Hard Weekend

I just wanted to throw it out there that loving people is an extremely, ridiculously dangerous thing. I think it's probably more safe to walk through a burning furnace, or jump off a 100' cliff with out a parachute, or some thing crazy like that than to love someone, anyone. To care about anyone in even the smallest amount. I know that sounds really pessimistic, but I don't really mean it that way. It's so dangerous, and often painful to love people, but it's also one of the most rewarding and incredible experiences we can possibly experience on this earth.



I've been reading about the life of King David with the woman I'm discipling, and recently we read about David and Johnathan and their friendship. They had the most intense friendship ever, I don't think that two friends could ever love each other more than those did. Johnathan sacrificed everything for David, and when he died David was absolutely destroyed over it. But their bond was so incredibly tight! I don't think that either one of them would have traded that bond to avoid the pain that it brought when David had to leave, or when Johnathan died. What is it about love that is so spectacular? What is it about love that makes the pain of loss bearable?

In Serbia I met, and got to know three of the most amazing women I think that I'll ever meet. All three of them are entirely different from me, and they are people I never would have expected to fall in love with in a such a deep way as friends. One is a Serbian, Teodora, another is from New Jersey, Debbie, and the last (and closest to me in distance) is from Boulder, that would be Michelle. We had our reunion weekend last weekend, and Debbie came all the way out here for it, and Michelle was there, the whole team with the exception of one guy made it to the reunion weekend. Teodora wasn't there because she's in Serbia with the Stint team, but my other two were there. It was an amazing weekend! It was a really, really difficult weekend. It was so hard to say good-bye to the summer, and to say good-bye to Debbie in particular because I don't know when I'll be seeing her again.

What made it harder was that I got to minister to these women during the weekend, which essentially means there was a lot of crying and praying and hugging and generally holding each other. It was beautiful, but it was really hard to see my sisters hurting in the ways they were hurting. One doesn't have any solid Christian friends around her that can build her up, and she doubts her faith. The other is still angry over events that transpired over the trip, and can't understand why the leadership won't continue talking about it with her. Another one of my sisters that was there had just broken up with her boyfriend, who happened to be on the team as well. A lot happened, which is a huge understatement. So we talked and we cried together and held each other, we made each other laugh when it was over.

And then we said good-bye... That hurt a lot. I love these women, they are incredible women and I wish every one I knew could know them, because they are beautiful and vibrant women of God. They are radiant, and loving. And now they're gone. I don't know when I'll see Debbie again, I miss her a lot, in general. It's been hard not having her around to be her usual crazy self. I miss talking to her, and having lunch with her, and shopping with her (which is an adventure since she's from Jersey, this girl can shop!). I miss hearing about what is going on in her life and helping her sort through it all. Michelle I know I'll see again in about a week, I'll be staying at her house for a couple nights, which will be really nice. I haven't gotten to be in touch with her much, which is unfortunate, but we all have our busy schedules. So I'm really looking forward to spending some extra time with her soon, but it was still hard to let her go. She is really touch oriented like I am, so when we see each other we cuddle. She's pretty much the only woman I do that with, it's just who she is and who I am and God has blessed us with the kind of relationship that allows for that.

And then Teodora... my beautiful Teodora. *sigh* I haven't seen her, except in pictures the Stint team has taken. I miss my Teodora probably most of all. She is by far one of the most incredible women I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. For sure, I wish you could meet her and see her heart like I do. I can't think of a woman I know who is more lovely than she is, it's just what God is doing in her life and how she's responding to it. She's been a joy for me to know.

Anyway, it hurts to love people. It hurts to have to say good-bye to them, as we all have to at one time or another. It sucks. On the ride back home Aaron said to me: "That's why Heaven is such a great idea... no more good-byes."