Ill at 2 am

Good morning!!! It's currently 2 o'clock in the morning in beautiful Colorado which means it's about... 10 a.m. in Serbia where my friends on the Stint team are, who are with my Serbian friends to boot. So, I wish I was in Serbia right now because that would mean I'd had a good night's rest, and morning's rest for that matter. Not so, not so. Bummer.

So I'm feeling supremely ill. My stomach hurts awfully and I'm freezing cold. No fever, and thankfully, at the moment, no more headache. So since I'm feeling dreadful and can't sleep, and I have things to share, I figured I would share them. Where should I start? My last post was somewhat scathing, and this might be reminiscent in some respects. Well I'll start with Monday night prayer from this week, which would be day before yesterday, and work my way around.

Monday night prayer, it has the greatest potential of the whole week. The thing about potential though is that it can either be realized or not, but at least you have a 50/50 chance. Monday was somewhere in between. Praying is one of my favorite things. There is something uniquely sweet about asking the Father for what you need and desire, about interceding for the lost and oppressed, placing all your concerns before the Father and saying "Here you go, what are you going to do with that? I got nothin'." There is something uniquely sweeter about joining with other steadfast believers and praying with them. However, the people (in general, not all of them) who are coming aren't getting it, as far as I can tell.

Hmmm... perhaps I should start with what I'm looking for in prayer meetings. I'll do that. What I want for the prayer ministry of CSU-Pueblo is that it would be dynamic. That it would be an exciting and intense time of communion with the King. That our hearts would break for the lost, and for out brothers and sisters in Christ as the struggle too. That we, as a team, would rise up and make something of our prayers. That we wouldn't just meet once a week and pray what we know we should pray, and then convince ourselves that we mean it. I want passion in prayer meeting, wild abandon in prayer. Is that a lot to ask?

Maybe it is with the way things are going. The majority of the people I'm praying with aren't praying! Well, they are, but they aren't voicing their prayers, they're keeping them locked away in their minds where their words have little to no power. This week I talked about the power of words. It seemed the right topic since I've heard a lot about the power of words lately, just in talking with other people. So we talked about it briefly, because I don't want to take up prayer time with too much talking or teaching. Perhaps I didn't do it well though, I don't know. There were five of us there, including myself. One of the guys and I did essentially all the praying. I was so disappointed, and irritated. One of the girls prayed twice, briefly, which I'm very proud of her for. At this point it's hard for her to pray out loud for more than a minute and I'm working with her so that she might become more comfortable and better equipped to pray. It was exciting to have her pray a couple times =) The other girl that was there, prayed once at the beginning and didn't say anything after that, which was disappointing because I know she can pray. And then the last guy didn't breathe a word, which I can't say anything about where he's at because he's a freshman and I don't know him well enough to tell.

I was really irritated. I mean, the prayer wasn't bad, but it was so quiet and rather subdued. So I stopped us and went on for about ten or fifteen minutes about why we were there. I asked them why they were there. I mean, they came to prayer for a reason, they were called for a reason, what was that reason? There were things they wanted, and needed, that they weren't asking for. We had gone around for prayer requests before we started, but there was more there. I knew it. We had only been praying for a half hour when prayers dried up and we were reduced to silence... Unacceptable. We have so much to ask for and so much to praise God for that we could pray for at least an hour with out stopping for a second, so why can't we do that? How hard is it, really, to pray for an hour or two? It's not! If you can set aside two hours to pray in a day, and determine that nothing will distract you or keep you from praying, it's easy! Seriously, it's not difficult when you're in the presence of the King to sit before him and talk with him. But we weren't doing that.

So I asked them what it was that they wanted. What was their deepest desire? The thing they wanted more than anything else? One said passion, one said they wanted more than what the world around them was offering, another said to follow Christ where ever he leads. Awesome things to desire!!! People who want to chase after God! Who want more than they have! Good grief, those are some awesome things to desire. And they all echo what I want, myself. We had gone through prayer requests at the beginning, but none of that came up. No one asked for prayer about the thing they were desiring most in the world. Why? Why didn't we ask for prayer about those things? Such vital things! Things worthy, absolutely worthy of prayer. After I had received their answers to the question I asked them if they expected God to do something if they asked for what they wanted. About sixty seconds of silence greeted me. Calling on them one by one I finally got an answer. Three said yes, and the last was somewhere in between. She believed that God would answer on the logical level, but on the much harder to tame emotional level sometimes she believed and sometimes she didn't. I think it boils down to that there are some things she has asked for that she either hasn't or can't see the effect of her prayers on. She hasn't seen the miracle so it's hard to expect God to do it. I could be mistaken, but I think that's accurate. I thought that was fair enough, honest.

All that out in the open, I decided it was time to do something different. I've wanted to start this in prayer anyway, but it can be intimidating when you aren't used to it. It's pentecostal praying really, the Koreans are masters at it. When Koreans come together and pray they aren't taking turns asking for things and agreeing with one another in prayer, they are all asking in loud voices at the same for the things God has placed on their hearts. It's amazing and powerful. It's a sweet, sweet sound if you pause a moment just to listen to it. At that time I explained what I wanted to do, that I wanted us to all pray at the same time, asking God for that thing that we wanted the most, and we were going to do this for five minutes. Just five minutes. I knew it would be difficult, especially for the guy who had said nothing so far, and for the girl that I'm equipping for prayer, but it would be worth it if they would follow me there.

For five minutes we all prayed together. The two I mentioned previously as probably having a hard time with this whispered quietly, but they were speaking! Five minutes went by quickly, really quickly. We could have easily gone for ten or twenty or the whole hour that way. But I stopped us, true to my word that I would, at five minutes. So for five small minutes prayer was really cool, if such a small word can define prayer. Next week we may do it again for longer, we'll see where the Lord takes us, but that was start. A small start, but a good start.

See you at the pole is this morning. We going from 7am-3pm at our campus. Students signed up for slots of prayer time. I'm supposed to be there at 8 this morning and again at 1 in the afternoon, but I don't think I'll make it with how I'm feeling. That makes me sad. I want to be there with my friends to pray for the campus, the city, the state and the nation. But taking care of me might not be such a bad idea either. I have to go to class, my classes are such that I can't miss any of them with out falling sharply behind. As soon as my classes are finished though, I think I'll be coming home directly. I'm praying for someone to be saved at SYATP this morning, I hope someone will get to read this before the day is out to pray for that someone to be saved too. I want God to do more on campus than what has been happening.

Speaking of that and people being saved... tomorrow at 4pm I get to have a meeting with a girl named Katherine from the Springs. She filled our a 30-Second Questionnaire that we handed out the first week of school about her religious beliefs and whether or not she might be interested in knowing how to have a relationship with God or more information about Campus Crusade for Christ. She marked "yes" on both of those things. So on Thursday I get to meet with her to talk to her about the gospel and Crusade! I'm excited and terrified about it =) There's a part of me that can't wait and another part that's like "Oh dear, Lord, I don't know if I can this"... well I'll have to get used to it if I plan on Stinting in Serbia next year. Really, I'm more excited than scared, but I don't know what I'll say to her. That could be a good thing. When you have nothing planned to say it often leaved more room for God to speak for you, and that sounds good to me. AND I'm meeting with another girl named Athena on Monday at 3pm. She's actually here in Pueblo. I'm not sure if she'll show or not, I'll probably call her a day or two before I confirm our meeting. Isn't that exciting though? I have two appointments to meet with people to talk about Christ! How cool is that?

Ok, well it is now ten minutes to three, which means that this post is entirely too long, but there you have it. If you have made it this far in one sitting, I commend you! Well done! You are a very committed person, and I appreciate your commitment to reading my ramblings, rock on! Until next time (which could be Thursday after my meeting), be blessed!

Revival Hymn

My Team watched this video in Serbia, it's 35 minutes long but well worth the time. It's sort of a wake up call. I just watched it again today and marveled at the complacency of the church. Where is our passion? Why isn't worship more powerful? Why isn't prayer more enthralling? Why isn't speaking the name of Christ the most important thing to us? Why don't we have an INTIMATE relationship with God? I want to have passion, to be enthralled, to have intimacy, and for Christ to be the most important thing to me simply because I truly deeply love him. There are a precious few churches that get this. Why is that? I really want to know. Why is it that Christians today are so satisfied to have a mediocre relationship and not expect God to work miracles?

Can you imagine the impact the Christian community could have if we asked God for more than what we've got? Can you imagine the bigger impact we would have if we not only asked for it, but believed and fully expected God to give it? What if we did ask God to move a mountain and believed he would do it? Expected him to do it? Don't you think he would? I believe one person of sound faith can move a city to Christ through prayer. So what if a Church congregation would take up sound faith and pray for a city, or state, or college, or nation? Would it be moved to Christ? But we are not passionate people.


I'm not going to lie, I hate going to church. I'm sick and tired of going to church. It's not because I think people shouldn't go to church, or I have a problem with sitting still for one or two hours, it's not because I don't like to talk to people. It's because 90% of the churches I have been to are passionless. The people come and "worship"... they sing anyway. The come and "pray"... they at least bow their heads. They come and "fellowship"... well they put on a mask and say that their doing good. COME ON PEOPLE!!! Why is worship dead and Spiritless? Why don't people pray in power? Why don't they speak the truth to each other and help one another through their difficulties and celebrate through their joys? Where is our passion? Now, I understand what I have said if very broad and general, so please do not be offended. There are churches with passion, there are people in passionless churches who have passion. But I find those churches are few and far between, and those people can be as well. All I'm really saying is that I'm not satisfied. I'm disappointed even.


I am not satisfied with a mediocre worship service. I'm not satisfied with powerless, faithless prayer. I'm not satisfied with just sitting in a chair and listening to someone talk to me about the topic of the week. I want more. I want so much more than this thing called church. I want to thrive. I want to go to a thriving church, a living, breathing body of Christ. I want to join in prayer with other believers who believe prayer works and that asking God for more than the mundane is an awesome way to pray. I to praise with people who get excited about praising God. Who stand because they want to, who sing with fire in their hearts, who lift their hands in a genuine effort to praise the Almighty God, and who dance because they simply can't contain the spirit of praise within them. I want to pray for the people around me when they tell me that their lives are on the downside. I want to support them and serve them whole heartedly out of love for my Maker. I want church to be a love affair between Christ and his Bride.


That's a good way to put it, and it's true. I want church to be a love affair between Christ and his Bride. That's the passion I'm looking for in a church. A church that is in the midst of a real, touchable love affair with Christ. We are the Bride, are we not? Then where is our pursuit of our bridegroom? Where is that longing? You see it in some people, in some churches, but it is hard to find. When we think about it we realize, "Oh yeah, that's what I want. I'd forgotten about that part." We get so caught up in life, in going to work and school, doing home work, house work, taking care of our families and children, our friends. And then we go to church and we do more work, we have play with the other musicians on the worship team, we have to fill an hour of prayer with the prayer team and do a ten minute skit during offering. We have to teach the kids in Sunday school, get ready for the yearly bake sale. We have to maintain relationships with people. And in the midst of all that service for the church we have a terrible tendency to lose sight of the most precious thing... our longing, our love affair. We do all the right things, and yet miss the mark and find after a short while that we have lost all our passion. It's at that point, when church becomes work, that we get burnt out and stop expecting God to do miracles. We stop expecting to be passionate for his kingdom. We halt our involvement and start going to church, sitting in pews, listening to sermons, lifting our hands during worship because we know we're supposed to. We're passionless. We've lost our Spirit filled spark and we stop trying to get it back.


As I heave a sigh of sadness over such a loss, I wonder what to do about it. Why are we content to live passionless lives? Truly, a life with out passion is not worth living. What does it take to become passionate again? How to we receive Christ's passion? We can all agree he was a passionate man, I think even people who don't believe in him as a savior can agree with that. So how do we do that? There is a list of things we've all heard and tried before: pray more, read more, praise more, go to church more, stop listening to secular music, stop watching rated R movies, stop going to dance clubs... etc. Quantity, I guarantee you, will not help you get the passion of Christ. Gosh, we always think more is better, no matter what the occasion more is always better! That's bogus. All that "more" stuff might help for a bit, but in the end you'll find you're more drained than you were when you started. It's not quantity, it's quality.


Rather than praying more, try praying, really praying. I mean asking God to give you faith and passion for him. Pray for a few minutes or an hour, but really pray. Seek God's intimacy in your prayers. Leave out all the things you ought to say in a prayer and actually talk to God. Tell him you're sick of being passionless and your tired. He already knows how you feel, so why not just say it for crying out loud! God can take it, he's a big guy. Rather than reading more of your Bible, try reading, just reading it. By this I mean take a chapter out of a book while you're praying and seek an intimacy in reading it. "What do you mean by that?" you might ask. I mean stop reading like you're reading by yourself. Pretend for a moment that God is reading it with you, right there beside you as you turn the page, and ask him questions. "Lord, why did you have Joshua and the Israelites circle Jericho seven times? Cause that just doesn't make sense to me." and then see how he responds when you give him a minute to answer.


Maybe all that isn't helpful. All I know is that the key to a passionate life is intimacy with Christ. I know there are lots of people out there who are passionate and know nothing about Christ... well, that doesn't make sense to me. I can't imagine trying to be passionate with out Christ, he's the only thing worth being passionate about. Anyway, that's my rant, sorry if it was boring, this does happen from time to time when I get fed up with not seeing fire in the eyes of my brothers and sisters in Christ. I've been blessed with friends who are fiery, but my own congregation, though richly blessed by the Lord, seems to me to be richly lacking in that passion and it breaks my heart. I hate that the Body of Christ is not more passionate about him or reaching others for his sake. Anyway, done preaching.