadn't met me. I have been so rebellious against God, I've not only put him on hold so that I could do what I wanted to, I actually turned my back on him and walked away. And that's after I became a Christian. I'm talking about something that's happened in the last two years, I've been a Christian, truly, since I was about 13. I sinned horribly, and I continue to despite my best efforts to follow God and love him, to serve him and obey him, I continue to be human. And the thing is that I know this, but God knows all this too. He watched me turn around and walk away, openly turning my back on him and flaunting my rebellion. I practically spit in his face, and he knows it. He was there, he saw the whole thing. Despite my best efforts to make God hate me, he still loves me. Despite my disrespect and irreverence of him, he's willing to take me back in his arms, even as I beat against his chest to let me go, and hold me until my heart breaks under his love again. Until my resolve melts away and the torrents of my emotions and idiocy are stilled. And then the most remarkable thing happens, he leans his head down until his lips just barely brush my ear and in the softest whisper that only I can hear he says "I still love you, and I will never let you go."

I cannot for the life of me understand this. That on the cross Christ was bleeding and God the Father was turning his back on his son, and just as it was becoming so unbearable that he was about to give the whole thing up he saw my face and the things I would do and the person I would be and decided to stick with it anyway, because some how I'm worth loving. What is it that makes me worth dieing for? When he knows me, how does he find worth in me? Regardless of the fact that he created me. This is something I don't think I'll ever understand, I don't think I'll ever be able to fathom the logic behind it. But then again, when was Love ever logical?! When was the last time that God did something that actually made sense? What he did was seriously intense. He bore my sins, my rebellions, my anger, my hate, all the worst things of who I am as a fallen human being. He took all that upon himself for the sake of his love for me, this strange, mysterious Love. What a fool he was to do it, but he was a fool for the right thing, in the right way, which some how makes him remarkably wise. Wow... God is awesome, and that's not even a good word to describe him. It's too much to think about, what he did and how/why he did it. This is the awesomeness of God that he would create us, live and die for us, when we aren't even worth saving by any reasonable standards. Hallelujah that God is not a reasonable entity.

Tasty?

2007-11-29T23:05:00.000-07:00

So I was at Carl's Jr. today and I ordered a Dr. Pepper, which I haven't had for a long time. By the time I received it I forgot what I had gotten, because I don't have a particularly good memory and I'm distracted easily, and when I took a sip I was a little surprised and then I got to thinking about how weird it is that I can taste things! Isn't that weird? How did God do that? How is it that we can taste things and recognize what they are? How did God get taste to work in the first place, and then make all these different flavors? How does flavor work? What exactly does your brain have to do for you to taste something? Isn't that weird? God is so freakin' cool! I just thought I'd share that with you, which will make this the shortest blog post I've ever written. You should take a picture of this or print it or something because it's not likely to happen again lol =D So, yeah, that's all, just wanted to share my wonder with you. Be blessed!

Praises on a Personal Note

2007-11-20T20:31:00.000-07:00

Alright, so typically I don't write about my personal life on this site because, well... it's personal lol However, what God is doing in my personal life is so incredibly excellent that I can't keep quiet about it. Please keep in mind, dear reader, that this isn't really about the man, but about the greatness of God and His amazing, unfailing love. I tell you, I am so amazed by the love of my God and the beauty of who He is and how He loves me.

To start from the beginning I've recently gotten out of a relationship, only a few months ago in fact. I was very much looking forward to spending the next two years of my life in a very single status and enjoying every moment with God. I mean just really immersing myself in ministry and following hard after God with out the distraction that comes from being romantically attached to someone. I have been very blessed in my few short months of singleness. I've gone on dates with the Lord, he's shown me around the city that I live near, we've taken a number of nice long hikes, watched more than one sunset, and danced together often. In this time I've been reconstructing what I'm looking for in a future husband and how I want to be pursued. What will I expect from a man? What will I expect in a relationship that leads to marriage? It's been interesting to explore those things and really look at what my heart truly desires, and the things that God has placed there and things He has wanted to place there.

All this has been a grand affair! And then I met someone, a godly man. I've actually known him for about a year and half now, but I've never been close to him. Suddenly I was seeing him everywhere and everyday, and then just as suddenly I discovered that I had a rather strong attraction to this man. This is where it gets interesting. So, I'm constructing in my mind what I'm looking for in a man, yes? I journal about these things and a few days later through some random conversation that has nothing what so ever to do with what is going on in my heart I discover these things in him. For instance, a couple months ago when attraction was just beginning to set in I was realizing how much I love to dance, and how important a part of who I am that is. Now, no one know this about me, until now when I have just so very publicly announced it... and I was journaling about it, and that it might become a requirement for a future husband to dance, but that it wasn't a rule yet seeing as there are so extremely few men in the world who enjoy dancing. About two days later I was sitting next to him talking about nothing in particular and out of no where find out he likes to dance and he wanted to lead a line dancing party for a Campus Crusade meeting. It took all of my self control not to just let my jaw drop to the floor right then and there. This happens frequently over the following weeks. I have something on my heart, which I tell no one about, that I want to find in a man and some how, some way the Lord arranges for it to come up in conversation or action.

That brings us up just about to present. The last few months have been like that though, and it's been very difficult for me, continuing to find out wonderful things about him that I'm desperately trying not to find out. This only further fuels my theory that God is very sneaky (if you're interested He insists that I simply don't pay enough attention or ask enough questions. This argument is ongoing between He and I). So about a week ago this man made me dinner and asked if I would allow him to lead me in a relationship. First of all, he gets big points just for the way he worded it, just throwing that out there. Secondly, this is a total God thing. My hearts desire is to follow someone. I'm so sick of leading in relationships, I've never dated a guy who wanted to, was able to, and actually did lead me. To tell the truth it has driven me crazy! Men are supposed to lead, how do I always end up in control? It's annoying! The Lord knows this, and there is a part of me that doesn't think it's even possible just because I've never experienced anything remotely close to it. I've seen it for other people, my parents for example, but I didn't believe it could happen for me necessarily. I agreed, of course, or I would not be writing this now. It's been a really good week =) Tonight I got to have dinner with him again.

In the past week my mind has been reeling, with many questions and insecurities I'm not going to post here. Oh, how well my King knows me and my heart. How well He understands the vulnerabilities of my heart. I've not spoken of any of these things with the man pursuing me, I've been waiting on him to see where he wants to go. The Lord and I are the only ones who know about my concerns. I'll tell you what has been on my heart so you can understand the enormity of what God did tonight. First is the aspect of a physical relationship, I've made mistakes I fully intend to never make again which means for me there is no kissing. Period, end of story, none. Second is the statement of love, I don't want to say it unless I know it's true and that means I won't be saying anything of a kind for a very long time no matter how tempting it may be. I wouldn't want to lie to him through ignorance or stupidity, or lie to myself for that matter, and I don't want him to make that mistake either. Third is the spiritual aspect of it all. I really want a man who can lead me spiritually and will keep God at the forefront of everything. I never, repeat never want him to place me above the Lord. I want God first in everything, every aspect, he must love God more than he loves me, or there is simply no point in bothering with the relationship. The best way I thought to do that would be some kind of a Bible study that we would do together, and I would just love that, that would be fun, I think. Please keep in mind that these are things I wasn't sure would happen. I've not been certain I could find any one who felt the same way or wanted the same things.

But God is exceptionally good. Is it not amazing that the God of universe, who has infinitely more interesting things to do with His time, takes the time to know who we are and care for all our needs? That He would pay attention to the little things as much as the big things? That He takes pleasure in our happiness? He takes joy in the desires of our hearts and in bringing those things into reality? That our dreams are not truly our own, but His? Are you not amazed by this, dear reader? Does it not strike you? At dinner the Lord again showed His faithfulness when my date spoke up with some boundaries to protect my heart and his own. (By the way, a guy who wants to protect my heart is also a really, really big deal). His first was that we shouldn't spend time alone together after 10 pm, very wise. Second he said that he would not tell me he loved me until he knew it was true, which would ultimately mean an engagement. Thirdly, no kissing until said engagement. Fourth and perhaps most interestingly, that he wanted us to do a Bible study together in order to keep God at the forefront of our relationship... How great is God that He would place a man in my life willing, capable and actively leading me? How great is God that He would provide a man with the same sentiments I have about subjects that men often feel differently about?

God is SO good! If you can take anything from my experience thus far it is that God understands the desires of your heart and if you will seek Him, and trust Him and wait on Him, He is joyfully waiting to provide those things to you. It may not be in your timing, but He is God! His love is great and His timing perfect! He hears the whispers of your heart that you reveal to no one, and He loves your dreams! Surrender them to Him and see what He does. This isn't what He does only in relationships, He does this with everything! It is who He is, He loves His children, of which you are one, and He loves to give. I know I've said this about twenty times already in this post, which is much longer than I meant for it to be, but I am SO amazed by God and His love! I would be so utterly screwed and dead with out Him. Praise His Holy Name! AMEN!

Hard Weekend

2007-11-04T12:50:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to throw it out there that loving people is an extremely, ridiculously dangerous thing. I think it's probably more safe to walk through a burning furnace, or jump off a 100' cliff with out a parachute, or some thing crazy like that than to love someone, anyone. To care about anyone in even the smallest amount. I know that sounds really pessimistic, but I don't really mean it that way. It's so dangerous, and often painful to love people, but it's also one of the most rewarding and incredible experiences we can possibly experience on this earth.

I've been reading about the life of King David with the woman I'm discipling, and recently we read about David and Johnathan and their friendship. They had the most intense friendship ever, I don't think that two friends could ever love each other more than those did. Johnathan sacrificed everything for David, and when he died David was absolutely destroyed over it. But their bond was so incredibly tight! I don't think that either one of them would have traded that bond to avoid the pain that it brought when David had to leave, or when Johnathan died. What is it about love that is so spectacular? What is it about love that makes the pain of loss bearable?

In Serbia I met, and got to know three of the most amazing women I think that I'll ever meet. All three of them are entirely different from me, and they are people I never would have expected to fall in love with in a such a deep way as friends. One is a Serbian, Teodora, another is from New Jersey, Debbie, and the last (and closest to me in distance) is from Boulder, that would be Michelle. We had our reunion weekend last weekend, and Debbie came all the way out here for it, and Michelle was there, the whole team with the exception of one guy made it to the reunion weekend. Teodora wasn't there because she's in Serbia with the Stint team, but my other two were there. It was an amazing weekend! It was a really, really difficult weekend. It was so hard to say good-bye to the summer, and to say good-bye to Debbie in particular because I don't know when I'll be seeing her again.

What made it harder was that I got to minister to these women during the weekend, which essentially means there was a lot of crying and praying and hugging and generally holding each other. It was beautiful, but it was really hard to see my sisters hurting in the ways they were hurting. One doesn't have any solid Christian friends around her that can build her up, and she doubts her faith. The other is still angry over events that transpired over the trip, and can't understand why the leadership won't continue talking about it with her. Another one of my sisters that was there had just broken up with her boyfriend, who happened to be on the team as well. A lot happened, which is a huge understatement. So we talked and we cried together and held each other, we made each other laugh when it was over.

And then we said good-bye... That hurt a lot. I love these women, they are incredible women and I wish every one I knew could know them, because they are beautiful and vibrant women of God. They are radiant, and loving. And now they're gone. I don't know when I'll see Debbie again, I miss her a lot, in general. It's been hard not having her around to be her usual crazy self. I miss talking to her, and having lunch with her, and shopping with her (which is an adventure since she's from Jersey, this girl can shop!). I miss hearing about what is going on in her life and helping her sort through it all. Michelle I know I'll see again in about a week, I'll be staying at her house for a couple nights, which will be really nice. I haven't gotten to be in touch with her much, which is unfortunate, but we all have our busy schedules. So I'm really looking forward to spending some extra time with her soon, but it was still hard to let her go. She is really touch oriented like I am, so when we see each other we cuddle. She's pretty much the only woman I do that with, it's just who she is and who I am and God has blessed us with the kind of relationship that allows for that.

And then Teodora... my beautiful Teodora. *sigh* I haven't seen her, except in pictures the Stint team has taken. I miss my Teodora probably most of all. She is by far one of the most incredible women I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. For sure, I wish you could meet her and see her heart like I do. I can't think of a woman I know who is more lovely than she is, it's just what God is doing in her life and how she's responding to it. She's been a joy for me to know.

Anyway, it hurts to love people. It hurts to have to say good-bye to them, as we all have to at one time or another. It sucks. On the ride back home Aaron said to me: "That's why Heaven is such a great idea... no more good-byes."

Two in Row!

2007-10-22T13:45:00.000-06:00

This past week was just as climactic as the last, I'm happy to report. Much of that is due to the retreat I attended this past weekend, Rocky Mountain Get Away (RMGA). The whole week was pretty cool though, all around. Tuesday I found out that one of the Serbian women I tutored at the English Camps surrendered her life to Christ. I was so happy I just started crying, it was the sweetest part of my week over all. She happens to have been my favorite student too. That's Teodora, from Novi Sad. She's a brilliant young woman, with bright and powerful ideas and questions. She's passionate and loving. I just absolutely adore my Teodora, she's amazing to me, and inspiring.

Thursday, I took a big step for me and sang with the worship team for our Crusade meeting. I had to use a mic... I really don't like those things. I probably wouldn't have done it except that the Lord keeps pressing me about being involved with worship, which is what I want, but I want to be doing it for all the right reasons and not get in the way of worship. I think it can be really difficult for musicians to separate themselves from what they're doing and really worship during that time. Worship is one of my favorite things ever, and I don't want to lose my passion in worship for anything, be that pride, or timidity, or performance, or what ever. So I did it because the Lord keeps telling me to, and I think I'll continue doing it if Russell wants me to. He told me to "eat the mic", which was difficult. LOL I'm a singer/musician/performance major who doesn't like to be heard! How is that for a paradox?! Worship was good though, all in all.

Friday we left for RMGA! It was a really good weekend. There were about twelve of us total from CSU-P that went to it, there were a few hundred though from other schools around the state. RMGA is a retreat for all the Campus Crusade ministries in Colorado alone. Pretty soon we have The Denver Christmas Conference (DCC) which includes all the ministries in the great plains region (Nebraska, Oklahoma, Arizona, Colorado, part of New Mexico, and one or two other states I can't think of presently). DCC usually has couple thousand people attending, but it's a major blast. Anyway! We got there, (Estes Park YMCA) just in time for the first session. I'm going to be completely honest, worship was my favorite part of the whole weekend. If we hadn't done anything else the whole time I would have been quite content. Our speaker took the weekend, (four main sessions), to talk about relationships with God and as a community of believers. He illustrated God as a Father, and did a really nice job of it. He was a really funny guy, and there was much laughter as he told us stories about his experiences with his own family and his relationship with God as a Father.

Friday night after the main session we decided to get something to eat because we hadn't had dinner and were starving. It was after eleven though and everything was closed, except for Dominoes! The running joke through out the trip was about how Estes Park was completely shut down after 11pm and how little sense that made to us. Everything is closed! Even gas stations! It's amazing, but then it Estes Park, not exactly a raging college town. When we got back Russell broke out his guitar and we spent an hour and half or so just in pure, unplugged, whole hearted, fly by the seat of your pants worship. We didn't have a set or anything, we just picked out songs at random and spent time praising God. It was fabulous. I can't think of a better way to stay up until two in the morning =) After we finished worship I got to spend some quality time pouring out my heart to a few of my Sisters in Christ (SiCs... wow, I'm giving a lot acronyms, good luck remembering them ;)), which I was in desperate need of doing. This was a really good weekend, but difficult too, for reasons I'm not going to post about publicly, sorry ;) It was really nice to share with my sisters about what has been going on in my life and get their prayer support.

Saturday was another great day. We had some devotional time and awesome worship, a main session and then three hours of free time to play games and enjoy the mountains. I personally went back to my room and crashed for a long time because I had only gotten two and half hours of sleep the night before. By the end of the night Saturday I was shaking with exhaustion. Tip: don't get so exhausted you start to shake, it's just not as cool as it seems. We had some time to chill with our campuses and talk about what God had been doing through the weekend and then there was a two hour worship concert. I was really excited about the worship, of course, and the band was decently good. The only problem was that they played all these songs that I didn't know! I'm willing to learn, but out of maybe 10-15 songs I only knew three, and that seemed to be the same for most people who attended. So that was kind of a bummer and then Amy, Russell, Jenna, Josh and I all went back to our dorm and broke out the guitar again! So we had our own private worship night too =) Which was cool. By the time we left the main hall to go back to the dorms it was snowing quite a bit, which brought huge cheers from the crowd.

Sunday we finished up, packed our things and headed home. It snowed off and on through out our trip, but it was really pretty. We even stopped at Chipotle on our way back, which was a special treat since Pueblo is apparently not cool enough to have Chipotle or even Qdoba. I got some extra sleep in on the trip home, which was pleasant. And that's what happened at RMGA. It was really, really good time of praising God and singing out, and moving to the rhythm of the music. I LOVE worship, it's just about the best things ever. Just throwin' that out there.

Today has been a little bit more rough. The store is in another slow point and we are praying for God to bring in the money we need, I would appreciate your prayers as well, who ever may read this. I had a test today, I don't know how I did on it, I'm not entirely sure I care either. There was a bomb threat at the school, which for the time being hasn't turned into anything. The police came and checked each building over four times, and didn't find anything amiss, I don't think that most of the students even know about it. I only know because I have a friend working the in ELC who heard about it from his boss. And finally, Russell is now sick. He sounds like he's got the flu. So the school and brother Russ could use your prayers as well. And that's it for this week, stay tuned for more =)

A Climactic Week

2007-10-13T22:54:00.000-06:00

Hey! So I wrote earlier that I was anticipating some awesome things to happen this week, and sure enough they did! This has been a really great week all-in-all. On Wednesday I found out that I'm passing my Aural Skills class with an 86%! That's amazing! I've just been trying to pass with a C, because it's a really difficult class for me and I don't have a natural ear, and I have a B!!! That's a hallelujah, praise the Lord thing! And then Thursday I was feeling a touch down from my oddly excited-ness, but God came through again.

I've been looking for passionate people to be on the prayer team and although I've found some great pray-ers and our meetings have been I just haven't found anyone who is really passionate about prayer and interceding for our campus. On Thursday we had a leadership meeting and Aaron said he might know of someone who could be good for the prayer team and I told him to bring the guy in. So that night before JiB started I met Adam and he prayed with us before things got rolling and it was just incredibly awesome! Talk about God's provision! He was calling down barriers and walls that were keeping God from moving and prophesying and the whole bit! It was so refreshing and exciting, and it got me all worked up too. And that night, our meeting was amazing. Worship was wonderful and powerful, and Russell gave a short talk about love, which has been our theme this semester so far, and said exactly what he needed to say. After he was finished the prayer team and leadership team was around and available to minister to and pray with anyone who wanted to, and I got to minister to Courtney and pray with her. It was great! I want every week to be like that, only progressively more powerful all the time! Amen!

Friday was an equally good day. I had fewer classes and a lesser work load which was nice. I had an extra voice lesson and I finally managed to break out a little bit and sang in my lesson with the same intensity that I sing with when I'm home by myself and no one can hear it. It was pretty good, and I think my teacher was happy with it too. And I got my transcriptions for Aural Skills almost completely finished (I have to finish them tomorrow, it could be a disaster, but I'm hoping not). Then, the really great news, my dear friend Anna called me to tell me that Philip had proposed and now she's engaged!!! I am so excited for them, God has truly brought them together and blessed them in awesome ways. I look forward to see what God does in their life together.

Today was pretty darn good too. I spent most of the day with my sister and nephews. There was a "Family Fun Day" at the university, so we went and did the hay ride, face painting, food, and balloon animals. It was great fun. I love my nephews. Aiden is a lot of fun to play with, although I really can't keep up. He's constantly running, which for me means that I have to walk really fast, but he doesn't stop! So I get tired after a while and he comes and grabs my hands and pulls me saying "Come on Auntie K, come on!" and so I have to go some more. After that I ran into a guy that I share three of my classes with, Kurt (although it might be Curt, but for now we'll stick with Kurt).

He's kind of a funny guy, extremely intelligent, he's just breezing through his classes right now. Anyway, I ran into him at Barnes and Noble and invited him to go to Ginosko with me, which is just a social gathering of Christians to hang out and play games and the like. He said he didn't have a car so I offered him a ride and he actually agreed! Cool, huh? So I picked him up again on my way to the shindig and we were talking about school and plans for graduation, which for me lead into Serbia and he was asking me about what kind of missionary work we were doing there. I explained about reaching the college students and talking with them about God. Turns out he's not a Christian, which I kind of figured. It's been my experience thus far that extremely intelligent people usually go with philosophy and science over faith, for a while at least. God always breaks through. So he hung out with all of us playing games and eating food. It was a good deal, I think I would like to talk to him some more and get to know him better. I think God wants to do something with him that he's not expecting. That's often how things work out though, God doing things we don't expect him to. I see him often enough, so it shouldn't be hard to find out what exactly he does believe in, he's the philosophy type and a deep thinker, which will make it interesting. I think I'll try and hook him up with Aaron, because he can be like that too. I did invite him to JiB, but he has class at 9 pm on Thursday, but I told him he should come and hang for a just a little while at least and he said he would consider it.

God might be doing something pretty cool there, we'll just have to see. I think this week has been a great week for discovering the greatness of God and how amazing he is. On my way home tonight I was thinking about Kurt and then about Christ and the more I think about Him the more I smile. I just love Him so much, and He is so beautiful and amazing. I am amazed by the beauty of Christ. I would really love to Kurt to understand that, but it's something you have to experience. If you don't experience Christ you can't know His beauty. If don't experience Him, He's just a guy who died on a cross a really long time ago and there's nothing exciting there. But if you experience Christ... wow, a whole new world of possibilities and adventure opens up. Kurt would really enjoy Christ if he knew Him. He would appreciate the complexities of who Christ is and what He did on the cross and in life. Kurt would understand the musical quality of the Lord... that probably doesn't make sense, but there is a musical quality to His beauty... maybe it's something only musicians really get some concept of, maybe not. I can't explain it. Anyway, Kurt would get that. So, we should pray for Kurt, he's a good guy, worth loving.

That's the excitement for this week, tune in next time for more enthralling exploits in Pueblo. Until next time, be abundantly blessed!

Anticipation

2007-10-08T16:21:00.000-06:00

Good afternoon avid readers! I have some exciting news and some things that I need your help with via prayer. The bad news is that when I last wrote I was intending to meet with a couple women to talk about the gospel and CCC (Campus Crusade for Christ), and I didn't get to meet with either of them. Somehow these meeting just aren't working out. I've rescheduled so many now that I don't know what to do and I've rather given up on them for the time being. Truth is that I highly suspect that all the women I was going to meet were already believers anyway, so I'm not really concerned.

So now the bad news is out of the way I can get into the exciting news! I am pleased to inform you that we have seen one student on CSU-P come to Christ!!! YAY GOD!!! I'm very excited about it. One of the girls I am discipling e-mailed me last night to tell me that one of the freshmen girls we've been loving on finally surrendered her life to Christ. That's the best news I've gotten since my return from Serbia! I'm still praying for 49 more to find there way to the arms of our Love by December.

In other news... well I'm just really happy. I have a good feeling about this week, it's going to be stellar and I just feel very expectant to see what God is going to be doing. I don't know if he'll be doing it here or in Serbia. The Stint team in Serbia is handing out Vox magazines to gain contacts and reach out to students on their faculties over the next two weeks. Last year they distributed 1300 magazines and got around 900 contacts from people willing to talk about God. That's amazing! Lets be praying for a rich harvest at our brothers and sisters invest in God's work over the next two weeks! Then again, maybe something incredible will happen this week *shrug* I did ace a test that I didn't study for, that could be a good sign!

Continued other news, I do need your prayer support about a few things. Typically I wouldn't use this to distribute prayer requests, but I really need it. I'm not sure where to start though... hmm... Ok, I'll start with a friend of mine who goes to UNC. I'm a little concerned about him, and I feel like I may need to just go up there and have coffee with him or something. I think he is a believer, but I don't think he has much fellowship with other strong Christians and I think I may need to go up and see him, build him a bit and such. The question is when, so please pray that the Lord would direct me in that and give me wisdom. Next, I think I may start helping out with worship for the potential youth group at my church, or maybe see if I can get a girls Bible study going for the High Schoolers. Time is also the problem there. I would love to be involved with the youth ministry, but with school and CCC I don't know if I'll have time to do that. So pray that the Lord will give me very, very clear direction about that as well because I don't want to get committed to something I can't rationally do.

Then there is my general health. My health gets it's very own paragraph, which is kinda sad. Good grief I'm tired of feeling crummy and generally unable to accomplish anything worth doing. Last time I wrote I had some stomach thing, well that's gone, but now my heart and other organs in the general chest region are all acting up again. I'm having really bad heart flutters and having a really hard time breathing some times. It comes and goes, accompanied often by pain. It gets worse when I sing, which is darned inconvenient considering that I'm majoring in vocal performance. I just can't get the air support I need to hit the notes I have to hit and it aggravates my chest even more. So be praying that I would be relaxed and at peace so that everything would settle down and I would have to deal with this any more. (Praise!) My Mom just got a new job and we'll have insurance fairly soon and when we do I can go to the doctor and find out what exactly is wrong with me, if anything, but I don't think this is normal. Pray that I won't be distracted and therefore stressed out. I do have a distraction to deal with, which I'm not going to elaborate on in such a public fashion.

Anyway, tonight is prayer, which is exciting all by itself! Whoo-hoo for prayer! I am so ready to see the campus changed, and I think Jesus is too, so this gonna be a good week =) Thanks for reading up on life and praying with me about what God is doing here and over in my new favorite place, Serbia!

Ill at 2 am

2007-09-26T01:59:00.000-06:00

Good morning!!! It's currently 2 o'clock in the morning in beautiful Colorado which means it's about... 10 a.m. in Serbia where my friends on the Stint team are, who are with my Serbian friends to boot. So, I wish I was in Serbia right now because that would mean I'd had a good night's rest, and morning's rest for that matter. Not so, not so. Bummer.

So I'm feeling supremely ill. My stomach hurts awfully and I'm freezing cold. No fever, and thankfully, at the moment, no more headache. So since I'm feeling dreadful and can't sleep, and I have things to share, I figured I would share them. Where should I start? My last post was somewhat scathing, and this might be reminiscent in some respects. Well I'll start with Monday night prayer from this week, which would be day before yesterday, and work my way around.

Monday night prayer, it has the greatest potential of the whole week. The thing about potential though is that it can either be realized or not, but at least you have a 50/50 chance. Monday was somewhere in between. Praying is one of my favorite things. There is something uniquely sweet about asking the Father for what you need and desire, about interceding for the lost and oppressed, placing all your concerns before the Father and saying "Here you go, what are you going to do with that? I got nothin'." There is something uniquely sweeter about joining with other steadfast believers and praying with them. However, the people (in general, not all of them) who are coming aren't getting it, as far as I can tell.

Hmmm... perhaps I should start with what I'm looking for in prayer meetings. I'll do that. What I want for the prayer ministry of CSU-Pueblo is that it would be dynamic. That it would be an exciting and intense time of communion with the King. That our hearts would break for the lost, and for out brothers and sisters in Christ as the struggle too. That we, as a team, would rise up and make something of our prayers. That we wouldn't just meet once a week and pray what we know we should pray, and then convince ourselves that we mean it. I want passion in prayer meeting, wild abandon in prayer. Is that a lot to ask?

Maybe it is with the way things are going. The majority of the people I'm praying with aren't praying! Well, they are, but they aren't voicing their prayers, they're keeping them locked away in their minds where their words have little to no power. This week I talked about the power of words. It seemed the right topic since I've heard a lot about the power of words lately, just in talking with other people. So we talked about it briefly, because I don't want to take up prayer time with too much talking or teaching. Perhaps I didn't do it well though, I don't know. There were five of us there, including myself. One of the guys and I did essentially all the praying. I was so disappointed, and irritated. One of the girls prayed twice, briefly, which I'm very proud of her for. At this point it's hard for her to pray out loud for more than a minute and I'm working with her so that she might become more comfortable and better equipped to pray. It was exciting to have her pray a couple times =) The other girl that was there, prayed once at the beginning and didn't say anything after that, which was disappointing because I know she can pray. And then the last guy didn't breathe a word, which I can't say anything about where he's at because he's a freshman and I don't know him well enough to tell.

I was really irritated. I mean, the prayer wasn't bad, but it was so quiet and rather subdued. So I stopped us and went on for about ten or fifteen minutes about why we were there. I asked them why they were there. I mean, they came to prayer for a reason, they were called for a reason, what was that reason? There were things they wanted, and needed, that they weren't asking for. We had gone around for prayer requests before we started, but there was more there. I knew it. We had only been praying for a half hour when prayers dried up and we were reduced to silence... Unacceptable. We have so much to ask for and so much to praise God for that we could pray for at least an hour with out stopping for a second, so why can't we do that? How hard is it, really, to pray for an hour or two? It's not! If you can set aside two hours to pray in a day, and determine that nothing will distract you or keep you from praying, it's easy! Seriously, it's not difficult when you're in the presence of the King to sit before him and talk with him. But we weren't doing that.

So I asked them what it was that they wanted. What was their deepest desire? The thing they wanted more than anything else? One said passion, one said they wanted more than what the world around them was offering, another said to follow Christ where ever he leads. Awesome things to desire!!! People who want to chase after God! Who want more than they have! Good grief, those are some awesome things to desire. And they all echo what I want, myself. We had gone through prayer requests at the beginning, but none of that came up. No one asked for prayer about the thing they were desiring most in the world. Why? Why didn't we ask for prayer about those things? Such vital things! Things worthy, absolutely worthy of prayer. After I had received their answers to the question I asked them if they expected God to do something if they asked for what they wanted. About sixty seconds of silence greeted me. Calling on them one by one I finally got an answer. Three said yes, and the last was somewhere in between. She believed that God would answer on the logical level, but on the much harder to tame emotional level sometimes she believed and sometimes she didn't. I think it boils down to that there are some things she has asked for that she either hasn't or can't see the effect of her prayers on. She hasn't seen the miracle so it's hard to expect God to do it. I could be mistaken, but I think that's accurate. I thought that was fair enough, honest.

All that out in the open, I decided it was time to do something different. I've wanted to start this in prayer anyway, but it can be intimidating when you aren't used to it. It's pentecostal praying really, the Koreans are masters at it. When Koreans come together and pray they aren't taking turns asking for things and agreeing with one another in prayer, they are all asking in loud voices at the same for the things God has placed on their hearts. It's amazing and powerful. It's a sweet, sweet sound if you pause a moment just to listen to it. At that time I explained what I wanted to do, that I wanted us to all pray at the same time, asking God for that thing that we wanted the most, and we were going to do this for five minutes. Just five minutes. I knew it would be difficult, especially for the guy who had said nothing so far, and for the girl that I'm equipping for prayer, but it would be worth it if they would follow me there.

For five minutes we all prayed together. The two I mentioned previously as probably having a hard time with this whispered quietly, but they were speaking! Five minutes went by quickly, really quickly. We could have easily gone for ten or twenty or the whole hour that way. But I stopped us, true to my word that I would, at five minutes. So for five small minutes prayer was really cool, if such a small word can define prayer. Next week we may do it again for longer, we'll see where the Lord takes us, but that was start. A small start, but a good start.

See you at the pole is this morning. We going from 7am-3pm at our campus. Students signed up for slots of prayer time. I'm supposed to be there at 8 this morning and again at 1 in the afternoon, but I don't think I'll make it with how I'm feeling. That makes me sad. I want to be there with my friends to pray for the campus, the city, the state and the nation. But taking care of me might not be such a bad idea either. I have to go to class, my classes are such that I can't miss any of them with out falling sharply behind. As soon as my classes are finished though, I think I'll be coming home directly. I'm praying for someone to be saved at SYATP this morning, I hope someone will get to read this before the day is out to pray for that someone to be saved too. I want God to do more on campus than what has been happening.

Speaking of that and people being saved... tomorrow at 4pm I get to have a meeting with a girl named Katherine from the Springs. She filled our a 30-Second Questionnaire that we handed out the first week of school about her religious beliefs and whether or not she might be interested in knowing how to have a relationship with God or more information about Campus Crusade for Christ. She marked "yes" on both of those things. So on Thursday I get to meet with her to talk to her about the gospel and Crusade! I'm excited and terrified about it =) There's a part of me that can't wait and another part that's like "Oh dear, Lord, I don't know if I can this"... well I'll have to get used to it if I plan on Stinting in Serbia next year. Really, I'm more excited than scared, but I don't know what I'll say to her. That could be a good thing. When you have nothing planned to say it often leaved more room for God to speak for you, and that sounds good to me. AND I'm meeting with another girl named Athena on Monday at 3pm. She's actually here in Pueblo. I'm not sure if she'll show or not, I'll probably call her a day or two before I confirm our meeting. Isn't that exciting though? I have two appointments to meet with people to talk about Christ! How cool is that?

Ok, well it is now ten minutes to three, which means that this post is entirely too long, but there you have it. If you have made it this far in one sitting, I commend you! Well done! You are a very committed person, and I appreciate your commitment to reading my ramblings, rock on! Until next time (which could be Thursday after my meeting), be blessed!

Revival Hymn

2007-09-06T12:08:00.001-06:00

My Team watched this video in Serbia, it's 35 minutes long but well worth the time. It's sort of a wake up call. I just watched it again today and marveled at the complacency of the church. Where is our passion? Why isn't worship more powerful? Why isn't prayer more enthralling? Why isn't speaking the name of Christ the most important thing to us? Why don't we have an INTIMATE relationship with God? I want to have passion, to be enthralled, to have intimacy, and for Christ to be the most important thing to me simply because I truly deeply love him. There are a precious few churches that get this. Why is that? I really want to know. Why is it that Christians today are so satisfied to have a mediocre relationship and not expect God to work miracles?

Can you imagine the impact the Christian community could have if we asked God for more than what we've got? Can you imagine the bigger impact we would have if we not only asked for it, but believed and fully expected God to give it? What if we did ask God to move a mountain and believed he would do it? Expected him to do it? Don't you think he would? I believe one person of sound faith can move a city to Christ through prayer. So what if a Church congregation would take up sound faith and pray for a city, or state, or college, or nation? Would it be moved to Christ? But we are not passionate people.

I'm not going to lie, I hate going to church. I'm sick and tired of going to church. It's not because I think people shouldn't go to church, or I have a problem with sitting still for one or two hours, it's not because I don't like to talk to people. It's because 90% of the churches I have been to are passionless. The people come and "worship"... they sing anyway. The come and "pray"... they at least bow their heads. They come and "fellowship"... well they put on a mask and say that their doing good. COME ON PEOPLE!!! Why is worship dead and Spiritless? Why don't people pray in power? Why don't they speak the truth to each other and help one another through their difficulties and celebrate through their joys? Where is our passion? Now, I understand what I have said if very broad and general, so please do not be offended. There are churches with passion, there are people in passionless churches who have passion. But I find those churches are few and far between, and those people can be as well. All I'm really saying is that I'm not satisfied. I'm disappointed even.

I am not satisfied with a mediocre worship service. I'm not satisfied with powerless, faithless prayer. I'm not satisfied with just sitting in a chair and listening to someone talk to me about the topic of the week. I want more. I want so much more than this thing called church. I want to thrive. I want to go to a thriving church, a living, breathing body of Christ. I want to join in prayer with other believers who believe prayer works and that asking God for more than the mundane is an awesome way to pray. I to praise with people who get excited about praising God. Who stand because they want to, who sing with fire in their hearts, who lift their hands in a genuine effort to praise the Almighty God, and who dance because they simply can't contain the spirit of praise within them. I want to pray for the people around me when they tell me that their lives are on the downside. I want to support them and serve them whole heartedly out of love for my Maker. I want church to be a love affair between Christ and his Bride.

That's a good way to put it, and it's true. I want church to be a love affair between Christ and his Bride. That's the passion I'm looking for in a church. A church that is in the midst of a real, touchable love affair with Christ. We are the Bride, are we not? Then where is our pursuit of our bridegroom? Where is that longing? You see it in some people, in some churches, but it is hard to find. When we think about it we realize, "Oh yeah, that's what I want. I'd forgotten about that part." We get so caught up in life, in going to work and school, doing home work, house work, taking care of our families and children, our friends. And then we go to church and we do more work, we have play with the other musicians on the worship team, we have to fill an hour of prayer with the prayer team and do a ten minute skit during offering. We have to teach the kids in Sunday school, get ready for the yearly bake sale. We have to maintain relationships with people. And in the midst of all that service for the church we have a terrible tendency to lose sight of the most precious thing... our longing, our love affair. We do all the right things, and yet miss the mark and find after a short while that we have lost all our passion. It's at that point, when church becomes work, that we get burnt out and stop expecting God to do miracles. We stop expecting to be passionate for his kingdom. We halt our involvement and start going to church, sitting in pews, listening to sermons, lifting our hands during worship because we know we're supposed to. We're passionless. We've lost our Spirit filled spark and we stop trying to get it back.

As I heave a sigh of sadness over such a loss, I wonder what to do about it. Why are we content to live passionless lives? Truly, a life with out passion is not worth living. What does it take to become passionate again? How to we receive Christ's passion? We can all agree he was a passionate man, I think even people who don't believe in him as a savior can agree with that. So how do we do that? There is a list of things we've all heard and tried before: pray more, read more, praise more, go to church more, stop listening to secular music, stop watching rated R movies, stop going to dance clubs... etc. Quantity, I guarantee you, will not help you get the passion of Christ. Gosh, we always think more is better, no matter what the occasion more is always better! That's bogus. All that "more" stuff might help for a bit, but in the end you'll find you're more drained than you were when you started. It's not quantity, it's quality.

Rather than praying more, try praying, really praying. I mean asking God to give you faith and passion for him. Pray for a few minutes or an hour, but really pray. Seek God's intimacy in your prayers. Leave out all the things you ought to say in a prayer and actually talk to God. Tell him you're sick of being passionless and your tired. He already knows how you feel, so why not just say it for crying out loud! God can take it, he's a big guy. Rather than reading more of your Bible, try reading, just reading it. By this I mean take a chapter out of a book while you're praying and seek an intimacy in reading it. "What do you mean by that?" you might ask. I mean stop reading like you're reading by yourself. Pretend for a moment that God is reading it with you, right there beside you as you turn the page, and ask him questions. "Lord, why did you have Joshua and the Israelites circle Jericho seven times? Cause that just doesn't make sense to me." and then see how he responds when you give him a minute to answer.

Maybe all that isn't helpful. All I know is that the key to a passionate life is intimacy with Christ. I know there are lots of people out there who are passionate and know nothing about Christ... well, that doesn't make sense to me. I can't imagine trying to be passionate with out Christ, he's the only thing worth being passionate about. Anyway, that's my rant, sorry if it was boring, this does happen from time to time when I get fed up with not seeing fire in the eyes of my brothers and sisters in Christ. I've been blessed with friends who are fiery, but my own congregation, though richly blessed by the Lord, seems to me to be richly lacking in that passion and it breaks my heart. I hate that the Body of Christ is not more passionate about him or reaching others for his sake. Anyway, done preaching.

Pimp my Beard

2007-08-26T12:52:00.001-06:00

These are my bearded bretheren, aka the "Bearded BiC's" (BiC= Brother in Christ). Russell grew out his beard for a Christmas play thing at his church and after it was over he wanted to do something a little crazy with it. So the bearded BiCs helped him out and this is the video.

On to Montenegro

2007-08-15T16:00:00.000-06:00

Honestly... I forgot about this for a while. Oh dear. Well, here goes =) We took the train from Novi Sad to Sutomore, Montenegro to begin our four wonderful days of rest and recovery. We did some hiking, climbing, swimming, cliff jumping and general exploring. It was awesome! There were several coves around Sutomore, we spent most of our cove time in what is lovingly termed "First Cove", yeah we were real creative with names. That's where we explored cliff jumping and while we were there did lots of climbing around on rocks, big rocks. It was loads of fun. I loved climbing around on stuff. And yes, despite my horrible fear of heights, I did jump off the cliff and into the water. It was only twelve feet or so, but that's a lot higher than I would jump from anywhere else, so it was still a big step. Or a leap (hahaha). We even watched a few movies on the power point projector in our hotel rooms. That was fun. Eighteen people packed into a small room with out air conditioning. By this time we were a family though, so it was OK.

Finally we got to the day of Orientation for Speak UP! Camps. The day before Jay Cline had come (he was our regional director for Southern Colorado and director of the camps) and he had talked to us about vision for Camps, what to expect, how we would orchestrate events etc. And then he talked to us about calling. It was awesome. He talked to us about what a "calling" looks like when God places it on our hearts. Sometimes it several events coming together to form a vision, sometimes it's a burning bush, sometimes it's being sent some where you don't want to be, and sometimes it's a literal calling. It was very inspiring especially when considering that only a couple days before God has literally called me to return to Serbia on Stint. It was a good time and we finally got a feel for what would be happening in the camps, which we really hadn't before.

Orientation was great. I was assigned three of the most beautiful students a tutor could ever hope for. I had the honor of tutoring Anna, Tamara, and Teodora. Three bright and interested women. Tamara was the oldest, which I never would have guessed by looking at her. I was shocked to learn that she was studying for her PhD in Chemistry and trying to find a cure for cancer. She teaches at the faculties, which is how she got the 411 on the English camps. All of them though used beautiful English. It was great, it made things easy on me for sure. Teodora and Ana were both studying English to become either translators or interpreters. Seriously, I think the English students in Serbia know more words and better grammar than most Americans in general. I felt very inadequate to be tutoring them.

Our first day we had our Speak Up! Groups and answered get-to-know-you kinds of questions and then we split off into our tutor groups and had our discussion on the topic of the day. The first day we talked about a relationship with God and asked questions such as: what are your religious beliefs? What do you find attractive about Christianity? What do you not find attractive about Christianity? Do you think God is a person or a thing? Do you believe in Hell? Etc. It was a hard topic to start with, but I'm so thankful we started with it! It set the stage for the rest of the week and got them considering God, which made talking about the gospel much more simple. We didn't have to worry about trying to bring up the gospel during the week, or sharing our testimonies, it all kind of happened that first day, and if it didn't happen the first day it did by at least Wednesday. We got to see where our students were at and how the felt about God and whether or not they really believe in Christ or they just go to church some times. It was really interesting. At the end of the day we went to the beach, which happened pretty much every day. The beach is the place to be.

The second day was really awesome because I got to spend it with Teodora. We went to the fourth cove beach, which actually has a name: Zagradje (good luck pronouncing it: Zah-grahj-eh). On the way there she asked the greatest questions, and it was quite a walk to get there so we had time. She asked me questions like: How did you come into your faith? Do you believe because your parents believe, or do you really believe? That kind of thing. It was great! I loved the questions she was asking me, it was fabulous. So we got there and I swam a bit and at some point as I was swimming I was attacked by a sea urchin. Beware of the sea urchin, it is entirely evil and unpleasant, stay away from them. It took some time and digging to get the spines out of my feet. I actually did like Zagradje's beach more than the rest. The beaches in Sutomore and pebble beaches, even the "sandy" beach is really pebbles. This other beach though was rocks, but they were flat rocks, much, much easier and less painful to walk on.

While at that beach Teodora and Bojana (Boi-ah-nah) came and sat in the waves with me and we started talking about boyfriends and relationships and then out of no where we started talking about sex, specifically pre-marital sex. That was a conversation I never expected to have at all. Bojana seemed rather baffled at the thought of no sex before marriage. I don't know if it was the first time she had heard of it, but it was probably the first time she had heard about it from someone who doesn't do it because of religious reasons. It was difficult for me to explain how I think that it's very much connected to my spirituality and that I want to honor God with my body and not just have pleasure. It was very interesting. Before she left, Bojana was telling me that pre-marital sex is a good thing because you know if you are physically compatible with the person you're with before you make that kind of life time commitment. Honestly, if I were not a Christian, I would probably agree with her, which made me a little sad because I knew then that it was something I couldn't really explain to her at all. She had to experience God before she could understand about that.

The third day we went to Boudva. It's a two hour boat ride to Boudva, which is a beautiful place. I wish we could have stayed there longer. It's and old, old city with narrow little walk ways, like what you might expect to find in Venice. It did feel a bit like we were in Italy actually. On our way leaving I finally got to connect with Ana, which was something I had been praying for. God really answered my prayers in a big way. I found out that Ana really does believe in Christ, her relationship with him isn't really deep, but she does believe in him completely, with out any doubt in her mind. So I asked her since she does believe so strongly, why doesn't she share that faith with the people around her? She said that she had tried to talk about God with some people before, but they didn't react well to it. So she got the idea that she wasn't good at it, or they don't care or something like that, and gave up trying. It was very interesting. I challenged her seek God out in a deeper relationship with him and to continue trying to share her faith. It was great! I loved it!

Thursday... I honestly don't remember very well. We talked about relationships with others, dating and friendship relationships. That was fun discussion. We talked about all the ways we relate to other people and shared funny stories about first dates and that sort of thing. The rest of the day though, wasn't too unusual, more beach time.

Friday was their last day. It was a really sad day. Did the faith walk where we paired up and one of us was blindfolded while the other lead by voice. We had to give the blindfolded person directions in English step by step from the hotel to the beach and then trade places. It was really fun. Then we split up into our tutor groups and talked about trust and faith and what is hard about those things and what it easy. Then the tutors met with each of their students individually to close things up. I bought each of my girls a bracelet in a color that I thought represented in some way where they were at and where they were heading. It was fun =) I met with all three of them and told them about the awesome things that I saw in their potential and challenged each of them to seek God out. Teodora in particular I did that with. I see so much of God's love for her and his desire to have her whole heart. She is so beautiful and out spoken about her ideas. She would love the Lord, and she would lead others to love Him too. I'm excited for her because I see her getting closer to that decision to surrender her life to Christ. That's all that's left for her to do really, just surrender. She knows who Christ is and what he's done and believes steadfastly in him, but she hasn't surrendered yet. She's almost there. Pray that the Lord would continue to draw her in to himself.

Then the students left on Saturday. It was a very very sad day. Lots of good-byes, which I avoided where possible. I said good-bye to Teodora and the other Ana, not my Ana, but there was another one. Teodora cried, and felt ridiculously foolish for doing so. I don't know what she hated it so much, she had good reason to I think. It was a wonderful week that was ending. She gave me a lovely necklace in a wicker box that had a piece of rice in it with my name written on it. I'm wearing it now actually.

And then the next group came for orientation...

If You Need a Laugh

2007-08-06T17:15:00.001-06:00

I just had to post this because it made my day. rhettandlink.com

Week 2

2007-08-01T18:45:00.000-06:00

So the second week of Serbia time is actually about 10 days the way I'm grouping it. This is our time in Novi Sad. I think I've decided that I need to blog all this a little faster because I'm starting to lose things. I'll do the best I can though.

The first four days we spent with EHO which is a non-governmental organization that helps elderly people, and disabled people. We spent a lot of time just listening to the members of the organization tell their story about what they do. It was a little frustrating for us at first because we were thinking of a service project which usually means hard manual labor. So we were ready to build a play ground, or house or tear one down, that sort of thing. We ended up helping them continue to construct a building on the last day, but the rest of the time we spent listening mostly. It was frustrating until we realized that our ministry to them was listening, not necessarily (at this point) participating. They really just wanted to share what they were doing with someone, and I can imagine there aren't many people who come around and are willing to just listen to them about the work they are doing. So, although we didn't see physical results of the ministry we were doing, there were definitely things that God was doing there through out general presence.

EHO took us on a tour of a bunch of orthodox churches. It was a really, really cool trip. We saw some really beautiful churches. We got to go to an orthodox church service even, which was interesting. It wasn't in english so I have no idea what was said. What really struck me while we were there was that the people seemed so bored and passionless. There were a good number of people there, but you could see on their faces that they didn't take joy in being at church. It made me really sad for them. I hope, although I rather doubt, that this wasn't what all orthodox churches are like. The best part of the service though was the church organ. I've never heard a real organ played in person. It was spectacular. The organ is one of my Dad's favorite instruments, so it made me think of him and how much he would love hearing it. At the other churches we visited I saw some really pretty organs that I got pictures of. There was a much more simple church, fewer pictures and painting, less artwork. It was mostly just white walls, but the organ there was gorgeous. Then there was one church that was really extravagant. I was awestruck by the artistry that was in the church and the detail. It was amazing, but it made me wonder why. What was the purpose of the extravagance? I don't know.

We had some good time praying. We prayed over the faculty before we did our blitz there. I got to walk with my dearest Debbie. Although she's been a Christian for a while she was really just starting to discover her faith so she had questions about what we were doing and why. So I got to spend some time with her talking about spiritual warfare, hearing God's voice, the importance of prayer and that kind of thing. We had a really good time together =) I enjoyed praying with her a lot. At this faculty all the faculty buildings were on the same campus which made things a lot easier. We could all be together and didn't have to split up so much, or walk so far and that was really nice.

The blitzes were different than in Belgrade. We still split up, a group of us went to the faculty to talk to students, another group went to the beach at the Danube, and another stayed on the walking street in the main square or in the park. The faculty time was really good. I got to talk to a few students that were willing to talk about God and were relatively curious about him. Novi Sad students seem much more open to talking about God than Belgrade students. It's still not something they talk about, but when He's brought up they're open. After the first day of the blitz we got together as a team to talk about what happened and the challenges we had faced and the good things we saw. The group that went to the Danube had the worst time while they were there. They were really discouraged and timid about the gospel and they had a hard time finding people to talk to if they could even get up the nerve to talk to anyone. So after we shared four of us got together and went back to the river at like nine or ten o'clock in evening to pray over that area.

That prayer walk was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, spiritually speaking. It was incredible. God just really gave me a passion all at once for the area and he gave me a vision of an angel standing over the river and he was calling out "Come into the water and be saved", over and over again. And I saw the whole beach, which is fairly extensive, filled with people just waiting with great anticipation to go down into the water and be baptised. Thinking about it now it reminds me vaguely of the scene from "O Brother Where Art Thou" when all the people are going through the woods in their white robes and being baptised one by one in the river and the two guys got baptised too. Sorry, random thought... Moving on... and I was praying for the land that it would be free from the damage that was done over these many wars that have been waged over it and the NATO bombings and everything. I was praying for freedom for the people, and the Lord was speaking to the people about how much he loves them. He was asking why they continued to resist and refuse him though he loves them so much and has given so much for them to believe and have life. It was intense but awesome.

So I went back really excited, just totally overwhelmed with excitement. The next morning after some encouragement from Sunu, my project leader, I told my teammates publicly about what God had shown me and told them to expect things to be different on the beach that day. Sure enough after we returned that afternoon from our blitz people were approaching me and telling me that things were different and it had changed and good things had happened. It was exhilirating! I loved it! Just totally Amazing =D The third day was interesting. It was a very humbling day for me. My brother Levi called me out on not being totally with it in a conversation we had been having earilier with someone at the beach. It was very unpleasant, but very good. I was glad he was so in my face about my lack of communication. The rest of our time there afterward was really good though. Levi and I got into a good conversation with a group of guys about God and what they believed. Aaron was with us and he had kind of split off to talk to another guy who was actually an orthodox christian who really believed what he had been taught, which was encouraging in general.

And in the midst of this many other things happened, that I can't necessarily recall right this moment. We went to a protestant church one of the very last days and while we were there God told me very plainly that he wants me to come back to Serbia on Stint next year. I wasn't prepared for such calling though and thus had a severe and major break down. It was like God dropped a bomb on me. It made the walk back interesting. My brother Jason sang me scottish songs the whole half hour walk back to our hotel, and brother Josh gave me the biggest longest hug ever. It was great of them to do it, and Anna was of course there for me entirely. She held me for a while before we left the church and just let me cry quarts. It was splendid. Over the next few days I was able to get excited about it and now I'm just thrilled to know I get to go back and experience more of what God is doing in that country. So be prepared my dear friends =)

And I think that is most of the exciting parts of Novi Sad. I'm leaving out a lot, but that's the beauty of the blog I can add to it at any time! Hurrah! Hopefully it won't take me as long to get to the first week of English Camps now. In a day or two I hope ;) We'll see, keep checking back! If you're from my church, I'm talking about Serbia this coming Sunday, August 12th. So you'll hear some of this again I'm sure.

To be continued...

Week One

2007-07-24T19:17:00.000-06:00

Alright party people! Here we go with the first week, I'm not sure how well this will work because the first week of being in Serbia feels like it was ages ago. The picture to the right is from our first hotel in Belgrade, the Excelsior. I was just being silly, as you can well see. That's not the point though...

In our first few days in Belgrade we did a lot of exploring around the city and getting familiar with it, as well as team building. When we arrived the Stint team (Stinters are students, or former students who have been staying over seas for a year doing ministry) showed around the city a little bit and took us to an Internet cafe to e-mail family, friends and supporters to let them all know we had arrived safely. It was a bit of a long day because we were all so tired and trying to stay awake so we could adjust to the time. There were a lot of first impressions that day with our team. There were a few people I met that day that the first impression I had of them was not truly how they were, or it was and God changed them drastically.

The second day we did a scavenger hunt around the city. We were given clues as to where certain things were but we had to ask the Serbians where these things were at. So there was a lot running around and asking complete strangers for directions several times in order to get to a certain destination. It was a hot day, and I was with Aaron, Barry and Debbie, which made things interesting. Barry and Debbie were ahead most of the time asking for directions, but Aaron had the map, so they couldn't stray too far. We did learn a lot about the city that day though and where things were located. It made things easier through out the week as we went to the faculties (University campuses are called faculties in Serbia, and they are usually spread out through the city. The psychology faculty, for instance, might be on the north end of Belgrade, while the law faculty is south and the philosophy faculty is west etc.). At the end of the day there were prizes for the team that finished first, I don't remember who won though.

We had a couple "Family Nights" when we played games that involved a lot of team work. In one game we had to cross the room as a team on pieces of paper that were taped to the floor. The catch was that we each had a handicap, each paper we touched had to be occupied at all times or it was destroyed, and we had to alternate hands and feet with every move we made. That probably doesn't make any sense, but it was awesome and difficult. We learned to trust each other though. We also played sardines, which is a lot like hide and seek. We played at the fort, which was a lot of fun. My partner and I won that one, it was fun =)

Midway through our stay we had a day of prayer and fasting. We spent time in worship and prayer and reflection. Trying to prepare our hearts before God and really wait on him to hear what he had to say, grasp his vision for what he wanted to do here. It was a really awesome day. We watched a video, which I think I talked about before, that had all these old preachers sermons. The one that struck me was one who said that he had gone to Africa as a missionary and had intended to help the people and bring the gospel to them. When he got there he realized they already knew about Jesus, they were just content to sin, they wanted to sin, they loved their sin and didn't want to give it up. He was so angry and asked God why He had bothered to send him to these people who simply didn't care. God responded that He didn't send this man for the people and He didn't send him for the benefit of this man either, He sent the man for Himself. "I didn't send you here for you, I didn't send you here for these people, I sent you here for ME." And at that point I realized that I didn't want to be in Serbia for any reason other than God. It was a very good day. God gave me a vision of his excitement and his joy, his desperate passion for the people of Serbia. I've never experienced God like that before.

Then we had our blitzes. We split off into pairs and then went in groups of four to the various faculties to talk to students about the gospel and to promote the Speak Up! camps. I went to the Economy Faculty twice and then to the dorms. The faculty was interesting and difficult. Most of the students couldn't talk very long because they were in the middle of exams. There wasn't much success over all, it was really difficult. We definitely experienced some of the things we had be told about, such as that when you present the gospel to them they nod and agree with everything you say. They don't see the difference between what they believe and what we believe, which is a hard difference to understand. I still don't fully grasp it myself. Still, we did have some good conversations. I met a lovely young woman names Aleksandra at the dorms. Debbie and I talked to her for about an hour and a half, got the gospel out there and were able to really just love on her. At the end we had trouble saying good-bye even. She was a sweet woman, and I think we gave her some things to think about. It wasn't like she got saved on the spot, but she was thinking. Serbians really don't think about God, so for them to start thinking about Him and considering Him is an awesome thing.

During all this there was much praying going on. There are definite spiritual barriers to overcome. There is a lot of anger and loneliness in Beograd (White City), a lot of pain. There are still buildings there that are bombed out and haven't been repaired. They've been there so long that plants have started to grow in the rubble, which is actually really cool when you think about it. That life can still grow in such a hard place. That's what we're praying for in Serbia, that there would be growth and life in the hard place. It's all kind of underneath though. You wouldn't know about the anger and pain by the way people talk or act. You have to get deep with them to notice it, or hit on the right subject. They're friendly, and willing to talk to anyone about anything, although God is a very tough subject for them. They are a truly beautiful people, it hurts me to know that they are under oppression from those things. I can't wait for them to be free from it! It's coming =)

After the blitzes we went to Novi Sad, another beautiful city where God was doing beautiful things. But we'll talk about Novi Sad (New Hope) a little later =)

Home Sweet Home

2007-07-21T09:03:00.000-06:00

Good Morning to all! Well I'm back in Colorado and sitting at home typing on a computer that has normal key structure! Whoo-hoo! I'm sorry I haven't been able to post through out the summer to let you know what has been happening, my time at the Internet cafes has been limited to e-mailing family. Over the next few days I'll be posting about all the happening that went on as I continue to process the summer and the great events God made happen. Keep checking up on here. I'll try to do a week by week kind of thing, but we'll see how that works, it could end up day by day ;)

The over all of the trip was that is was amazing entirely! Words cannot even begin to explain how awesome the trip was and the things that God did in Serbia; the students we met, and in the team, and the individuals on the team. The trip went by so quickly and yet I still feel as though I was there for a year. I am so blessed to have gone on project this summer and I'm so thankful for the people who supported me in going. Thank you for joining me in Serbia, my dear supporters, and for giving of yourselves to those people. There was a change, it made a difference and you were a huge part of it.

I think that's all my brain can handle for the moment because I'm not entirely coherent at the moment, but there will be more possibly later this afternoon or tomorrow. Be blessed friends! =D

Novi Sad

2007-06-24T13:48:00.000-06:00

Hi all! i don't have much time. and this will be full of typos. We are in Novi Sad and God is good here as well as everywhere. We are leaving for Montenegro tomorrow evening. Please keep us in your prayers. we are doing awesomethings here that I wish i had time to tell you about but i don't. Please also keep me in your prayers as i believe that God may be calling me to come back for year on Stint from Sept 08 to July 09. This is huge and I don't know what to think about it, but if that is where God wants me, that is where i will go. I love you all and I miss and I'm praying for you even as you pray for me. Be blessed, be strong and courageous and I will see you soon. Hopefully next time I will have more time to tell you what in particular God is doing here, it really is incredible. I'm so honored to be a part of his movement here. I wish you could be here with me =) YAY GOD!

An E-Mail I Sent from Serbia!

2007-06-09T13:25:00.001-06:00

So I actually have a whole twenty-six minutes to spend with you, and I can get more if I need to. It costs less than a dollar for half an hour on the computer. Things are so incredibly cheap here! Down side being that people here really don't have much money. So lets see, I don't remember what exactly I've told you so far, so if I repeat don't pay any attention to me.

Today we had a time of fasting and prayer throughout the whole day. We watched/listened to a video presentation of a bunch of old sermons by pastors all over the world about Christianity and the chuch and the evangelism. I honestly didn't pay that much attention to the video itself, I was distracted by the music that was in the background and what the Lord was saying to me through it. You probably know how I love Last of the Mohicans, and most of the music was from that movie. God was really talking to me about this summer and revealing his excitement about what is about to happen in Serbia.

We have heard, and keep hearing that Serbia is a hard place to be a missionary, and I don't think it's going to be like that this summer at all. I really believe that God is going to do some major break throughs while we are here and especially in preparation for next years Stint group. He showed me a verse in Isaiah 60: 20 I think talking about that changes would happen swiftly. Read the chapter for the reference and you might see some big parallels to what is and has been happening in this country. So as I was listening to the music the Lord spoke to me that the light was coming and he showed me this view of the the city and there was the burst of bright light and then brilliant colors stretched across the sky. It was beautiful! It was to me a symbol of what he is going to do here. It's going to be sudden and glorious and it's going to change everything here.

Another song that played was a wedding cannon and he was saying to me that he was going to be dancing with his bride, Serbia, soon and gave me this beautiful vision of it. He said to me "You don't know her like I do. You don't see her like I do. She is more beautiful than beauty. I desire her and I will not allow anything to stand in my way now!" And his joy and excitement and certainty just spread through me. At that point I heard some of what one pastor was saying about being in Africa and he thought he was going to go and spread the gospel to these people who wanted to know God and find him. When he got there he was disgusted to find that these people knew about God and they were simply happy to live with their sin. They were uninterested and he confronted the Lord on it and the Lord said to him that it wasn't about those people, it wasn't about this man, it was about Him. "This is not about you, this is not about these people, this is about ME" He sent that man for Himself, not for any other reason. I was struck by the love in that statement, the overwhelming passion and desire. It was in that moment that I knew that I didn't want to be here for any other reason than to get God what he wants most. The Serbian Bride.

I find myself in a place where I could care less about what God does in me and through me. All I care about right now is making sure that God gets what he so desperately desires. I don't think I have ever felt so selfless and yet still so ambitious. I am not concerned about not saving people, as far as I am concerned they are already saved, they just don't know it yet. So with that knowledge that God is on the brink of something incredible, I will go with a new kind of boldness and tell people about him because he wants them soooo much that there is not possiblity that they will not choose him. It's like going out to do work that is already done. Just putting on the finishing touches. It's amazing. All I have to do is speak of him, I don't have to convince anyone because they've already been convinced. That probably sounds naive, and maybe it is, but as always I simply know what I know. No one has to tell me, I don't need proof of this, I just know. God is doing something he has never done before and I get to be a joyous part of it. I feel more alive than I ever have, and more joyful than I ever have. This is just a blessing and honor to usher in God's presence to a country that is already desired by the King to be his Bride. Could this be any easier?

So, I love you, I do miss you very much, and I bless you in all that God is doing back home. Be strong and courageous and pray for us. That nothing would stop God or his servants from winning this Bride. That nothing could stand in the way of revival. Call down the strong holds and stand firmly in faith with me. We have no choice but to believe this, because faith is the only thing capable of moving a mountain, and this is a MOUNTAIN! I'll get in touch again before we leave for Novi Sad on... I think Thursday, maybe even a couple days. We are doing evangelism "blitzes" on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday and then go to Novi Sad for a week or so. Again I love you! Be blessed!

Kirstin Elise Block

Farewell

2007-06-05T06:02:00.001-06:00

Hello to all! Just writing an extremely short note to let you know that I'm leaving for Serbia today! Hurray! Please be praying for my team and I as we go out to serve the Lord's people in his country. My flight leaves at 1:55PM and I'll be back some time on July 20th. I love you and bless you in all that you do!

The Imminent Bag to the Antipodal

2007-05-29T14:17:00.000-06:00

I had to do a lot of research to get that title, just to let you know. I used the online thesaurus for "preparing"( imminent) "venture" (Bag, I don't know how bag related to venture but it apparently does) and "foreign" (antipodal). So I'm preparing to venture into a foreign land, in exactly one week. In fact at this specific time one week from now I should be either in the air or just taking off. The flight is at 1:55 but it's always hard to say if you'll get off the ground on time. Therefore consider this the beginning of my posts about Serbia and the Xperience of trip 2007.

Can I just say that it's finally starting to sink into my thick head that I'm leaving and it's really freaking me out at this particular juncture. Every time I think about it my stomach ties up in knots and I get at giggly and squealy. I half want to laugh with excitement and half want to scream with terror. Was I very sane when I signed up for this project? Hmmm... not so sure about that one.

And then logical me (I know that sounds funny) grips me, the hysterical me, and says: "What the heck are you freaked out about? Everything is going to be fine! You know it's going to be fine, what's wrong with you?!" But then I think I might be schizophrenic because I'm referring to a logical and hysterical me... Well anyway, for a brief moment I get a grip, and then go back into hysteria thinking, in a mild panic, of how I'm going to pack (and pack lightly enough) to not be too weighed down by my luggage as we walk the streets in a strange country. Thinking about it makes me want to shudder, I don't really know why. I feel very unfocused, because packing and leaving are not exactly the biggest or most important parts of this trip. However, I can't seem to focus on the really important parts, like reaching people for Christ and getting to know him better myself.

I'm stuck in a strange place constantly bouncing from sheer excitement and jumping for joy, and then to sheer terror wringing my hands in agony. However, I definitely have some things going for me. Things like, I'm going with friends and not strangers. I know everyone on the team, except for a couple who are out of town or out of state, and they are all people that I love dearly. They are encouraging people, and good prayers, and servants who really love God and can steady me when I start to go a little crazy. They are also people that I can steady when they start to go a little crazy, although I think it would be best if there was only one crazy person active on the team at any given time. I'm even going with people who have been before, who know what to expect from the people there. They have an understanding of the culture, not complete, but still there. I also have people here who are great intercessors and will be praying for the team and what happens while we are there. They will be such a vital part of what happens that with out them there could be no trip, period. The man leading out team is an outstanding man of God. There is a strong air of authority about him. Not in the way that the guy you work for that's bully in the office is, you know what I mean? It's authority, but there is grace in his authority and love and compassion. It's not a face he puts on to push around people that are below him.

Keep in mind though, as I speak to myself here, that the greatest thing going for me, my team, and this trip in general, is that God is with us. His hand is heavy upon us all and the adventure we are undertaking. There can be no mistaking it in the least. He has provided in abundance for me and for several others on the team, enough abundance to provide money for others to come who might not have been able to otherwise. This one trip, all by itself, has been in the works for many, many years. I do not know the face of God, what he looks like or how exactly he thinks. I don't know how his mind works, and I cannot fathom the plans he has for this journey or the effects hereafter. I do know, however, that this one small and seemingly insignificant voyage has been in his mind for years, decades, maybe even centuries. I know my God is a strategist, and that he has been lining everything up for this trip, from simple accommodations like food and housing, to the precise people he intends to be on the team, to each and every person who will attend the English camps. He has been working on my heart for this moment for the past twenty-one years, and this is only the first step toward something even bigger in the future that I know nothing about at this point. He has been preparing the hearts of the Serbian students that we will see for the whole of their lives as well. There is no mistaking such a thing. Many people would say I'm crazy for saying such a thing... well I've already admitted to being a bit crazy, so you were right. But I know it, I know like I know that the sun will rise in the morning and set in the evening. No one has to tell me, I know.

*sigh* This line of thought gives me peace and for a moment, that lasts as long as (admittedly) I allow it to, I'm not bouncing between excitement and terror. I'm content, and confident, and fearless. The torrent I'm about to step into hardly even touches the edges of my mind, much like Peter must have felt as he stepped onto the waves to go and meet Christ. The trick now, is to stay focused on Him and not panic and sink back into the water. That should be easy right?

Yay God Moment

2007-05-11T14:54:00.000-06:00

I have a fabulous yay God moment to share with you today. It almost didn't happen, but I followed through! There is a guy I went to school with, my earliest memories of being in class with him go back to at least fourth grade, probably before that even. So I've known him for a long time, we have never been close, and in high school I really didn't like him most of the time. What, then, would you say are the odds that I would dream about him and no one else that I went to school with? I don't dream about my friends from high school, or even enemies. Unless I dream about being in high school, and even then old friends that I interact with aren't really active in my dreams, they don't play any central role. But with this one guy... I dream about every so often, a few months will go by and I'll have another dream about him. They are never very happy dreams, I can't remember the details of them, but the idea sticks: something isn't right.

When I have these dreams they disturb me, and I set out trying to find him some how to see if he's ok. I don't generally put much meaning to my dreams because in general they are rather violent and unhappy so I don't pay much attention. With him though I just had to make sure. I would look for a way to find him to no success, and kind of forget about it until I dreamed of him again. I dreamt of him a few nights ago and happened to be on facebook the next day and decided to take a shot at finding him there, and sure enough there he was! So I "friended" him and waited a day to think about how to approach the subject. After all "hey I haven't seen you in three years but I have dreams about you and they're bad" seems like kind of a weird thing to just pop up and say.

Well after thinking about it I decided there really isn't another way to say it with out sounding insincere when asking how he's doing. I resolved to send him a message last night, but I got sick yesterday and didn't do much of anything. I got up today, still not feeling well, and thought to myself that this is probably just silly and I'm being paranoid and nothing is wrong. He's fine, he doesn't need me prying into his life, after all why should he tell me anything anyway? We were never really friends. I almost didn't send him a message, I was really close to just calling the whole thing off, but at the last second I decided to try anyway despite sounding like a crazy person.

I wrote to him and explained that I have been dreaming about him every once in a while and that the dreams usually aren't very good ones and that I wanted to know how he was. I was careful to explain that I really do want to know. You know how sometimes you see someone you haven't seen in a while and there's that awkward "so how are you?" question that comes up, and really don't want to know how they are. You want them to say "I'm doing good." and leave it at that so that you don't have to get hung up with them in more awkward conversation. I wanted to make sure that he didn't just give me the answer most people want to hear, I really wanted to know how he was and I tried to convey that with the knowledge he would probably just ignore me.

I really didn't expect to get a reply, and if I did get a reply I didn't expect him to actually open up to me. That's where the yay God moment comes in. He did reply, and quickly at that, and even better he answered my question completely and honestly. I was quite shocked at what he revealed to me about what has been going on in his life and how hard it has been over the past year. He had no good reason to trust me with what he told me, and if I had been him I probably wouldn't have revealed so much to a person that I wasn't close to. He allowed me into a very personal place in his life, and I am so honored that he did so, and so proud of him for sharing it because it wasn't easy. Even more, I am so honored that the Lord chose to use me in this instance to gain some insight into his life and being able to pray for him in a more intimate way. And to think that I almost left this guy hanging because I thought it was a dumb thing to ask of someone I really barely know.

So now I get to pray for him and the situations he is facing and I'm really excited about it! I'm excited for him because I know that things are going to get better for him. I can't explain how I know it, and to tell him that would probably seem insensitive to where is at right now, but I know it. I know that what he is going through now, God is going to use in the future to change some person's life. I know because God has done that in my life. I'm excited for his future, because it's going to be absolutely splendid and in the end absolutely perfect. In the midst of this I've learned something too. I've learned that when I get a feeling like that, that I need to find some one and talk to them, that I should just do it before I start to worry that I'm going to sound like I'm crazy. That I shouldn't hesitate, because in that moment of hesitation I could lose the opportunity to show someone the love of Christ.

Ready for the challenge? Here it is: when you feel like God speaks to you and that you need to act, then ACT because it is more important than you can see right then and there. If the Lord quickens your heart to speak to someone, even though it seems odd to speak to them about something, just do it and don't be afraid. Trust that the Lord is using you to help someone who might not otherwise be helped. Show that person love, even though it doesn't make sense in they way you feel you need to do it. Pay attention, and be aware of the Lord speaking into your heart in everything you do. The truth is you can't afford not to pay attention and be aware.

Then at the end of the day you can say YAY GOD!!!

Remember That Pulling Feeling I Had Earlier?

2007-04-27T20:32:00.000-06:00

Well I may have discovered the reason! God's been speaking a lot, and doing things in my heart lately, so I have some interesting things to share with you. Generally they are things that I don't want to share, because they are my flaws and I honestly don't want you to know that I'm flawed, even though you do. I don't want you to have the intimate details of what those flaws are so that you can see them clearly, or even challenge me to change in those areas. However, in keeping with the effort to be open and honest, I'm going to tell you anyway, though it makes me very nervous to do it. And on an extra note not particularly related to the first, I will say that I was right about my dear Lord and King being excited about it, because I am too. He's given me a beautiful gift tonight that I've been telling him I wanted, and I know he's terribly and wonderfully joyful to give it to me now.

I'll start with the first thing listed, that seems reasonable right? Although maybe I should go backward... No, I'll start in the boring, unoriginal, in order fashion. Original is overrated anyway right? Ok, so here we go, brace yourself for impact! Humility has been a large theme of the semester, and the Lord has been pressing in on me the entirety of what that means for me. There is a lot that I could say about that. When it all comes down to it, I am much more prideful and selfish that I give myself credit for. I have a terrible tendency to fain modesty about my abilities when I know that I am good at what I do. I have to say that I think that is worse than regular old boasting, because it's also a lie and very misleading in every fashion. Anna confronted me on that earlier in the semester, and Aaron did too, although I don't think he knows it. With Anna it was one of those moments where I had to make a decision to (a) lie and say "No I don't do that, what are you talking about?" or (b) see it in myself and say "You're right, and because you have told me this because you love me and want to see me grow I am going to do something about. I'll make a change." I chose the latter option, with great difficulty. So I've been trying to own up to my abilities more this semester since then. It's hard to change a habit like that.

Then, more recently, the Lord has been bringing to my attention other things that co-inside with humility, and deal with "death of the self". Well, you may ask, "What the heck does that mean? Are you talking about suicide, because I don't think I can handle reading a blog in which you clearly say that you are going to kill yourself." Never fear! Death to self has nothing to do with suicide, and I'm quite happy living ;) Death to self me giving up every self centered desire and impulse you have. It is crucifying selfish ambition, self-reliance, self-deprecation and a whole lot of other self words. If it has self in it, you can probably count on it being not good and needing to die. As Christians all of our focus, and our hearts desires should be for God. The Lord has been revealing to me that I have no been focused and desiring after him, I have been focused and desiring after me. Let me tell you, that is rough to hear from your First Love. When you realize that you've stopped loving your First Love so that you can love on yourself, you know you're in a bad place. God was kind to me in the way he told me this. I'm reading a couple books by some great authors and the chapters I was reading in both of them "just happened" to be talking about this as I was reading them. Then I've also been reading in my Bible, at curiously the same time as these particular chapters in the books, about the same thing! Coincidence?... Come on, be realistic! Even if you aren't a believer you have to think that's kind of odd.

I've been thinking about this and what it means for me as a leader, and as a servant, and as a missionary to Serbia for 6 1/2 weeks. I don't want to do anything else until I fix this within myself. Obviously that's not going to happen over night, but with some dedication and prayerful help I can kill the monster that is my self. I'm excited about the prospect, even though I don't want to deal with it because it's going to be hard. Lets face it, nothing in life is easy. I was telling Anna today when I met with her that for me hearing God's voice is easy, it's following it that's hard. As I say all this, I hope that your mind is reeling with the idea that you could be in the same place. If you connect with this, don't turn away and pretend like this isn't you. I love you and I want to see you grow, so face it and deal with it, even as I deal with my stuff. We'll do it together and support each other. And if this doesn't connect with you, I challenge you to ask God the most difficult question: Lord what do you want to change in me? What is not right in my heart that you want to see changed and devoted to you? How do you want to purify and sanctify me? Those are tough questions because if you ask him for that he will answer, and the answer isn't usually much fun. It's worth it! Do it! For the sake of the people who need you, do it. When you better yourself, or rather allow God to better you, yours chances at actually helping some on drastically increase. Don't be afraid, and don't resist God, and he will be gentle with you. If you resist he might be more aggressive with showing you the worst parts of you. Gentle is better.

Now, the second part is equally, if not more exciting! Part of my struggle with humility is that I really want to lead. I have something that I can give to someone, whoever needs it, and I want to share it but with out being in leadership it's really difficult to do that in an efficient manner. And I have told the Lord this, that I want that responsibility, I want to take care of people, and I want to speak words of life into their lives and help them see who they are in Christ. I want to do more than I am doing now. Then I decided to be patient and trust him to give me that when he thought I was ready. I am excited to say that I don't have to be as patient as I thought I was going to have to be. The Lord has given me the greatest opportunity to serve as a co-leader on the prayer team for JiB! I am sooo excited! So I think that is what the Lord was pulling me about and what he was excited about, that he was going to give me one of my greatest desires. How awesome a gift is that to have to opportunity to lead people in prayer, which leads to healing, which leads to the major spreading of the gospel! It is so rock on! I'm stoked! I get to lead with Elizabeth, which will prove interesting because she and I are very different, and not in a bad way. We'll provide an excellent balance for each other and be able to teach one another many things in the semester to come. Isn't this awesome! God's gonna use me! I'm gonna get used =D <--- remember my happy face =D

And that is all my fun news, the good, the bad, and the pretty darn ugly. What is God pulling you at? Have you figured it out yet? Sometimes it takes a while, but even if you haven't found the pull he has surely been doing something that you've noticed. What's he been doing? No, I really want to know, do tell, I love it =D

What's the Dish Silver Fish!

2007-04-18T22:29:00.000-06:00

I love being random, just in case you couldn't tell. I have no idea what the title means, but it has good rhythm and it rhymes, so I'm happy =D <--- see that's my happy face =D

I honestly don't have anything in particular to post about tonight. I don't have any marvelous revelations like I did last week about this time, or any amazingest stories to regale you with. My thoughts aren't particularly well put together either unfortunately. I feel so boring! Last semester was this incredible time and this semester seems to have just flown by with out much to show for it. I feel like I didn't do anything this semester, nothing worth doing anyway. Like maybe I got caught up in myself even though that is exactly what I aimed not to do.

I feel as though I wasn't as involved this semester with Crusade as I could have been, I didn't do enough... but that's not really true either. Truth is I've done everything this semester that I did last semester and missed a couple events because of snow. Snow is irritating that way. Seems as though I've missed something, something important. I missed making a difference some where. My desire has been to serve and encourage, but have I done that really? I suppose, but only a few could say.

I've been able to minister to friend who has found herself in... three or four, now, rough situations. Most of which she didn't get herself into. I can't even begin to tell you what a joy it has been for me to offer her what little wisdom the Lord has granted me to give to others. I haven't had that kind of opportunity since I moved to Pueblo, two years ago next month. Holy cow! I've been here two years! Who'duh thunk it. I find so much joy in helping people, encouraging them and lifting them up. I used to prophesy over people, that was fun. I don't do that anymore due to an unfortunate and rather doubt planting confrontation with someone that I love. But there was something to that which was amazing and joyous. To listen to God say how much they loved so-and-so and then tell them. It fires me up and gives me life and passion. To tell someone that they can be strong because God is strong in them and he loves them, and he's with them. To watch a person's strength grow even as you speak to them.

But I didn't see what I expected to see this semester. I expected to see God do more, which is certainly not to say that he hasn't been doing anything. We have tons of people coming to JiB now, it's been incredible! God has definitely been working. Chelsea, my dear friend, has grown enormously since I met her last semester, and she is this beautiful, radiant young woman of God. She is not nearly so timid as she used to be, she has confidence where she didn't before, and purpose where is was lacking. She's so much stronger now, as a believer, a lover of the living God. But there were people that I really expected to see something incredible happen with, and it didn't. Did I expect too much, or just not what God had planned on? I know for certain his plans and mine are very different most of the time.

I don't know, but I feel the Lord pulling at me like he wants to do something, something he's all excited about. Like "hey, come look, come look at thins". Or like my nephew who runs up to me "Auntie K! LOOK!" which by the way is really adorable. Maybe this is it, what I've been waiting for expectantly. He's finishing the semester out with a BANG! I know how he loves to come in at the last minute and do something fantastic, maybe this is it. What do you think? What is God about to do?

What about you friend? What is God doing in your life that he hasn't done before? Do you feel him pulling you? I can guarantee it with out a doubt that he is. When the King pulls one member of the body, the whole body moves. Did you know that in order for you to walk your head moves first, ever so slightly, but your head starts the motion forward for you to be able to walk. Your whole body follows the slight pull of one part. God does the same thing. So if he's pulling at me, how is he pulling at you? We'll have to pay attention together =)

Who are you?

2007-04-11T22:57:00.000-06:00

It's a question I often want to ask people, even people I've known for years and years. I'll be talking to them and just have the sudden urge to say "Who are you ____?" (fill in the blank with proper name). Not in the sense that I don't know who they are, I've known them long enough to know who they are. At least on the surface. But who are they? Who does God say they are? How did he make them that he didn't make anyone else? WHO are you? Not just your name, or what you like to do or what your favorite sports team is. Who are you really? Well I've never asked anyone that question because I know that I would have to have an answer for it as well, and I've never had one. The fact is I haven't known who I am, I know me pretty well I think, but not completely.

Tonight my dear brother Chas had his senior recital. God bless him, I love him so much. He is such an amazing man in every way, he's been a huge blessing to me and influenced me more than I like to admit, but always for the better. While he was playing tonight I shut up long enough to listen to him and while I was listening to him play the Lord decided to jump in while I was not paying attention to myself and say a few words. So I owe you, Chas, a big thank you for playing tonight so that I could shut up long enough to let God say something incredible.

He (God) was telling me about singing. Now he's been pressing it on my heart lately how important it is for me to sing to people. I don't know how to go about that, but it's important. I don't sing for people though, I'm very shy about singing for anyone. My own boyfriend doesn't hear me sing anywhere but in my car when I feel like no one is paying attention. You see, singing is the very heart of me. Music is what my soul is made of, and it is the one part of me that is the most vulnerable and I don't share it because I want to protect it. I will share my life story with you and never leave out even one gruesome detail. If you really want to know I will share with you every wonderful thing I've done, and every horrible sin I've committed. I will tell you and give you anything you want, but sing for you... not a chance. And he told me tonight that he wants people to see the heart of me, and that it's important that I show it. It's important for the Serbians that I do... how crazy is that to think about.

If I tell you about my life and who God has made me you'll see my heart, but only a glimpse of it. You'll never know me that way because I'm not really being vulnerable with you. I am to some extent but not completely, and that's the plain the truth, something I don't like to admit. But when I sing to you, my songs... that is a very different story. What I sing is truly a part of my soul. It is all my desires, hopes, dreams, thoughts, ambitions, and all my love, care and mercy. It is who I am entirely. And there is a lot there to give.

I wrote a song recently and recorded it. I gave a copy to my Anna-Belle and one to Chas. That is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I gave it to them to critique it, which made it even harder, because it's an evaluation of me essentially. I did get a review from Anna, I haven't heard from Chas but there hasn't been much time to ask. That song is a part of my soul, it is the nearest thing to who I am except for one. The other isn't really even a song yet, it's a poem I wrote probably three years ago and just haven't gotten a tune for yet. That poem is me, plain and simple. I can't even explain it to you because it isn't really about me, either of them. They are both about the Lord, but the meaning behind them is the cry of my heart.

So I believe that when the Lord made me he sang me into existence. He didn't just mold me or make me, he sang a song and there I was, radiant and beautiful just as he designed me to be. I have an answer to my question now.

Who am I? I am the Lord's Song and his Music Maker.

Who are you?

M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I

2007-04-06T10:49:00.000-06:00

I don't know why but I just really like to spell Mississippi. It's fun, it has a certain rhythm to it =) Ok, so I got back almost a week ago and still have not posted about it! Shame on me! If you have no time and can't read the whole post I'll shorten it for you: Mississippi trip=AMAZING <---and for anyone who reads this and actually went on the trip will actually understand the full extent of what that means lol =)

Ok, so the long version, which won't be that long because the whole week just ran together and I can't remember what we did when, and I don't have much time to do this anyway. So hear goes.

We caravanned (sp?) to Miss. with three vehicles and had just a major blast getting down there. We drove straight through and the one stint that I drove, through Dallas Texas, I got lost for an hour. That was an adventure. If you are a Dallas driver I have this to say to you: SHAME ON YOU! GO TO ANOTHER STATE AND LEARN HOW TO DRIVE! I have never had to deal with such rude and aggressive drivers, it was irritating. But also fun because it was an adventure. The highway system there is seriously a total labyrinth, if you don't live there, there is no way you're going to find your way around. It was pretty incredible.

So we got to Camp Gospel Sunday afternoon, about an hour before we had planned to be there and had sort of an orientation and then spent the rest of the day on the beach. We were only a stone's throw away from the beach, it was fantastic. The water there is soooo warm, lots of jelly fish, no sharks, it was good. Later on in the week I went with a group of the guys all the way out to the post that said "Danger (something else I don't remember)" on it, that was fun. I think the drop off point was right around there. It was like a quarter or so mile out in the ocean and the water wasn't above my head yet. You know what a feat that is right? When I go to the pool five feet deep is pushing it for me keeping my head above water.

Monday we started working. We had such a large group between the Colorado Springs UCCS people and the Pueblo CSUP people (and a few from Boulder too), that we had to split up the groups. There were 36 of us total and we split up into two groups of 18. One group went to New Orleans (which ended up not working out, but you'll have to talk to one of them to get the whole story, it was pretty awesome), and then my group stayed in Pass Christian and pulled nails all day. Now pulling nails doesn't sound particularly exciting, I know, and honestly it was pretty monotonous, but this guy that we were doing it for had found all these boards that were just going to be thrown away and decided to keep them because it was such a waste. Well, once all the nails are pulled out (there was a lot of wood, we spent all day there and got through maybe a quarter of it), he is going to build a house for himself and his daughter and anyone else that needs a new house. Sweet huh? So it was worth it.

Tuesday my team went to New Orleans to do the house the other team was supposed to do on Monday but couldn't. We had to gut the entire house, it was quite an experience, especially in the not-so-safe neighborhood that we were in, with the "crazy" neighbor. The neighbor was the most interesting part of the house, he was ranting and raving the whole time we were there, it was a bit scary, so I stayed away from him. We ended up leaving the house unfinished, but we came back Friday and finished it and the neighbor was a lot different. His ranting and raving had stopped and he was relatively quiet the whole time we were there. I know it was because we had been praying for him. His whole countenance was changed, he was a lot happier to see us and more welcoming since it was "his neighborhood". I think there is a chance that some other volunteers will be helping him with the properties around there that he is taking care of. What was the most sad is that he just kept saying "They don't care, they just don't care God!", not about us, but about everyone else in general. I think he really appreciated what we were doing, since he hadn't seen anyone else doing it.

Wednesday and Thursday I don't really remember as individual days. I know that Wednesday I was totally exhausted and could barely get anything done. Over those two days we moved a party boat, rock on for the "Man Flesh" and "WO-Man Flesh" that accomplished that, cleared a bunch of tree and bush debris from a house, gutted another house that was going to be demolished, and something else I honestly can't remember. It was great. You would be amazed at all that we did and all that still needs to be done. Some of what we were doing was really small, I mean pulling nails and moving bushes? How much does someone really need that done? That's what you think when you start it, but it's a big deal to the people you are doing it for. It's a big deal to them that you are there sacrificing your time and energy to do some really hard work that you aren't getting paid for. Then again some of it really was a big deal, like gutting houses. Those people can't get a new house built until their house is gutted and they can't afford for someone to come out and gut it for them. So what we did for them was a really big deal too, it means a lot to them, because we gut their home they are able to have a new one.

Going down there you really don't see a whole lot of damage left on the outside. When we got there I was kind of wondering where all this so called devastation was. A lot has been done, there are a lot of buildings and homes that are looking good now. The problem now is on the inside. Black mold has completely destroyed a lot of these homes, they look great on the outside, but when you start pulling off dry wall you see 1) how weak the dray wall is and 2) how much black mold there is. We were wearing masks the whole time because of how dangerous it was. And you wouldn't even know it until you start taking it apart.

Hey if you're reading this and thinking this sounded kinda cool, you should really go sometime. Even just for a few days, it's worth it. The Katrina disaster is still very much a reality for the people in the Gulf area. We have the luxury of forgetting about it because the only thing that still effects us from the hurricane is the price of gas. There are tons of people still living in trailers because no one will help them anymore. People don't care, so it's up to us to start caring again and go and take care of our own people, and by our example maybe the nation will start to care again too. Big hope huh? A little irrational? Maybe, but we certainly can't afford to put a limit on God and what he can do. God can use one person to change the heart of a nation. He can use one group of people, people like us, to change the heart of a nation, to make that nation remember to care for it's people no matter how different they are. So if you are able, find some one to go with and just do it.

If you are interested in going with our group there is talk of going on a three week trip sometime this summer, and they also for for a week over Thanksgiving break, one or two weeks over winter break and then the week for spring break. There is plenty of opportunity, so you have no excuse on that end ;)

Prayer

2007-03-20T20:16:00.000-06:00

Another exciting blog entry from your favorite blogster ;) See? I'm getting much better with the frequency of my posts! Maybe that's not necessarily a good thing, but I'm sure I'll find a balance in there some where.

I need your help in praying for my family. We're in a rough place, and there is no doubt about that, it's been this way for a while now actually, but it doesn't seem to be getting any better. So hop on the prayer wagon and lets make it better together! Here is what you can pray for in a nutshell, I'm not going to give you details about what's going on, you'll have to pray in faith, pray for $15,000 to come into the store by March 31st. That would be especially important. Next pray for the Lord's favor as we try to refinance our house, interest rates have been killer. If you will join with me in those things I would really appreciate it. And just pray for my parents, for wisdom and peace and for the Lord to provide all that we need. It doesn't take much, just a few minutes. There is no such things as too small a prayer, even if it's just "Lord bless them!" that's perfect =)

Will you join me?

The Week

2007-03-18T18:59:00.000-06:00

Yo Brethren! What up? I thought I would take a few minutes to update you on what has happened this week. Tuesday I did get to meet with my friend Daniel. We talked at Barnes and Noble for about two and a half hours, it was a really good time. We talked mostly about God and religion. He is a great example of how Christians have hurt the world by being fake. He doesn't have a problem with God, he has a problem with people who pretend to be good when they aren't, with hypocrites, and that has turned him off to Christianity. That's the bottom line of his issues. He believes in God, although not necessarily in Jesus Christ, that was very sketchy. What's even worse than that is that he told me he felt like I am the only outside of his family that truly cares about him, whether he lives or dies. How horrible is that? The Body of Christ rejected him and hasn't loved him? That's the kind of thing that rips my heart out of my chest. I am honored that God placed me in his life and built that kind of trust between us, but devastated that I'm the only one who has shown him that kind of love. It shouldn't be rare like that, it should be common place.

Anyway, aside from that the week was yet more interesting =) I got pulled over for the first time on Wednesday for a cracked windshield. My Dad said that the officer was probably just wondering why that 12 year old was driving on the highway and it really had nothing to do with the crack. That really wouldn't surprise me.

I ordered my passport on Thursday! That was very, very exciting! I'm going to Serbia!!! We (the CSUP Serbia team) also fasted on Thursday, that was a very long day, but good. I think I'll just be fasting two meals on our fasting days because I have no energy with out eating and Thursdays are also JiB. Friday we all got together and did a mailing party! That was great fun, lots of laughing. Aaron got a little loopy toward the end which made for lots of laughs, he was sooo tired. We had dinner together and stuffed, addressed and stamped envelopes. When we had done enough we stopped and watched Hitch, so I didn't get home until almost 1:00 AM, but it was totally worth it =) It was good fellowship time. (Anna's Mom fell on Thursday though and hurt herself pretty badly, so pray for her please).

And finally today! I talked at church about Serbia and gave out a few response cards. One family actually wrote me a check there on the spot! Hallelujah! I am so thankful! It was fantastic =) I'm starting to get more comfortable talking in front of people, isn't that crazy? Not something that's normal for me, but it's a good thing. So now I only need $4,300 more! =D Yay! We're almost there! Every little bit is a little closer =)

Some of my friends from Crusade are also going to South Korea for the big worldwide conference that is in... I don't remember... either the end of June or the beginning of July. Only a handful are going because the Lord arranged for most of us not to be able to, but set aside a few that would be going, which is really exciting. Please be praying for them as they set their hearts and minds on that. The conference itself is only $100 but the airfare will be much more than that.

Next week is the Mississippi trip for Katrina Relief. Between CSUP and UCCS in the Springs there will about 35-40 students going to provide help for the people on the Gulf Coast. I'm one of the them, as well as my boyfriend, and another friend of mine from Denver. About half the students going are from CSUP! Rock on! I get so excited about Serbia that I rather forget about this trip, but it's going to be amazing. A lot of work, but amazing. Please keep us in your prayers as we go.

The campus is flourishing, there have been tons of new people coming to JiB the past few weeks, God is really working in the communities he has placed people in. Hallelujah!

What's New Caribou

2007-03-13T11:03:00.000-06:00

I was starting to worry that I wasn't going to get a bunch of mailing addresses from my friends back in Denver, but they totally came through! Praise God! He is so awesome! =) I love him! So for those of you who were willing to do that, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! You made me very happy!

Last night we had our weekly prayer meeting. We actually didn't get a whole lot of praying in, but it was totally awesome anyway. Before the meeting I went to the campus early, which isn't unusual for me, to read my Bible some and do some prayin' 'round campus. It was sooo nice out! It's wonderful to have sun and heat back for a while. (In case you can't tell, I'm very much a summer girl, winter is not my season). So I read some more of 2 Chronicles, which I am two chapters away from finishing, and then I thought I was just pray around the campus. I walked the whole campus, it was great, and just prayed over each building as I passed around it. It was a really good time, very enjoyable.

Since it was so nice out I had a feeling that we would end up praying outside, so I tried not to tire myself out too much. When I finished I got something to eat and headed up to our meeting place. Sure enough once everyone was there we resolved to go outside and pray! What we did pray was good. I have to admit I couldn't hear what anyone was praying because we were in a line and I was on the end. But I laid back on the cement where we were sitting and just looked up at the sky as the stars began to show through. It was so beautiful. I just lay there and praised God for what He had made. I felt as thought I could reach up and pull the the bottomless blue down around me like a blanket.

So we finished praying, which didn't take long and started talking, and Anna wanted to play a game. I thought that was a great idea because for whatever reason I was in a particularly good mood last night, joy of Lord, amen! The guys weren't really into that idea, but Aaron came up with a massage circle, so we went inside the Music building and did a massage line because the circle was too tight. It was most pleasant! After a few minutes we switched it up and did it again. It was fun! And then we just stood around and talked for a while. It was a really good meeting. Although we didn't pray a whole lot, the Lord blessed us with some extra joy and the time to share it with one another in His presence, and that makes a difference in the world.

Tonight I get to meet with my friend Daniel. I'm really excited about it, I think God is going to do something amazing for him. He's been in a bit of a tough place for quite a while and really needs the love and peace of Jesus in his life. I'm excited that the Lord has put me in a position to show him that kind of love. I find that I'm quite surprised at how much I do care for Daniel, with out much reason to. I don't know him particularly well, we aren't really that close, but I love him very much. As a friend and brother that is. I want so much for him to know Christ and the love of the Lord as I do that I think I would do pretty much anything if it would help him believe. Really believe. Not just to say he believe, but to truly, down from his toes to the top of his head, believe and see that in him. I want him to live and thrive in all the glory of the Lord, which He wants to share with our dear Daniel. So, the Lord will meet with us tonight and bless our conversation and fellowship, and it will be awesome!

Thursday the Serbia team that is on CSU-P campus is going to be fasting and then we'll get together and pray. Friday we're going to get together and stuff envelopes! yay! I'm very happy =D

Serbia

2007-03-07T21:15:00.000-07:00

I have been really behind with this, I'm sorry. There has been a lot happening, but that would be an especially long post and my posts are already particularly lengthy! So I'm going to let you know about Serbia =)

I'M GOING TO SERBIA!!!! And in case you can't tell, I am also very, very excited about it! I don't know why I am excited about it, because I don't get excited about things like this that involve sharing my faith with complete strangers in foreign countries where you can't understand anything anyone says because they're either speaking another language or have a really thick accent. It's incredible!

We our training weekend this past weekend and it was fantastic. Terrifying, but fantastic! We go a lot of good information and we started some team bonding which was very cool. The people that are going are truly amazing. A bunch are going for the second, third or even fourth time. It never ceases to amaze me the kind of people that God puts together in one place to do something. I'm really excited to be going with all these people that I don't know very well, but I'm really, really excited to be going with some friends that I DO know from CSUP, Aaron, Anna, Barry =) I love them all and they rock my socks off. As much as I would love for other people from our campus to be coming with us as well, I know that God set the four of us apart to go together. There is a certain dynamic there that just makes sense. I can't explain it, but it's very cool.

So while we are in training Jay, who is the direction for the region of Southern Colorado for Campus Crusade, was really honest with us about the people there and the kinds of challenges we face. A lot of it was intense, and I won't go into great detail, but the gospel can be rejected in a very harsh way there. I'm sure that's not much different from any other country, but from what I understand Serbia has been a "missionary grave yard" for many years. After hearing the history of that country... I just hurt for them. And after Jay was finished talking to us I really didn't know how I felt about the trip. I really kind of wanted to back out, because it's just intense, way intense. However, on the otherside of that fear was an equally intense feeling that I needed to go. I know that I can't just walk away from this, I can't just not go. It's simply not possible. So I resolved to go through with it and trust God the whole way and not back down, even though I know at some point, or even many points, I will want to. I will not allow myself that option, the option to chicken out or take the easy road when the hard road is the one worth traveling. When the hard road is the one that NEEDS to be traveled.

After the weekend was over I still didn't know if I was going to be accepted. And my dear friend Anna who is always so completely honest with me, which is something I truly love about her, pointed out that I haven't been living in faith about it. I needed to stop saying "if I go" and start saying "when I go" kind of a thing, and she also pointed out some pride issues in my life, and it was really good. I appreciate her in-my-face honesty because I know she says it always out of love, and it's actually helpful. So I started saying when I go, and I'm working on the pride thing, because there isn't room for that on this trip, and sure enough Monday I got the call that I'm going!!! Hallelujah! Amen! I'm happy! =D

Now I have $4,500 to raise by May 15th, we leave June 5th and return July 20th. If you are interested at all in partnering with this ministry please send me your address and I will send you a support letter. If you will partner with us in prayer I would encourage you to start praying now. There are going to be some serious spiritual dangers on this trip and prayers are the back bone of a ministry. My team, and I, will appreciate any help you can offer.

And that is the Serbia update for today, more to come ;)

Much love you! And peace, and abundant blessings!

Denver Christmas Conference 2007

2007-01-08T21:02:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year to all! I hope that the new year has brought you all much joy and many blessings. I wanted to tell you about the DCC (Denver Christmas Conference) experience, but it would take me weeks to tell you all the wonderful things that God did there. So I'll just skim the surface, if you want more you'll just have to ask me.

I've spent the past week in Denver celebrating the new year with my boyfriend and his family, and then the following five days were spent with a large group of my friends from Campus Crusade at the Adam's Mark hotel down town. We were there with some 2,000 other students from several different states to meet with God and get some inspiration for the coming semester. I think it was very successful in that point. We had some awesome speakers, two in particular, Bryan Loritts, and Jaeson Ma were really incredible. I was surprised that the intense honesty that both portrayed about their past and present experiences and temptations. I can't say that I learned much that new, however, I think it was a great success in teaching me things that I already knew, in a new way which allowed me to understand them more deeply. It was just great! My boyfriend, Danny, and I had a lot of time together to talk about the things that we are struggling with as a couple and God really opened up some opportunities for us to be ministered to, and to minister to each other. I saw amazing changes in our relationship, and in him this past week. It was a joy to be there.

After this week I feel more connected to the Lord than I have for the past few months and I feel like I have some tools to keep the spiritual high as well. I am really, REALLY looking foreward to this next semester. I may have the opportunity to lead a prayer walk around campus like we did last semester, and maybe we'll be able to get out into the city as well. We'll just have to see where God takes us, but no matter what happens I know that it's just going to be incredible. I would like to ask you to pray for me and Danny as we try to make a decision about whether or not to go to Serbia this summer. We will be filling out the application to go at the very least. But please just be praying that the Lord would lead us and that his will would be done concerning us and Serbia. We really want to go =) We're even really excited about it, which for both of us is a big deal since we've never had any inclination to go on missions trips. And this is all I'm going to get into about DCC. It was awesome and I think that we'll see some big things happen on campus this semester.

I would also like you to be praying for the business my family runs. We are failing, and it's getting more and more difficult. Just pray for the Lord's will to be done in the business for life in my family. I may start selling candles to help generate some income. We are trying to come up with a plan on how that might work. I think that it will be fun if nothing else. So if you need candles you might just talk to me because I'll probably be selling them within the next month or so.

So, dear friends, be blessed richly and stay safe in the winter weather. I love you and miss you all!

trace bundy

2006-12-26T11:15:00.001-07:00

This is the amazazing Trace!

Long Time Coming

2006-12-16T18:44:00.000-07:00

Hi friends! Sorry it's been so long since an update. I've been busy and then I haven't been feeling like writing, but a lot has been happening. I'm not entirely sure where I left off, but I'll keep this as short and sweet as I can. I went to a leadership immersion November 11th which was really cool. I went not know what to expect, and I was surely not disappointed. there were ten of us I think, about twenty total. What was really crazy is that we were evenly divided between guys and girls, so we split up into groups of four with two men and two women on each team and our goal was to go and share the gospel with as many people as possible. This was all practice, the people we were "saving" were actually Campus Crusade staff, which didn't really connect with the first guy my group met. It was really akward at first, but as the day progressed we got the idea and it went really smoothly. We had a lot of fun hiking around in the mountains around La Veta. By the end of the day I think we were all pretty tired. I got to work with some people from the Springs that I didn't know and there was a really neat dynamic that happened. We were able to really bounce off each other so there wasn't much silence when talking to people. Over all I think we did pretty well, and one of my friends came out of her shell a bit. I'm really proud of her. She's a pretty quiet and reserved person like me, and like me if very social when she gets to know someone, and she's just grown fathoms in the past semester. It's been really amazing to see.

After that we finished up our Bible Survey class which was really interesting. We were studying the Bible itself, not really the Word in it. We were trying to get more familiar with the general movement of the Bible and where things are so that we can use it more effectively in our own lives and in sharing the gospels. I really got a lot out of it. We looked at geography and the movement of Israel through out their history and where they went to and why they were stuck there. We talked about the different "era's" in the Bible. Where the divisions really were and what was happening. I mean, you have all these books and some of them seem to go together and some of them don't and it can be hard to tell if God is doing something in this part that he wasn't doing in another part. So our leader divided the Bible into twelve era's (if you're curious about any of this let me know and I'll explain the whole thing to you, it's really fascinating), and told us which books fell into each era and what happened in the era that seperated it from the others. By the end of the class (it was three weeks, three days a week at 8:00 am before actual classes started), I felt much more confident with the Bible and finding things than I had been before.

The next big thing was the manuscript immersion. We did an "iductive study" on Amos and our leader was showing us how to break down books of the Bible to better study and understand the Word itself. He printed off the etire book of Amos and fixed the margins so that there was room to write things down and everything. Then he gave us some colored pencils and we had several diffent colors and we designated what each color was. For instance there was a color for people, people actions, location, God, God actions, God commands, explainations, and keywords... there might have been one more but I don't remember. So we would go through and mark up our manuscript, circle the people in their color and God in his color, locations in their color, underline people actions, God actions, and box explainations and key words. When we were finished with that we would break it down by a few verses and write a summary on what was happening in that section and after each chapter we would decide what we could take from that chapter and apply to our own lives. It was really neat, and a lot of fun. We had a good time marking our paper's up and talking about what God was trying to say to His people at that time and how we could learn from it. What's really neat is that is was so easy to do and you could get a lot out of it, however it does take some time (which is actually a good thing when studying the Bible lol).

Aside from that I've been going to prayer meetings and to JiB on Thursdays as often as possible and it's been just really good. I feel like I've been so busy in all the best ways. It's been a truly rewarding semester. My boyfriend and I will be going to the Denver Christmas Conference in January. Again, I'm not really sure what to expect, but I know that it's going to be just really awesome and that it's going to stretch me out of my comfort zone which I love so much but is like poison to my soul. It's a week long deal at the Adam's Mark Hotel and there is going to be worship and out reach time and some speakers. If you like you can check it out at www.dcc2007.com . I'm really excited about it. I am a little sad though because the semester is over and all my friends are going home and I won't see them until for at three weeks (for those that are going to DCC, four for those who aren't coming back until the spring semester starts).

I am thinking about doing a missions trip this summer. I have no idea how I will afford it, but money is no object when God sends you somewhere. My school's group is going to Serbia for seven weeks, six weeks I think in Serbia and then the seventh is in South Korea for a huge conference, which would be really awesome. I would really like to go but I have my reasons to hesitate. It's not the money, it's only $4,500 to go, which really I don't think is much for seven weeks out of the country. I've never been on a trip like that before and seven weeks is a long time when you've never gone to do anything like that at all. And, as silly as this probably sounds, I don't think I want to leave my dog for that long either. My parents would be taking care of him, and he's my dog, so I don't want him to bond to my parents over seven weeks. I would be so sad. I wish I could take him with me, but that's rather improbable. Then there is the being away from my family and my boyfriend for that logn too. That would be really tough. However! If I went I wouldn't be alone. I already know of a few friends from Crusade who are going, and I know that it would just be an awesome experience. I think it would be really hard, but really fun and really, really rewarding. I'm sure that I would come back a different person. So, I'm praying about it and I'll probably start filling out an application just in case. There are some other options that I might go with, but we'll just have to see. I am planning on going to Mississippi with a group to do hurrican Katrina clean up there. We've been going every break to help clean up, and I've decided that it would be a good thing to do. I've heard some amazing things about it.

As for life outside of Crusade... Business continues to be bad. We're taking out a loan to try and cover costs so that we can stay afloat a little longer, but at this rate we won't last much longer in Pueblo as a business. It makes me made to think about it. Being a rather stubborn person in a job I love I rather refuse to give up on our business. I know that God is in control though, and although I still have my doubts and anxieties from time to time he is ever faithful and good. I know that even if the business fails that my family will not fail. That God will provide something even better for us here. However, with the recent lack of money I'll pretty much be taking a semester off again. I'll only be taking one class this semester think. I just can't afford school and I didn't get an application for a loan in time. Fall semester though, I hope to take a full load, as dreadful as that will be, I really don't want to spend the rest of my life in school. I'm rather jealous of my friends who are also 20 years old and Juniors in College getter ready to graduate next year. And here I am, barely a sophmore and struggling to stay in school long enough to graduate... especially since I don't really care about getting a degree! Ugh... employers are aggrevating. Well, we continue to pray unceasingly and depend on the strength of our fellow brother's and sister's in Christ to keep us hopeful about the future.

And that is what is happening at the Lighthouse.

I hope you all have a very blessed and Merry Christmas and that 2007 is a year that bares much fruit in your lives and that peace and love and joy and laughter follow where ever you go!

A Little Different

2006-11-05T17:46:00.000-07:00

When a person gets hurt, a friend or family member, they break an arm or leg or maybe something worse, we rush to comfort them. We sign their casts or visit them in the hospitol. When they're sick, or have had surgery we send them flowers and stuffed bears with colorful cards filled with hope. Sometimes we do these things even for our enemies. People we don't particularly like or love, but still, even they deserve some love and comfort when they're stuck in a death trap.
There has been a significant tragedy in the Body of Christ this past week/end. A good man has done a bad thing, a bad thing he tried to keep secret, even denied and lied about it. That thing was found out and now he is in a true death trap in desperate need of rescueing. As is his family and his church. Most of you have probably heard the news about Ted Haggard. If you haven't, just type in his name on Google and I'm certain you will be flooded with information about his "tryst".
Already people are rejoicing at his misfortune. I looked at a discussion page on MSN about what's happening and wasn't really surprised by what I read, but still disappointed in the people of our country. Regardless of who you are, you have no right to rejoice over the misfortunes of another. And I know that there are people within our own Body of the Church that will stab him in the back and say "I knew it all along!" If that is you, I am especially disappointed. Surely you must remember that we are a BODY of Christ, when one part struggles the whole body struggles. That includes you, so don't turn your back on Ted now. If you are not a Christian, if you are gay or a satanist or whatever else you can name, please do not rejoice over this. If you have any respect for anyone or anything, do not be glad that a man so high up in the Christian community has fallen. I would certainly not be glad at your misfortune.
And in fact, if you are not a Christian and have this impression that we are all hypocrites and really only care for our own people, and not always them... I am very sorry that you have been given that impression and hope that you have the great blessing of meeting one of us who can show you how much we do genuinely love you. Sure, we're hypocritical, so are you. We all do things we say we won't, or shouldn't, blah, blah, blah. We are people, we are not perfect, even Christians. Any Christian who tells you that they are perfect is telling one really big lie, you can't get further from the truth. We still sin, Ted is an example. We try not to. But we are human still, and we are no better than anyone else. The only difference is that we have accepted the forgiveness of a God who is LOVE. I'm sorry you have not been shown that, and that the things we have said or done did not come out the way we meant for them to. We do not hate gay people, or people who have abortions, or people who practice witchcraft and devil worship. No, we don't hate you. We love you, in a way that we do not understand, because from a very human standpoint we have no reason to. But we do love you, it's a love that comes from God. It's the only explaination. We desire for you to know love and peace, to be filled with mercy and joy and life. Sometimes we get over zealous and lose focus on those things, but that desire is always there. I am sorry that we have sinned against you, and I hope that one day soon you will see the love that is deep inside us trying desperately to reach you.
To the Body of Christ... be brave in this time of sadness. What Ted did was very wrong, but we cannot turn our backs on him. Christ said that we must forgive a man seventy times seven times! We cannot turn on our own Body! And we cannot forget those who do not know God at this time. We must continue to love Ted and forgive him and bring him back. And as we do that we must reach out to the non-Christian community and show them love, even as they rejoice at our misfortune. They will have questions that will be difficult to answer, about how God could allow such a thing to happen, or allow a sinful man to lead his church, or how a Christian could do such a thing that he has preached against all his life? I don't have the answers to these questions myself, but I know that if we inquire of King at this time He will make things clear to us as He sees fit. We cannot turn our backs now. We much rise to the occassion and fight the enemy, and trust God above all else. Nothing is out of His control, the arm of the Lord is not to short to heal this wound. Be encouraged people of God, this is only a bump in the road and we have victory! It's cloudy now, but the Son is about to break through. All will be well in the Lord's timing. Pray for this man and for the unbelieving, that God would be glorified in all things. God is faithful to His people and faithful to answer their prayers as well.

I should have waited!

2006-10-23T23:14:00.000-06:00

I just got home from a really awesome prayer meeting. I don't know why more people don't go to these things, they're just incredible. The prayer was really good, and then when we were done we talked about what God has been doing in our lives lately. This past week one of the guys, Aaron, has really been on my heart and I've just been praying for him and everything because I could just tell that there was something he needed. Well tonight he just poured out this awesome story about how he picked up this hitch hiker and God just spoke through him. He was saying he saw this guy, at like midnight, with his thumb out and felt the Spirit tell him to pick the guy up. He said that before it really even registered with him what he was about to do he was stopped and the guy was in his car. So the Lord just totally took control of his words and he laid it out and said something like "You're in my car. Do you know Jesus?" and this guy was just like "Can Jesus really love me?" and then spilled out this story and all the things that he'd done. By the end of it this man that he had picked up started praying. It was just an awesome time where Aaron was attentive to the Spirit and God moved in a profound way.

When he finished I knew that there was a reason I had been praying for him, praying protection over him, and this was it. I am soooo proud of him! So proud that he heard the voice of God and was obedient, and because of that God was able to do great things and break down some walls in this stranger's life. And then I could really just see it, the greatness in Aaron. Not like Alexander the Great kind of greatness, that fleshly prideful kind of greatness, but the greatness of the Kingdom of Heaven. The greatness that comes from being intimate with the Spirit of God. I could see that he is destined for so much more than he ever imagined. In my excitement at this revelation I actually blurted out what I have just written, and I think it might have freaked him out a little. (Sorry Aaron, couldn't help it, it just bounced right out of me). Seriously though, I just couldn't contain it. It's been so long since I've had anything like that come over me, I couldn't just keep it in.

What God is doing is so... ... ... WOW... ... ...that's the best I can come up with. The human tongue cannot speak the things that I want to say, and the human mind is far to small to think of the words the tongue should say. I wish you could all be here to see it and experience it. I hope and pray that you see God move this way where you live, or that you see God move in an even more awesome way. May peace be with you, and the Spirit of the Living God be upon you, dear reader. There is no greater blessing I can give you than that, it is the best, because it is Love in it's deepest most extravagant form. Yes, Jesus can and does love you, no matter where you are at, what you believe. He has, he always will. The only time it is too late to change your life is when you are dead and burried. But, I encourage you not to wait until then. When you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start right now. So, should you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with the Lord of Hosts, the Christ, don't put it off. Start the rest of your life right now, in this very moment, and live everyday like it's your last.

So Now...

2006-10-23T18:05:00.000-06:00

We finished praying over the campus on Saturday night. I wasn't able to go Saturday. Those who were there walked around the entire campus. Friday night we finished the last section of campus, the Music/Art/Communication building and the Library. Eight of us showed up on Friday, and I got to pray with someone I hadn't prayed with before. A most delightful young woman. She's only been a Christian for year, and she knows more scripture, and has more faith than most people I know that have been Christians all their lives. Her strength is astounding! Just another one of the awesome people I've had the privilege to know.

She and I stopped at every section of the building, the graphic arts center, the drawing center, the painting center, the ceramics center, and the campus radio station, as well as the music hall and auditorium. We called down false gods, and brought peace, hope and love to the area, and it was tangible afterward. I know because I had to go back in when I thought I had lost my wallet. It's amazing the kind of physical change you can feel in a spiritual situation. How you can feel a weight, or your knees buckle, or your chest feels heavy and it's hard to breathe. And then when the oppression is gone from an area all that disappears.

There is one thing I'm a little afraid of, and that is that now the prayer team will become complacent about it. An "ok, we've done our job, now we can sit back and relax" kind of thing. Oh, what a dreadful mistake that would be. I'm not really sure how old the campus is, but I am sure that it's old enough to have enough spiritual grossness that one week of prayer walking won't be enough. I don't say this because I don't think God will not take the campus by storm now. No, I know that He will. However, I also know that the enemy we fight against is very stubborn, and they know how important the campus is to the city. The oppression may have lessened, but we are far from victory over the spirit of darkness there. Old sins are hard to kill. So, my hope and prayer is that these people continue go and walk the campus (myself included in "these people") to make it a safe haven for all to enter it. There has been a change on campus, but there will be more. The campus will light up like one giant light bulb by the time God is finished with it. We cannot stop at one week of service. Our lives are made to serve. It's a joy and even an honor to serve these people, especially those that don't even know what we have done. Those are the ones that need it the most.

It's a joy to do these things in secret. To quietly go about our business making a huge spiritual change that most people don't know about, and then to watch and see what God does. To see lives being changed, the lives of people who have no idea that we have been praying for them, and blessing them. What a wonderful thing that is, to know that what I've done this past week, the little it was, is completely rearranging the future of the campus and the lives of the people there. How awesome is that? How great, deep and wide is the love of God? That He would consider so seemingly insignificant a place as this. God is Love, and Peace, and He is coming swiftly to rescue the Bride of CSUP, and I'm excited!

And then...

2006-10-18T16:34:00.000-06:00

yesterday we had what was the third day of the prayer walking agenda. I wasn't able to make it Monday to pray at CSUP. Mostly because I just wasn't being very smart. My Dad is really sick, and I have dog that goes to work with me. How are those two things related? Well, I work for my Dad and Asa, my dog, goes with me, but if I stay in Pueblo late he goes home with my Dad. So Dad went home early, and not thinking clearly, I let him walk out with out my beloved puppy. So I thought I might try to get there anyway, but Asa wanted to go home really bad, so we went home. I'm sorry I missed it too. The group prayed over the Occhiato Center, the Admin Building... and somewhere else but I don't remember where.

Last night, it rained, and snowed. I called my friend that's leading it and asked her if I should go buy an umbrella or go home. However, she, being the wise woman she is, said no! We're going to do this tonight! So I went to Walmart and got two umbrellas in case someone else needed one too. When I got there she was sitting in her car and called me in, and then we drove around the parking lot. It was really, really cold I was wearing two long sleeved shirts, a hoody and a heavy coat and was still cold lol We ended up having six people show up, myself included. We didn't need the umbrella because it stopped raining in exchange for a light mist. We were praying over the entire athletic area, the ropes course, the softball and base ball fields, the soccar field, everything. It was a really large area, so we split up and half of us when one way and the other half another direction to get it done faster since it was so cold. I had some trouble with that. I'm not an athlete by any stretch of the imagination, quite anti-athlete (no offense to any sports buffs, it's just not for me. I lack the stamina I suppose). So I really had no idea what to pray, and opted for the usual prayers of coverage, peace, hope, salvation, restoration of God's land. Which was fine, but to me didn't feel like it really touched the heart of what was happening there, and honestly I was quite distracted by the cold of the wind.

When my group had finished we met up with the other group at the ropes course. A fabulous group of powerful, Spirit filled young women, and we prayed with them. That was awesome! I really enjoyed it, and as I prayed with them I felt like my prayers gained a large measure of strength. When we had prayed before, we weren't able to pray together so much because we couldn't hear each other over the wind. In our little group of six, I think we were able to make a big difference in the status of that area. Afterward I was quite joyful, as I often am after walking and talking with the Lord for a few minutes. I hadn't had a particularly good day, but after praying with these marvelous people I felt a lift in my Spirit as though I had been on cloud 9 all day. It was a great time despite the weather, and maybe it was even better because of the weather.

Now it has snowed, and I wasn't in town at all today, so I won't be praying with them tonight, but tomorrow night is another story. I'm very much looking foreward to it! I can't help but be further amazed by the college students I have met at CSUP. They are so Spirit filled, so strong! They are true warriors of the Kingdom of Heaven, and they love God so much that it is simply awe inspiring and quite contagious. I have not met a single one that I didn't like. Many times you meet a person and you can tell in just a few minutes whether or not you'll want to be friends with them or just keep your distance. These people have drawn me in, and I look so foreward to being close friends with each of them, as the body of Christ should be. There is much Love on that campus, and even more now that we have been praying. Pueblo is going to feel the winds of change coming down it very soon I think. The efforts of God's people on campus are going to bear much fruit, and spread like dandilions! That's what I've been praying. That God's word would be like a dandilion, pretty, contagious, and pretty impossible to get rid of =)

Hello Avid Readers

2006-10-16T16:11:00.000-06:00

Hi All!

I have a myspace, but this seemed interesting. I'll start with the definition of a lighthouse (see you're already bored just at the mention, but there is a purpose if you'll be patient). A lighthouse is: a strategically placed coastal building, often a tall round tower, with a powerful flashing light, designed to guide sailors or warn them of dangers such as rocks (I got that off of Word Processing in the Encarta Dictionary btw). I am starting this because Idon't see much use for it on myspace. I live near Pueblo, CO and although I'm not currently going to CSU-Pueblo, I have started to go to their Campus Crusade for Christ meetings. I have found that the Lord (the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the Christian God for those of you who may not know), has opened my eyes to the spiritual oppression of the city, and revealed a desire to see it restored. It's something that is impressed on me more and more everyday. AND the more I visit Campus Crusade the more I see that it is a strategic place for God to start moving on the city. It's on a hill for one thing, you can see it from anywhere in Pueblo even at night. It's filled with young people, the next really strong generation of believers whose time is NOW for impacting the world with the gospel of Christ. The more people I meet there, the more I am amazed at what God is doing. So, I would like to tell you about it. Yeah, this is more or less and evangelistic blog, but not in a traditional sense. I may use it in a more traditional sense from time to time, but right now I would just like to convey God's love for this tiny little city, because if he loves this little speck on the map enough to save it he must certainly love you too.

I'll start with the city. Please allow me to make this clear so that you may understand how the King has effected my response to Pueblo. I really, really, really, REALLY do not like this city. No, it's not really that bad, but it's boring and lifeless. The people here rarely do what they say they will do, and they are completely against any kind of change whether or not it will benefit the city and the people as a whole. However, over the past several weeks the Lord has revealed to me the desperate state of this little town. It's an oppression a person can physically feel because it is so strong, and oppression that sucks the life out of everyone that comes here. There is a lot of gang activity, more than you would expect in a city this small, and even some of the churches don't really seem quite with it. There are also a lot of drugs, which kind of relates to the gang activity. Despite all this, God has whispered to me of his love for this place, and his deep desire to rescue it from the clutches of death, and that he wants me to be a part of that restoration. So, although I hate this city, I can't help but love it because of the overwhelming love the Creator has for it. Then again, I've run from that. After all I am still human, and my desires often override everything else much to my shame. So I ran away from the CSU-Pueblo Lighthouse. I did go there for a semester and then opted for Pueblo Community College... what a mistake that's been! So I'm going to go back next semester and hopefully I'll be able to afford it. Anyway, now I'm going to do with He asked me to do, to saccrifice my dreams to follow after the heart of God. It will be worth it in the end, but getting there is sure to be difficult.

Now for the campus. CSU-Pueblo (hereafter refferred to just as CSU, but not to be confused with the Fort Collins University) is a wonderful place. The classes are fairly small and for the most part the teachers are easy to deal with. The students and pretty friendly, and there is a great view of the city and the mountains from the compus as well. At Campus Crusade people are amazing. You would not believe the kind of leaders and spiritual warriors that are there. We meet on Thursday evenings at an event called JiB (Jesus in Bound) and worship, listen to a teaching, and hang out together. I have met so many believers that have so much faith and strength and passion for the campus, for the people around them that don't follow Christ. They really love these people that don't follow Christ and want to show that love of God to them. There is a really strong movement hitting the University. The leaders at JiB really have a passion that God has given them to see CSU saved and redeemed and then to see that spread to Pueblo. It's a God given thing, that they are acting on. I know it's God given because I've see the exact, word for word kind of exact, messages preached at the church that I have started to go to in the town where i am living.

This week the JiB ministry is prayer-walking over the entire campus in sections, one section every night. Last night we focused on the appartments, dorms and the child care center. I could feel the oppression around us, and we had split into groups, and as we walked around the gym by the dorms I felt a sudden lift. I thought to myself I bet someone has already been around here. And sure enough there were a couple other girls actually inside the gym praying! God had already begun to answer our prayers for that portion of the campus! It was really amazing, because everywhere we were walking I could feel a weight in my spirit, no one else had been there yet and then we pass that little section and it lifted off me like it had never been.

Now, if you don't know the nature of spiritual warfare, do ask! I'd love to talk about it! It's one of the best, and most difficult things, I think, a Christian encounters. It is both wonderful and terrible. I don't think I've been particularly clear on all this anyway, but I'll try again later. There is so much to tell and it seems like there is hardly enough time to tell it. If you have questions, please ask, I don't mind in the least =D